When to start school?

[MamaToTheBabyBears]

My eldest is due to start Reception in September and I can't decide what to do! I'm tempted to home educate until 6/7 by which time we'd be able to afford a private school. I've done a lot of research and confident I can do a good job. I don't know if she's emotionally ready to go to school, 4 is still so little, in a lot of countries children don't start school until 6 or 7. What would you do/what have you done?

Its true that in a lot of countries they start later, but a lot of languages are a lot simpler to read and write than English - it does take longer because of our crazy spelling systems. Your DD would be at a massive disadvantage compared to other children starting school for the first time age 6 or 7 with kids who have been attending for 2 or 3 years already. Even starting a term late has a measurable disadvantage which persists for years throughout subsequent education.

A nurturing, thoughtful school makes the transition into reception very gentle with play-based learning very similar to nursery, and each subsequent year changes quite gradually towards more formal schooling. If you skip all that your DD would be plunged headfirst into scenarios where she has simply no experience of coping having missed out on this careful process.

I would suggest you either home-ed till age 11 and don't put her in school till seniors when she will be part of a cohort of newbies again and will have the maturity and emotional resources to cope with the onslaught, or start her at primary at the same time as everyone else but take your time finding the right school with the gentle approach as outlined above (not all will follow this pattern)

In lots of countries they don't start school until 6/7 but they are still doing kindergarten which includes building a lot of the skills that are learned in Reception / y1.

Plus she is nearly a whole year off from starting, so that will be another ~25% of her life, she will mature a lot.

Plus she will need to learn to socialise with other children somewhere.

Depending on her birthday you may be able to defer for a term or two.

Why private school anyway? This leads me to wonder whether you are just scared of sending your DD to a state school because of preconceived ideas.

What I would do is this:

• look round the state schools
• apply (putting them in your preferred order, including a banker)
• wait to see what school is offered
• if she is spring/summer born consider deferring for a term or 2.
• decide in June/July whether you are going to take up the place or home-school instead.

Think of it this way.

Is your DD particularly behind in her confidence / socialising / independence / speech etc? Is there any reason why your DD would thrive less than the thousands who start Reception every year?

Keeping her at home will potentially put her behind her peers socially especially fitting in in a classroom setting. Home Ed works if you want to commit for the long term but delaying start more than a year could cause problems. My dd started a year late (due to international move) but she attended half day preschool during what would have been reception in the U.K. and I taught her the early years curriculum in the pm, it still was hard fitting in

It's the norm in this country for children to start school at 4, so she won't be the only little one. Reception is very relaxed environment, with lots of play. I can't imagine not giving my child the opportunity to make friends and develop in the same way all her peers are. She would be at a disadvantage when starting private school with no previous history of school setting.

I think homeschooling can be great but don’t really understand why you would delay and then happily send to private school? Are you worried about the state schools in your area? I agree with the idea that 4 is young, but unless you think she is generally not mature for her age or will struggle with the learning then I see no need to delay, they are all 4 and will be treated age appropriately. I think delaying school start is generally more beneficial for summer born children who have behavioural needs or were premature and are technically more than a year younger than their oldest peers.

You're correct that we start formal education too early in this country and it's detrimental to kids (as the research shows) but in countries where formal education doesn't start until 6/7 children are generally going to nursery or equivalent where they spend all day socialising with other children (and all kinds of children not just children from the same social demographic or, kids who they get on with). They're developing social and language skills and motor skills (which is what their brains are primed to do at that age). Those kids then start school amongst other kids who have had no formal education so on the same footing.

If you home school what are your plans for socialisation? Kids that age should be spending hours a day playing with other kids (and not just your friends' children all kinds of different kids). How will you prepare your child to enter school at 6/7 amongst other kids who can already read, write and do some basic maths? It would certainly be a shock to the system to begin from nowhere but if you're planning to teach it all at home anyway is she really getting the advantage of delaying formal education?

I'm not trying to be overly negative just presenting the other sides of the argument. You could also consider flexi schooling?

As above, in other countries children are in kindergarten at 4. It’s less formal that school in the U.K. but they do learn social skills, work on their pre-literacy, motor skills etc.

Have you actually seen any reception lessons?

I've made an appointment to have a look around a local school.
We do go to plenty of groups. Some she'll be too old for come September, some won't be though and there are some home education ones. But I don't think she's ready to be left... but as someone else has pointed out it is nearly a year away and that might change.

I think 6/7 is the correct age to start school (as it is in most European countries). However, you're in England and it's a bit silly not to allow her to experience the first days of school at the same time as all other children.

Do you not send your daughter to nursery at all - even for the free hours? I think you should. My daughter had an absolutely amazing time at nursery and really matured during this time. Her nursery was fantastic - very small (only 12 kids) with pets and a lot of fun learning.

I've two summer born dds and they both seemed so young when they started school. But honestly I think it would be a much harder transition to start a year or two later. More than the academics, it's the social side of reception that's so important. Getting used to being with so many other kids and learning how to cope with it etc, following instructions that you don't always like, waiting your turn, independence. Mine are at a state school. If I'd held off a year or two, by which time all the other kids had learnt how to thrive in that environment, my dds would have found it far more challenging to fit in. Both were quieter than the confident Sept born kids but they were absolutely fine and really loved going to school. By year two/three, my oldest dd blossomed in confidence with a fantastic group of lovely friends. You don't need it to be a private school so please don't hold off because you think that's the only decent education. There are some v average private schools. In my experience, private is worth considering from year 3 onwards and not necessary before (unless you're flush). Fwiw I have 1 child at a private prep school so I do have experience of both - but there were particular reasons for that move. It's definitely not essential.

We do go to plenty of groups.

We? Does she go to nursery or anything without you though? How does she get to develop confidence in her ability to interact if you're always there?

But I don’t think she’s ready to be left

Or are you not ready to leave her?

We home educate, my children are not behind academically(ds1 is working ahead of his age, ds2 around average for his age), they also have excellent social opportunities both with and without me. It amazes me that people still believe home ed children don’t have the chance to be with other children.

The only thing OP is that you and your dc might find that you enjoy home ed so much that you wish to continue with it instead of going home to school age 6 or 7. Is that something you could potentially do?

Lol thesearms I was going to say my HE kids have many teen HE friends who were just going to HE until age 6/7

OP do what you think works best for your family, kids are very adaptable. The worries about “catching up” with reading seem strange to me as I have two children who learnt to read age 6/7 without any teaching beyond us reading with them/answering questions.

There are a lot of assumptions about home education here. She’ll do fine socially as long as you socialise, which most home ed children get many chances to do, the home educated children we spend time with tend to be more confident meeting new adults and children and socialise much better with children of different ages - schools artificially segregate children into spending most of their time with a limited number of children of the same age and split off into smaller friendship groups that stick together in my experience, we regularly meet lots of different families as well as our ‘core group’ of friends we see often and children from 3-11 play happily together. Chances are she’d settle into school fine aged 6/7 too - I remember when I was at school everyone wanted to make friends with the new kid!

I assume if you’re considering her starting later then you’d follow a semi structured approach so she wasn’t too far behind her peers academically, we follow a semi structured home ed approach though, and my ds is working at the level he would be in a school setting and it takes a fairly minimal amount of time to do it as he has me with him 1:1 rather than a teacher with 29 other children to supervise, leaving lots for free play, groups and activities and seeing friends (the ‘socialising’ the uninformed think we don’t do!). Would you continue home education beyond the age you’re considering now if she’s happy and has an established social circle and regular activities she’d want to continue with?

But 1:1 tution with their mother does mot emulate a school environment in any way. Kids learn from their peers, sometimes compete with them etc. How do they learn that at home? And unless a child has special needs I really cannot see any reason why parents would deprive their kids of normal life experiences.

As for the quality of the education. How can a parent be confident in his own ability to teach all subjects at a secondary school level?! Do many home educated kids go to top universities (genuine question as I don't know)?

Children who are home schooled are usually part of a home schooling group with parents teaching different subjects. They generally do very well, benefit from smaller groups. They also have outings, go to exhibitions. Make friends. Another benefit is they don't have to stick to the usual school holiday period if they want to go away.

I know someone who home schooled both children, she also tutored a couple of others and they went to classes for enrichment activities. The eldest has now started at 'big' school which she was very keen on and glad to get into. All is well there.

Their mum is a Cambridge grad, sciences, very clever. However a qualified, experienced primary school teacher would be able to teach a few children several subjects. Someone else could take them for exercise, swimming, games. Art, botany and such things are usually covered too.

I'm in a part of Europe that starts school at 6 and I do agree it feels better but the fact is that in the UK that all the other children start at 4/5 so delaying your child potentially puts them at a disadvantage. English is a difficult language to learn to read and write, I've had to teach DD at home and I started around 6 years old and now, at nearly 9, she is able to read fairly fluently, whereas with the local language she went from zero reading to fluent reading in two months. That makes a big different to how much schooling is needed to prepare them to be able to learn efficiently (i.e. being able to read and write so they can learn other subjects)

is she summer born? she can delay for a year and still enter into reception.

Kindergarten usually starts at 3 and concentrates on all sorts of playfull skill-building exercises to prepare for the school environment (from dressing / underessing, following class room rules, keeping things in order, holding and using pencils, paintbrushes, scissors, going about in traffic, public transport training, going on overnight trips etc.) - what they can largely ignore is starting to read and write.
The English spelling system - though historically fascinating - is difficult. So there is a reason for starting earlier.
DD started to learn her letters at the age of 6 in August and was a fluent reader at Christmas. The letter to sound relation ist way simpler. I think the most complicated parts are the rules for punctuation.

DS2 didn’t go to nursery and didn’t start school till yr 1. I’m proud to say I’ve never owned a flash in my life. He lived a largely outdoor life, we had masses of space, dogs chicken horses and a pony he was a prodigious climber a mad keen cyclist we lived near the sea we regularly went to the beach he was very happy. The only formal lessons he had were swimming lessons. He self taught himself math, he liked number games, loved art, both looking at paintings my DM frequently took him to exhibitions in London and drawing he loved playing cards rummy gin rummy trumps etc and I read endlessly to him or he listened to audio books. On starting school in yr 1 they were shocked that he could neither read or write he knew no letters. But within weeks of starting school he’d caught up with his peers for both reading and writing and he was one of the first in his class to become a “free reader”;his math was so good he was moved into the next class (mixed years).
At yr 2 he moved to a prep school. He wasn’t “disadvantage” by his alternative start to education in fact the complete opposite; the school were impressed by his maturity and quite confidence his sense of balance (his real vocation should have been a tight rope walker) and hand eye coordination although they also considered him to be quite eccentric. At yr 6 he was pre tested for two super selectives one probably the most competitive in the UK he was offered places at both, both commented on his extraordinary ability to form a coherent argument.
He got top grades at yr 11 and 13 and is now at a top 20 RG uni.
He remains passionate about art, playing cards and loves horses and cycling an ardent environmentalists he dreams of living by the sea or in a rural location preferably both and math remains his thing he remains eccentric a lone wolf but he’s been that since he was a toddler. To quote the famous saying show me the boy of 7 ...... The only thing I would say is he’s a poor swimmer!
OP it’s hard to not follow the paths that most choose and you’ll repeatedly hear and read comments like “they’ll get behind” won’t develop social skill be disadvantaged and maybe some will, it wouldn’t have suited DS1. But I have never believed in the one site fits all approach to education, you know your DC assuming you can do it go with what you believe to be the best individual approach for them.

XelaM most home educators aren’t trying to emulate a school environment, it’s an alternative not a substitute. There are plenty of opportunities to work with and interact with their peers, home educated children certainly aren’t being ‘deprived’ of anything.

Bluerussian I’d say that’s a more unusual approach to home education, there are plenty of groups, some organised and facilitated by parents and others more formally with an external teacher but to be part of a ‘collective’ sort of group you describe is certainly not the norm.

I don’t have an answer for you but this is incorrect
Its true that in a lot of countries they start later, but a lot of languages are a lot simpler to read and write than English - it does take longer because of our crazy spelling systems

Have you ever left her? Maybe try a nursery type setting to see how she gets on. She may surprise you.

I agree with others that you do risk putting her at a disadvantage.... particularly from a social aspect.