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Original poster

Starting Reception - offer of 1st choice on first day

18 replies

Mugglybuggly · 11/09/2019 09:34

Hi all,
I’m in the peculiar position of just having been offered our 1st choice Primary school for DD, after desperately hoping a place would come up all summer. They are popular and over subscribed and we didn’t get in. Instead we were offered a place at the school nearest where we live.
However.. we are moving house (fingers crossed) nearer to the 1st choice school and so declined the other place and decided to keep DD on at the prep school where she was at nursery for a year. Obviously it is fee paying and we and DD love it there.
The thing is, DD had her first day in Reception at prep school and is happy, comfortable, settled and excited about school. I was in a quandary but had to give the school offering the last minute an instant answer. I turned it down in fear of disrupting my DD and ruining everything since she had already had her first day.
But family and friends (mostly family) tell me I have made a big mistake as it’s a wonderful school (their children all went there) and it is free. They think we have saddled ourselves unnecessarily and seem to have strong opinions about it and how one day at the prep school didn’t matter, she could just begin again at the state school.
I am lost and feel really stupid for turning down a great state school place. But I just felt I couldn’t do it to my daughter.
Please help me stop agonising over the snap decision I made - or not. I don’t know what to think! Big TIA

OP posts:

SulaHula · 11/09/2019 09:46

If you can afford it then I can't see a problem. If the fees are a stretch I think you've made a mistake and should get back on the waitlist.

Original poster

Mugglybuggly · 11/09/2019 10:17

Thank you SulaHula for your reply. We can afford it, and for this I am very grateful. But that’s not to say there won’t be sacrifices or that we won’t feel the pressure. I am on their list but I feel it has been done. Silly to regret I know, but snap decisions were never my strong point.

Any other thoughts? Anyone else?

OP posts:

fishonabicycle · 11/09/2019 11:05

What are you asking? You've turned it down, so it's irrelevant. Just get on with the decision you made.

Original poster

Mugglybuggly · 11/09/2019 11:53

Thanks Fish. I’m asking whether anyone has any positive input as to how to move forward and not regret - some may have gone through a similar experience. Appreciate we are lucky to have this problem but hoping somebody can relate

OP posts:

Chocolateandcarbs · 11/09/2019 12:03

We were offered a place at preferred state school about 3 days after accepting a place at prep school. I am very happy with the decision we made. Yes, fees are a pain, but my child is happy, has access to wonderful facilities, is in a school with a high staff to pupil ratio. I have experienced an unbelievable amount of judgement for the choice we’ve made, but the school we’ve chosen is just better than our state alternatives (in my opinion) and I’m sick of justifying prep school! You made a gut choice on the phone ... the right one for you. Don’t let anyone else make you feel insecure.

Chocolateandcarbs · 11/09/2019 12:04

As for how to move forward ... just ask your child if they liked school today 😊

SulaHula · 11/09/2019 12:08

I think you need to remind yourself what exactly you're buying because you are purchasing something and that something is an experience for your daughter that will shape her life.

We didn't get any of our local schools and ended up in a black hole in london so went private for reception. By the time year 2 came around we were offered a place in one of our outstanding local primaries but turned it down. What helped was being very clear as to why. Our DS was going to be one of the invisible middle. Not all that confident and could really benefit (and has) from smaller classes where the teacher can actually focus on the emotional/social development as well. We chose a school that suited our son. We wanted lots of sports and forest school. We wanted specialist teaching for art/music/drama/science etc and got it. We wanted clubs on site and wrap around care.

I didn't want a school so big that he was just lost in a sea of other children. I didn't want a class of 30. I didn't want a school that was hugely focussed on pleasing ofsted and getting as many kids to standard but not further.

You need your list. And then weigh it up against what you won't be having like fancy holidays or whatever.

Original poster

Mugglybuggly · 11/09/2019 13:16

Chocolate, thank you so much for sharing your experience. Really good to hear and I’m pleased you are happy with your decision.
Sula, it sounds like you also are very happy with your choice which is great. Writing a list is a really good idea. I could have just gone for it on the phone and regretted that far more.... Will do some weighing up. Thank you

OP posts:

Original poster

Mugglybuggly · 11/09/2019 13:18

I have since found out there are just under twice as many boys as girls at the school I turned down. I’ll put that on my ‘cons’ list as I have a daughter who is a bit boy-mad 😆

OP posts:

underneaththeash · 17/09/2019 08:00

We've done a couple of outstanding state school for the children, but the fee-paying schools (even the crap one that DD attended for a bit) were so much better in terms of class sizes, teaching, extra-curricular, pastoral care, enthusiasm of teaching staff and facilities.

If you can afford it, I'd do prep every time.

daisypond · 17/09/2019 08:04

You’ve already made the decision, so unless there’s a way of changing it, there’s no point thinking about it. Concentrate on the positives of the school you’ve accepted. Personally, though, I would have accepted the state school place- especially at primary level.

FlyingBanana · 17/09/2019 08:10

Depends if you genuinelybreally wanted the prep place or were just worried about moving her.

If you prefer the prep, own the decision thats fine.

If you are just worried about moving her dont be! At that age they really do soon adjust and its easier the younger you move them. A few days of school is nothing

Original poster

Mugglybuggly · 17/09/2019 09:06

Thanks so much for replying all. Some interesting points. Flying, I do genuinely love the prep as it provides the nurturing, calm, smaller environment that my daughter seems to need and the teachers are wonderful. Both of her teachers in reception came over from the state school in question. But if we’d been offered the place before she started at the prep we’d have taken it as it is a nice village school to which my brothers sent all 8 of their children.
I’m coming to terms with the snap decision
and think the weird guilt and feeling of ‘missing a trick’ about choosing the prep school will fade as family accept my choice and as I watch my daughter thrive

OP posts:

Original poster

Mugglybuggly · 17/09/2019 09:11

Posted too soon! Underneath - that is really reassuring to know and a good point as I can’t compare the two
Daisy, we only ever consisted private at prep/ primary level as are in grammar school area. If she were to not pass the 11+ then there are great state secondaries too, luckily!

OP posts:

FlyingBanana · 17/09/2019 09:29

We were the other way. We loved our local infant school at the time, and had planned to pay private if kids didnt get into grammar. Our non grammar schools aren't so great so we planned to save but circumstances changed!

I'd personally prefer private secondary to primary if a good local primary.

FlyingBanana · 17/09/2019 09:31

But if you love and can easily afford the prep then great!

WombatChocolate · 19/09/2019 19:39

Personally, if the state school was your preference, I would go with that. Having spent a day (or couple of weeks elsewhere) can emotionally sway you and the upheaval seems overwhelming.....but it’s not. Children adapt fast and if state was right for your family for now and you’d have accepted a place in May, June, August then accepting in September is right too.

Perhaps the key q isn’t if you can afford it but why you chose the state originally - and as long as those reasons still apply (and why wouldn’t they) then it seems the right choice.

Bear in mind that it will get harder to exit the Prep school. Look at the fees for now and older years and do compounded calculations for 5% fee increase per year and think carefully about if you want this if there’s a good alternative.

BeautifulBlackBamboo · 22/09/2019 12:42

I've switched one child from private to state & the other from state to private, both within the first 2 weeks of starting their old schools. Because it was the right decision in the long run.

If it helps, mind just moved from OS state to private having done 2 days at Reception. There are pros & cons to both but for the given child this was absolutely the right choice.

If I were in your position, I'd go back on the waitlist if the state choice, and give myself time to think. If you really feel you should've gone with state then you can grab a seat when it's offered next. And if that's your choice your child will be fine with the move. Explaining in advance /cousins etc will play a big part in how they accept it.

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