Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Education

Join the discussion on our Education forum.

Flip

Original poster

My son is really upset about starting school

18 replies

puddle · 22/09/2004 09:53

We are three weeks in and the first two weeks went brilliantly. Now today is the third morning I have dropped him off and he's in floods of tears and really unhappy - clinging t me etc. the teacher had to peel him off me yesterday and today. I know it's early days but for some reason I wasn't ready for this - I thought he would be Ok - he's normally sociable, pretty confident etc.

He's been at nursery three days a week since he was one so he's used to being away from me. He's 4.5 so is mornings only until Xmas. There are two or three children he knows in the class and he says he likes his teacher. I've spoken to him about what is upsetting him and he's talked about being scared of the playground because he doesn't know how to get back to his classroom - the school is a bit of a warren and I can see how he gets confused. I'm going to speak to his teacher today and see what their take on it is but can anyone advise me how to deal with this? As we went there this morning he said to me "I have such a sad feeling in my tummy I don't think I'll be able to stop crying when I get to school".

We had planned to start him two days a week at after school this week but have put it on hold - I feel we can't introduce another new thing when he's having problems coping with school. Am feeling quite stressed about it because I have to juggle all this with work......

OP posts:

clairabelle · 22/09/2004 09:57

poor you and poor ds, would it help if after schoo, you walked round with him so you could both talk about how to get to the palyground etc when you get home. DD has just started school and I have noticed a lot of children getting upset this week, tiredness? novelty weraing off?

clairabelle · 22/09/2004 09:57

Sorry about the typos must preview

Twiglett · 22/09/2004 10:00

message withdrawn

coppertop · 22/09/2004 10:01

Could he pair up with another child from his class at the end of each playtime? Even if they both ended up getting lost it wouldn't be as scary with two of them.

Original poster

puddle · 22/09/2004 10:01

Thanks - he has had a walk round with DP on Monday (after he had spent the weekend getting worried about it) and that doesn't seem to have helped.

OP posts:

Kittypickle · 22/09/2004 10:01

My DD's reception teacher said last year that very often they start off fine then the tears come a few weeks later. I think it's definitely a good idea to talk to his teacher, I'm sure she'll be able to come up with something that helps. Good luck, I'm hope things will get better very soon.

carla · 22/09/2004 10:03

Poor you and little puddle. Absolutely agree with Twiglett - when dd1 started she loved it for the first 2 weeks, and then cried for about three, then loved it again. Do think it's because the novelty wears off and the dawning that this is it sets in. It will get better.

binkie · 22/09/2004 10:06

I think clairabelle is right in suggesting tiredness & novelty wearing off (they're linked, as novelty can carry them through tiredness for a bit). My ds is in yr 1 now (so very used to school now) and was very unusually for him tearful this morning - I spoke to his lovely very experienced teacher and she said she's noticing it about all the children. How do you feel about his teacher? Do you feel she will know to give him a bit of extra tlc?

Original poster

puddle · 22/09/2004 10:08

His teacher is actually a man (rare I know and v good from what I have seen so far). How do you deal with it tho when they are upset and say they don't want to go? Do you jolly them along? Say they have to or I end up in prison I have been trying to emphasise the good things about school....but I have so little idea what they do all day (although he does talk about it quite a bit)

OP posts:

Original poster

puddle · 22/09/2004 10:10

Binkie - I like what I have seen of his teacher so far. He seems calm and kind and certainly helped me this morning (yesterday he was on non contact time and two classroom assistants were in charge - neither of whom little Puddle knew).

OP posts:

Twiglett · 22/09/2004 10:11

message withdrawn

binkie · 22/09/2004 10:13

As to what to say, depends on child: if it were dd for whom people are the only thing that matters I would say, "I bet Miss X is really looking forward to seeing you today, wouldn't you like to see her? And didn't you say you wanted to play with Y?" If it were ds I'd say, I looked on your timetable and you've got SCIENCE this morning, isn't that amazing, what do you think you'll do in it?

What wouldn't work with either is actually talking about being sad - would just intensify it - distraction always better for us.

Original poster

puddle · 22/09/2004 10:17

Thanks Twiglett - yes that has happened for the last two days now. What I am a bit worried about is that he has been getting upset at the thought of the after school too and so I aid we won't start it this week - my instinct tells me this was the right thing to do - surely they can only take so much newness at once? - but I think my dp thinks I have 'given in' a bit.

OP posts:

aloha · 22/09/2004 11:00

School is not an appropriate place for four year olds IMO - no help to you, I know, and I really, really feel for you. I can still remember my own very first day at school extremely vividly (July born). I think you are right to trust your instincts. I am sure it will improve, but also sure that this is very hard for you right now.

Original poster

puddle · 22/09/2004 13:27

Thanks to those who posted on this this morning. I've lurked a lot but not posted much so it's nice when people take the time to respond. I have spoken to his teacher and feel that it is just that the honeymoon period is over and it's a matter of riding it out. He had quite a good morning - vast improvement on yesterday anyway.

OP posts:

carla · 22/09/2004 13:40

Glad to hear it puddle!

carla · 23/09/2004 09:55

DD2 cried this morning too, puddle. Guess that's the end of her honeymoon period

Original poster

puddle · 23/09/2004 19:49

Carla - he was totally fine this morning! We now have an at home sticker chart for 'being brave at school' and he has some home from school the last two days covered with stickers for being brave too. Bless.

OP posts:

Flip