New Term BoarDInG

[huntzoey]

I am considering sending my nine year old to boarding school, I would like some advice from other parents of current or former boarders, on things they wish that they would have known before they started boarding.

Don’t send too much stuff.
Put name tapes in everything.
Don’t use a trunk for luggage yes it looks very Mallory Towers but you’ll regret it when lugging it up 4 flights of stairs. Instead buy the strongest lightest suitcase you can afford with wheels that will stand being dragged up four flights of stairs and bounced down.
Provide a lockable tuck box for your DD’s personal belongings.
Only send their passport in if they need it.
Don’t send your child back to school with either a couple of grand in cash or the same amount in their current account.
Dont expect your DD to phone/txt/WhatsApp every day leave them alone they’re busy.
Don’t be “that parent” trust your HM they are acting in your place and the vast majority take this very seriously boarding doesn’t work for helicopter parents you’ll drive yourself the school and your DD up the wall if you have a need to micro manage your child’s every waking minute.
Unless you own a helicopter have no life or list driving as you number 1 passion max distance between you and the school 1 1/2 hours preferably nearer.
If you want full boarding that means staying in school 7 nights a week not coming home Sat night choose a school where the vast majority full board. Schools are economical with the truth when it comes to number of full boarders.
No where is perfect.
If something really matters to you e.g you need a world championship standard tiddlywinks club then make sure they have one never assume they will. Draw up a list off must haves you may have to compromise a little.
Boarding doesn’t suit all although contrary to what done on here will say the vast majority are well adjusted happy with excellent relationships with their families.
Be prepared to receive endless comments from total strangers friends work colleagues etc about how cruel boarding is by people who’ve never set a single toe inside a boarding school but who will happily recount stories of their sisters husbands brother who went to boarding school 30+ years ago and is now a totally dysfunctional sociopath. And will assume you don’t love your child and they don’t love you.
Look at two or three before making your choice try to not go on an open day . If possible
go on a normal school day watch what’s going on the children should look relaxed your in their home and the ratio ship between pupils and staff significantly more informal than in a day school.
Don’t be wowed by medieval manuscripts gothic chapels and Olympic swimming pools all nice to have but it’s the ethos that matters where possible it needs to match yours.

If your child has a medical condition and requires regular medication beyond the odd inhaler etc don’t try and talk to your HM matron on the day she starts they won’t have time to listen properly tell them in advance by email and if necessary email the school medical centre as well. Oh and don’t try to hide complex medical conditions e.g. diabetes or eating disorders, the school will find out and they would rather know in advance do that they can help your DV where possible .
Contrary to what some parents think boarding school is not the solution if you and your child have a very problematic relationship it can help by giving you both some space but you will still need professional help.
Neither will it cure eating disorders school refused or guarantee to turn a bone idol child in a super swot.

Well said, Happy - as usual you are spot on!

Nine is quite young. Will they be a Chorister? If so definitely live close and plan Christmas and Easter and other festivals around their timetable.

Boarding at a young age is such fun for them ...sleep over every night with their friends. My kids loved it. Matron and Staff become an extension of your family. We have never regretted it and my kids have a very normal & loving family life too. Best of both worlds!

Montysmam done a hard hat the anti boarders will soon be along to tell you what a terrible uncaring parent you are.

On your earlier thread you ask about removing a child from a boarding prep after discovering disquieting information.
Is your DC already at a boarding prep? Or are your questions just theoretical?

Mine did have trunks. The school asked that they did because storage was in the school loft and trunks stacked. Use blanket layers if they need to go up stairs. We never had any problems and DDs had never heard of Mallory Towers.

If boarding at 9, be available when necessary. Make certain you know when you need to go to school and never let DC down with a non appearance!

Although DD2 didn’t board at 9, her prep school had boarders. From what I saw, all were happy and enjoyed school. This school was the oldest girls’ boarding prep and they understood boarders! That’s the main thing. Trusting the school and the staff. But, parents being available if needed is important.

I am starting the investigation process now, he is currently nine, but it won't be until maybe eleven at earliest. Although the Sunningdale documentary said that the boy who started at eleven was wait listed to senior school, so maybe ten.

Brilliant advice happygardening

Is he currently at boarding prep? What schools are you interested in? Many of the over subscribed super selective pre test in yr 6 you could take a chance from a state school (if you’re in one although that doesn’t tie in with your other thread) it’s not impossible to do this and then move him him for yr 7. Or if you’re looking at schools that pre test I. Yr 7 or not at all then then you could wait till yr 7 to move him quite a few joined DS’s prep in yr 7.

I am only considering boarding because my children have gotten straight A's all through school and have never really been challenged academically. I have had my children in state schools all along, the only way that I am able to even consider boarding is due to a large inheritance that I have received last year (I make under 30 K per year as a local secretary.). That is probably why I made a poor school choice for the other child school.

I forgot to say that I am in Sandringham, where according to the ISC website there are few close day school options. I have even considered relocating to a more metropolitain area to get better school options.