DS has suddenly started to hate school. Help!

[MeanBean]

DS started school in January when he was 4 and a half and was in the reception class.

He went back to school last week and on Friday pulled a sickie (I realised at around 9.30 that he wasn't really ill and took him to school) and this morning was really crying and upset and didn't want to go.

He's told me that he doesn't like his new class because they can't play until the afternoon and have to do hard work in the morning which he can't do.

Is this just culture shock? I'm a bit uneasy, because I know that when they move out of reception into year 1, it becomes much more formal, and last week they sent home a book which was way above any level that he could even attempt to read at, so I've assumed that it is just a story book for me to read him, but I'm a bit worried that maybe they're expecting him to attempt to read it! Up to now, his school has struck me as being really great, very realistic, very anti the current Gradgrind culture of league tables, but I want to make sure that DS is not de-motivated by the fear of failure - I want him to see school as a positive, fun thing. Any advice?

I'd have a word with his teacher and let her know that ds is finding the work difficult. It would also give you an opportunity to ask about the books he is bringing home.

It may just be the new structure that he finds difficult IYSWIM. I was told that it's quite a big change between Reception and Yr1 and that my own ds1 may need extra support when he makes the same change next September.

So he is in yr 1 now is that right ??

My Dd1 did exactly the same thing.
She loved being in reception, and adored her teacher and assistant.
When starting yr 1 she was so upset, and all of her confidence dissapeared for a while.

I think it is just quite a big shock for them as in reception even the work is like a game and the atmosphere is quite light hearted i think.

Yr 1 seems to suddenly introduce them to proper work and i think it frightens some of them.
My Dd was suddenly convinced she was terrible at maths and that her handwriting was awful, when neither was true.

It did take her about 3mths to settle down i think.
Now she is in yr2 and loves it, as it's more or less the same as yr 1 but with slightly harder work.

Hope he is feeling happier soon

Probably the shock of a different system, class, teacher, timetable and so on. It is natural to feel out of one's depth when doing something new after all, but he may not be mature enough to express or deal with it yet at just 5.

Has he been through a whole week's timetable yet as I find ds more settled once he can start to predict the next day. Do check on the book system - different teachers interpret the reading schemes in different ways and if you are uncertain it may rub off. They should really explain their expectations to you more clearly, could you have missed an explanatory note, and if you don't have a parent/teacher meeting lined up soon perhaps a quiet word is in order. Then you also have the opportunity to ask how she feels ds is coping.

It could well be that she has been giving them stuff to do as an informal assessment in the first week but that this is not representative of the work they will be doing so he may feel unduly concerned.

I'd talk to his teacher too I think and ask if he/she can help. My ds loves his school and his friends but was still worried about how he'd have to do 'hard work' when he got into Y2. He's happier now we're 2 weeks in tbh. Your poor ds, I do feel for them.

Agree with others about talking to his teacher. Y1 can be a shock to the system for children, compared to reception. It does tend to be more "nose to the grindstone" literacy and maths in the morning, due to schools being required to do a formal literacy hour and numeracy hour every day.

Your ds probably does get a morning playtime, but isn't noticing because he's a bit overwhelmed!

Usually, children are put in to "ability groups" in Y1 (often in reception too), ie working alongside children of similar ability. It MIGHT be that he's in a group where the level of work is stressing him out. Ask his teacher about this. Perhaps he could work in a group down for a bit (rest of this half term for instance) then move back up when he's a bit more confident.

It's important that children have some challenge, but not to the point where they can't cope.

The book that was sent home SOUNDS like a library book for sharing (ie being read by adult), the reading books MAY not have been sorted out yet as its only a couple of weeks into the academic year.

Good luck!

my son has just gone into year one and I suspect we'll get the same sort comments from him soon - the penny is slowly dropping that there is less play ( no lego, mummy!!!) and more writing to do.

I am going to give it a week or two, unless there are tears every morning. Just so I can be sure that any complaints not just about the change of routine.

I think many schools give out a curriculum letter soon into term, so parents know what is being covered and what they can do to help. If and when you get yours, you could use this as basis for talking to your son's teacher.

If your son is still like this in another weeks or so, I do think you need to let the teacher know your son is feeling a bit daunted by things.

ps, I am also emphasising all the positive things about being a year 1 to my son, ie not being in the youngest year any more, and being able to earn bonus points like the bigger children. He seems to like hearing this stuff and feeds off my enthusiasm. Tonight when we were talking of bonus points he told me the teacher has promised a hotwheels track to the first child to get 100 bonus points - I suspect this is a story he has made up, but still...

They sent home a reading book today which was much more at the level that I'd expect him to be able to cope with. Phew!

I'm hoping it is just the change of moving between year 1 and reception, and also some of the people who were in his class at reception have now moved into another class, so I think that's a bit of a disruption.

He hasn't had any more screaming and wailing fits, but he is just not as enthusiastic about going to school anymore. I really want to see him looking as happy as he did the first day when he was going back and really looking forward to it...

I'll do what you suggest, Tigermoth and emphasise all the positive things about his new class. There's a parent's evening in October, so that might be useful.

MeanBean, if he still seems very unhappy, it may be worth talking to him about how he is getting on with the other children - although, if he is anything like my son, also just in year 1, this won't be easy as he refuses to tell me anything about what goes on in school. Just to make sure that he doesn't feel 'picked on' by other children, although, I am sure that like most children in year 1, he is coming to terms with the sudden change of pace, especially after the long summer holidays when they may well have forgotten a lot of the stuff they learnt in reception.

Just what I was going to say sis. How about inviting one of the other boys home after school? They get on much better with some good friends.
Also how does he get on with the teacher?? I have found that my kids adore some teachers and do not relate to others, esp those that don't treat them as individuals - I would certainly speak to the teacher and make him/her aware that your ds is a little unhappy.

we've got a parents meeting in october too - just to introduce the new teacher to us. When I go I will let her do the talking to begin with, just to see how she feels my son is settling into year 1, before I give my version.

I want to allow for the fact that what my ds tells me at home may be different to how he appears at school - a bit like tiny children who cry at nursery drop off time, but happily settle down once their parents have gone.

Mind you, I do think any problems my son might have at school are more likely to come out now he's out of reception, so I don't want to dismiss anything he says.

All is clear. His teacher told me this morning that they are putting him on Special Needs, because he can't read yet.

He is 5 and three months. In every other country in Europe they don't even start formal reading till about six. And nearly all of them are better educated than the British.

FFS.

Can they do that without any consultation with you as to other things that may be coming to bear. It seems very soon in the year to be judging him like this.

Also what does she mean by putting him on "Special Needs" - will he get more 1 to 1, how is this handled in the classroom etc ? It doesn't sound as though she is handing your ds in particularly sensitive manner, is there another teacher or SENCO who could clarify all this for you.

I hope you can resolve this but her expectations do sound less than realistic. Our nephew is 6 in November but only over the summer has he started to show any interest in reading.

yes, do get this clarified. My son is supposed to be on a table where children are getting a little 'extra support' from the teaching assistant, but that's not 'special needs' as I understand it. He can recognise a few words, but as he only turned 5 a few weeks ago, I can't get that worked up about him reading or not.

My oldest son was on the schools 'special needs' list, but not till the end of year 1. This was for his behaviour. He was on the list only after the teacher had talked to us thoroughly. We saw what targets she had set for him, had to agree on them as well. Then we all decided on consistent methods of discpline and praise at school and at home.

TBH Tigermoth, that's how I feel. If he were seven and couldn't read, I'd be worried, but at 5, I think he's just not ready yet, and it has just really pissed me off that they think he needs extra help to do something quicker which imo he's not ready to do yet at all, except at a very slow unthreatening pace. I'm just scared that he'll start to think of reading as a chore, rather than a pleasure. I'm waiting for the letter to come to explain further exactly how they're approaching it.

Oh, MeanBean, that's crazy. My dd hadn't even started school (in Scotland) at 5yr 3mths, let alone learnt to read.

It does sound a bit quick to be deciding he has special needs in relation to reading if the issue hasn't been brought up before.

I always used the first half term in year 1 to assess children's ability levels, based on info from their reception teacher and what I was observing myself in the classroom. Then I'd consider which children may have special needs.

I've just got the letter. It says they've "raised x's level of need to School Action. This means that he is on our register of pupils with Special Educational Needs....now has an Individual Education Plan with targets for attainment. A copy of the targets from the plan is available for you to discuss and sign at the parents evening."

So they're obviously not expecting to me to read it very carefully before I sign it.

ffs indeed meanbean. My son couldn't read until he was SIX! And I'd have been very pissed off at this level of inappropriate intervention at five and a bit. He's nearly 7 now and reading fine btw. I'd go and see the teacher and tell them you think it's inappropriate. Let us know how you get on.

agree with jellyhead in 'A lot of schools are keen to put children on the special needs register to get funding for extra staff in the classroom. Fair enough if that is what the child needs' That's been my experience, too. I live in SE london, btw, where there is a local teacher shortage - I don't know if area makes a difference.

I know that this is low level special needs labelling by the school, and we're not talking about the battle for recongnition and funding that people like jimjams go through, but IME this eagerness to say kids are special needs does happen around here.

There is a boy in my 5 year old sons' class who has lots of one to one help and from what I can gather, it's neeeded. He has some behaviour problems. But I simply cannot see that not reading at 5 years 2 months necessitates an educational action plan and I am so cross on your behalf that the school have been so highanded and not consulted you earlier. When my son was put on the special needs register, I was consulted far more than this and told face to face, not through a letter.

I think you should speak to the teacher and the schools special needs coordinator asap.And don't be afraid to ask how many other children in his class are 'special needs' due to their non reading. I'd like to hear the answer to that. It will put things in context at least. I cannot believe your son is the only non reader in his class.

oh just seen your other thread on this. I agree that extra support is a good thing generally, but still feel the school have not communicated with you very well at all and you need to talk with the teacher.

IME schools vary in their assessment of a child being SEN or not - my son changed schools and his new school took him off their SEN register immediately.

The thing is that unless a child is statemented for special educational needs there is seldom, if ever, additional money fed into the school.

The first step on the ladder is school action, which involves an IEP, that directs a teacher to useful statagies and targets, but doesn't come with extra help. I only wish it did. Then comes school action puls, whic is as above but with outside agencies becoming involved, say ed psych ot ed welfare officers, anger managment, specialist help for dyslexia. Only when a child has a formal statemnt does extra money and resources come to the school. And then if they do not comply with the child's stsment of need it canbecome a legal issue.

I have a class of 18 with 12 on the regester, but none of them are statemnted. I am exceptionaly lucky to have a LSW for one of the two lessons I teach them.

BTW I dounbt that my son will be reading at 5, it doesn't worry me either. That said I'm not trained in primary.

hmb, thanks for that info.

I have never been sure if the number of children on the school special needs register helps determine what government targets the school is set. If you have the time, can you tell me please?