Are private schools worth the £££?

[JamdaniSari]

Hi all :)

We were discussing this at work yesterday and now that I am a mother it really got me thinking.

Are private schools worth the £££?

What if you couldn't afford to send your kids there and they attended an 'average' local state school. How would you go about ensuring they achieved their potential, were well rounded and had the confidence etc which their peers at private school would be expected to possess?

Thanks

Where did I personally complain about low wages? Does every single teacher do this?
I get a good staff discount if you must know and also my husband has a well paid job. Nosy question though obviously everyone has different personal finances.

@UnPocoLoco2 how weird that you took one piece of information about me (that I'm a teacher) and presumed my entire finances from this. Also making up a complaint I didn't make is bizarre.

yoursworried teachers are always complaining about 'low wages' if they are so low then how can you afford to send your kids to private school?

So much wrong with that post I don't know where to begin...

I know lots of teachers in the state system with DC at private school and they don’t get the generous discounts! Grandparents and higher earning partners are the answer!

I don’t necessarily agree the middling child is overlooked in state schools. Poor teachers might do this but the teachers I know really do try and get maximum progress out of all the children. No stone is left unturned. I haven’t noticed greater effort at private schools because Ofsted doesn’t arrive!

A lot of sense on this thread- but also more bollocks than The Chippendales - ”Putting her in a position where her chosen universities were competing to get her - offers of ‘two Es at A level’. ”- for example!

@UnPocoLoco2 sorry that's really rude. You can't make assumptions about people's finances based on their jobs. For some starters some senior teachers are well paid. Maybe not as much as they should be but they could afford a set of school fees in some circumstances. I know some on £70k up to about £90k in the state sector and I know there are some that are paid even more, I just don't know them.

Furthermore it's well known that a perk of working in the private sector is reduced school fees, some with considerable discounts.

Also there are such things as bursaries. And inheritance and all sorts that you just wouldn't know. Not everyone who sends their kids to private school are rolling in it. I know a single mum teacher who sold her house and car to pay for her only DD to go privately for two years.

My dcs are now at a private school. This was the best thing for them and worth the money.

Where we are schools are supposed to be good enough (the one they were going o was rated outstanding after all). But the reality was quite different, esp in the last few years with budget cuts.
Oldest child is very able but felt he had to hide his ability and tbh wasn’t actually given the opportunity to put these abilities to good use. Add to that the fact he is thriving in challenges.... what we couod see was him getting more and more disillusioned and uninterested. It also has had some impact in a social basis (he went back inwards and reduced contact with friends etc..to a minimum. Up to the isnt where I’m still wondering if he hasn’t got depressed)

Youngest child anxiety was to the roof. This is a child that is thriving if the environment is calm and structured. State school was regular fights at lunch time etc... He is also the type of child who never says anything, makes himself very small etc... to avoid attracting attention. Which he did very well incl with the teachers. The consequences of it was that he was never challenged on what he could do, something his last maths teacher acknowledged and apologised for. Since he started at his private school he has gained in confidence 100x, his results have shot up and he is actually looking happy and relaxed.

Do I think this is the case for every state school and every private school? Nope. I wondered for a long time of that amount of money would be better used in savings and given to them as a deposit to buy their first house for example.
But in our particular case, yes it is the best solution.

Agree with yourworried too about what you get

The not disrupted classes, the general attitude that excelling is a good thing and children not being forgotten about because they are quiet being the things that have made the most difference to my own dcs.

The activities they can do - yes it’s nice, they are able to do stuff they wouodnt have done otherwise but that’s not what I wouod say is the most important of it all.

I really wish my dcs had done the whole of secondary there rather than waiting until year 9~10 to move there.

Btw as I say, my experience wit’s two bright children with different temperament is that No, bright kids do not do well anywhere

Neither dc1 nor Dc2 did and they are both in the top of their respective classes now.

I have heard from a reliable education source that they are worth it for many after 11, but that they add no value before that.

I agree Applesbananaspears, and this is exactly why we have decided to go private. Yes a bright child will achieve average results wherever they go. Some may achieve top drawer results, but there is no guarantee. My daughter is particularly bright and I want to give her every opportunity to do as well as she can. She may come out with 9's across the board or a handful of 5's (unlikely) and I'll be proud of her either way.

I want my child in a class where the majority are top set material and that's why I chose a heavily selective school.

My daughter went to state school and has a degree, masters and is now enjoying her PhD. She has far outstripped her privately educated cousins, who hated their particular minor public school.

But the picture varies a great deal according to the child, the school and the support at home.

“My daughter went to state school and has a degree, masters and is now enjoying her PhD”
That’s fantastic.

But I do wish these things were not reported as if they are the exceptions that prove the rule!

@nakedscientist well done your daughter. Of course her story is not the usual one. Maybe she is brighter than her cousins, maybe they didn't go to a particularly high achieving private school. I have noticed that my very wealthy friends kids come out with very average results. They are cushioned and don't need the stellar results. Those of us that near kill ourselves often get what we pay for though.

My daughter is state educated and doing fantastically well. SATs next week and she should be exceeding expectations across the board. Offers from every school she sat the exam for. We are going private (academically selective) and as she is bright I expect her to do well. She would probably do well in a state school too.

“Those of us that near kill ourselves often get what we pay for though. ”

What does this mean?

This is a very interesting thread for me as our local secondary schools are poor except for the selective ones. One selective doesn’t just take the top performers but a selection from each performance band which makes entry even more of a lottery, the other is hard to get into but gives preference to those children in area. In order to get an equivalent house in area would cost us an additional £150k, with no guarantee that the move would result in a place.

We have a local private school that takes day pupils so we wouldn’t even have to consider boarding. It is a big financial commitment but, as well as academic achievement, we want DS to be happy in his school and I don’t think that he will be if he has to go to one of the local schools.

There's as much difference between different private schools as there is between different state schools. Some are undoubtedly worth the money if you can afford it and if they are offering things which you value enough to want to pay for them.

I've worked at many state and two private schools. The two private schools couldn't have been more different. I'd have paid to send my dd to the first one like a shot if I could've afforded it. The second one I wouldn't even free of charge, though it was still better than some of the state schools I've taught in.

Bright kids will generally do better anywhere than weaker kids (obviously), but they won't do as well in a bad school as they would in a good school (also pretty obviously).

Some parents send their dc to private school almost solely in order to keep them away from disruptive or 'undesirable' kids. This is largely frowned upon on MN, but having spent 20 years seeing the disruption caused by poor behaviour in schools, I can wholly sympathise. Private schools have bad behaviour too, but they are freer to deal with it how they see fit.

For me, I invested the £250k I would have spent on private education in a different way to benefit my children and we moved house for excellent state schools. We also spend a lot on extra curricular and holidays.

Higher results for average kids. I went to a selective private school. I was pretty average in that mix but probably from one of the poorest backgrounds. I got very high exam results as I was taught to pass the exams. I've got a post grad and a career that enables me to pay the private school fees for my (4) children. I wouldn't have done as well in a state school, not least because I lived in a deprived area. My husband is just as bright as me but didn't have that early advantage. His parents are much wealthier than mine as they didn't shell out for school fees. His state school was middle class in the main. He's had to set up his own business as he was capped in his industry from earning the big money as he didn't have the education record (but there will always be exceptions to that rule)

I have some friends who are multi multi millionaires. They have the kids who are just enjoying their education but in the main not killing themselves to get the very top grades. Those of us with the professional jobs often have kids that want to do the same. So I have wealthy lawyer friends who's kids are trying to emulate their oxbridge ppe education. Good private schools surround kids with knowledge and therefore ambition. If alumni are all dr's, lawyers, scientists etc then that is a more achievable dream.

My kids went to an outstanding state primary. I can already see that friends who have chosen private for primary have more opportunity. You need very hands on parents willing to provide lots of extra curricular to emulate late. That's what I chose to do to enable us to have the money for secondary - but I would have preferred to have gone private all the way.

Of course you get more “stuff” at private school- there is lots more money available! People seem to find this hard to grasp.

@madaboutwands
I could have written your post almost exactly. We were lucky to have a couple of fab Maths teachers at our outstanding primary for DDs though not when DS was there, & they made a massive difference to KS2 for DD1 & DD2. But the difference for private secondary has been huge - the relief of them finding places to belong. We could not afford prep school too.

Also depends on local schools - not everyone can move house to get into a good catchment area.

Bertrand you evidently haven’t read the current thread about the meaning of sayings. Some posters give your view of ‘the exception that proves the rule’ but one pp feels strongly that this is not the case. She said:

‘This is an example of flawed logic and sloppy thinking that really irritates me. You can't prove the soundness of a rule by citing an example where the rule doesn't work. Multiple exceptions to a rule generally prove nothing except that the rule is a bit shit.

It's important to note, as a PP has done, that the above nonsense hinges on the 180 degree change in the meaning of the word 'prove'.’

Eg, prove in the old sense of test and therefore finding the ‘rule’ to be nonsense.
Obviously you may disagree with this.

For me yes they are worth the money. It of course depends on your local state schools and on the private schools. I don't think people realise just how much private schools vary in ethos and curriculum.

If run well they allow for more individual attention. They allow for masses more emotional and social growth that is key in primary. The teachers are less stressed. They have a lower workload. That translates into happier teachers. They aren't fixated on SATS and hauling everyone over the line. They can focus on what's right for the individual child's development.

We never intended to use private schools and bought a house in the catchment for an outstanding primary. It was completely inappropriate for DC1 who turned out to be be autistic. 30 in a class was never going to be an environment where he thrived. DC2 is neurotypical and I assumed it would be ok for them to go state for primary and then private for secondary. We really couldn't afford two sets of fees. The reality is the disparity in the education and experience they are receiving is too big. And the guilt was too big so we are selling the house to release equity so we can pay for DC2 to go to a private prep too.

@PattyCow is it worth getting yourself into debt for school fees?