AIBU - are all prep school mummies judging?

[sunshine11]

Our first foray into prep school - dd started this academic year (y7) - she loves it but I'm feeling the pressure. I'm struggling to ingratiate myself with the other mums and it feels like they are super judgemental.

1. DD is going to an all girls for senior not a high flying school like Beneden (sneers from other mums)
2. We don't ski "you don't ski?!" (sneers from other mums)
3. I drive an old soft top whilst they are all in brand new Range Rovers (sneers from other mums)
4. I arrive late for the recital as I was visiting my dementia suffering mum in her care home (sneers from other mums)

Is this normal behaviour from prep school mummies? I do find their children quite pleasant but hate the judginess of the mums. It's completely not how I live my life.

AIBU or is it them? Is there a common ground? Have I made a massive F up with our school choice or is it early days?!

Loving the descriptions on this thread! I recognise them all from ds prep school.

Wonder where I fit in? Ok here goes
Dh in professional job, me retraining for new career will be low wages but family friendly hours. We have one ten year old car. Dh cycles to work. We have never skied. Struggle with the mortgage and school fees but get by. One holiday in Europe each year.

OP I steer very clear of the types you mention, not that they want to know me anyway! Honestly the nice parents will be there somewhere, you haven’t found them yet.

I am recognising so much in recollections here.smile The Alice Bands and Barbour jackets strike a chord. I'd add those tweedy shooting jackets to the mix. When my DS was a prep, I was the one on the Mountain Warehouse waterproof, although I confess I did buy a Northface long padded coat for the windy playground.

Joking apart, the thing I didn't like was how a child could be what my Northern husband calls 'a thicket' but manage to get through every hurdle because they were good at Rugby. The posh parents would never say this was the case (nevermind the teachers) but a very first generation Prep school property developer mum said - when I moaned about my DS's disability being discriminated against by the school - that her DS was assured a place at the next school because he was good at sport.

PS - state school is sooooo much better on every level

mastertomsmum

better for your son, that's good

Your post is an absolute string of stereotypes. And surely it's not news that talented sports people are often snapped up by private schools? Also that private schools are not often great for children with SEN or disabilites.

DD was boarding with the youngest LeBon. YLeB brought in the yummiest food on quiz night. They got our table full marks in the music section!

Should we accept that private schools are not great with kids with SN? Why?

No all. I’m some it’s all about the bottom line - or results boards.

Should we accept that private schools are not great with kids with SN? Why?

Some are.

Grammar schools aren't either tbf.

Our experience in the private sector with a child with impressively low processing speeds was (almost) entirely positive. The one hiccup was a tedious prep school head who 'did not believe in dyslexia' and who suggested she was not cut out for a selective London secondary and so should aim for 'country boarding'.

She did fine in academically selective schools and had some very good support along the way. Even though the schools would have known when offering her a place that her exam performances would not reflect her knowledge or their teaching due to timing and SPAG issues. (I understand her profile is now used in a major teacher training college as a case study to demonstrate that bright dyslexics can do well.)

But a digression.

Very early on I was warned by another prep mum not to allow a third mum to drive my DC. Our children were all friendly and shared play dates. Mid afternoon drinking. Though mild in comparison with the drug addicted aristo parents who would regularly issue kind invitations to her elder son to join them for weekends at their country pile. She was running out of reasons to decline. Subsequent observation suggested she was right on both counts.

I should add this was said once and never repeated. I never heard anyone else comment, so very little judginess. There was another instance where a mum failed to properly safeguard other children in her care. Nothing bad happened but the comment from the other mum affected was succinct "I shall mark her down as 'not to be trusted'".

But it was mainly working mums, and people were too busy to gossip.