State to Independant

[osvic]

Hi there, I am new to Mumsnet. I'm just after some advice/experiences.

I have an 8 yr old boy in state primary. When I applied for schools we preferred the primary in the village along but it was massively oversubscribed and we ended up with our catchment village school. Its a nice school but we did prefer the other, the other has a calmer atmosphere that I considered suited our son better. His school is very busy and noisy and I consider this to be some of the issue. He is now in the local junior school with 34 to a class. Over the last 3.5 yrs in school we hear the same things, easily distracted, capable, has great ideas but doesn't get them onto paper etc etc. Behaviour is fine accept for the odd stupid thing (paperclips down the toilet). He doesn't have many close friends, he made two lovely ones in yr 2 then they split the class up and he was separated from both. He seems really unsettled and not fitting into anyone group this year. School have refused to move him thus far.

We have started to look at independent schools, mainly for class sizes and to give him opportunities in more practical subjects that he enjoys. He isn't overly academic so we are considering the local GEMS school which seems well rounded where as a couple of other independents seem much more academically focused and I'm concerned he'd get left behind and struggle.

Since discussing moving he has been complaining of feeling sick in school, he isn't sick and is well in himself and I believe this is anxiety. He is also having some issues with 'friends' in his class and seems quite upset by this. Whilst he liked the GEMS school he doesn't want to move next year and I am in turmoil about what to do? Not sure if the anxiety is current school related or thoughts of moving. It only happens at school.

Have you moved a child that was a bit reluctant? Did it work out ok? Have you successfully/unsuccessfully moved from state to independent?
Do, what I consider to be the long term benefits out weigh his short term upset? He won't lose his small group of friends as he will remain in Cubs locally with them and we will make efforts to see them at weekends etc.

sorry I should add that another reason for looking at independent is that our state secondary options are dire. Three of our towns secondary are listed as the worst in the country. So at yr 7 he will be going to independent but in order to let him catch up wed like to move him before at some point.

Sorry I know this wasn’t what you asked. Your DC displays some to the traits my DS had in junior school eg being distracted, unsettled, can’t get things down on paper and then high levels of anxiety. Please do get him checked for any learning difficulties. My DS has a form of dyslexia which the school didn’t pick up he because he is intelligent and had managed to find some coping mechanisms which disguised his issues. He was basically struggling to keep up and so was switching off, messing around to hide his problems but getting increasingly stressed by his inability to prove what he knew on paper. Once we were aware of his needs, he became much more relaxed and engaged again.

Thank you. He is having some input from the SENCO and I have a meeting with them next week.

We moved dc state to independent at 8. Turned out to be a great decision. I won''t pretend there weren't a few teething problems, but they only lasted a few weeks at most whilst they settled in. Make sure you do taster days before you start to ensure he's aware of layout and some of the children though.

And your ds sounds a lot like mine too. Independent school were really helpful is helping us get to the bottom of it and now at 12 he's doing so much better than we expected

A vote for independent here too. It really helped my children (also moved at 8) to discover new interests and work on some of thdi individual difficulties. It hasn't all been plain sailing but well worth it for all our children. I would move him.

At 8 he's going to be anxious but just reassure him and move him. Don't talk about it too far in advance though. Make sure he gets to do a taster day. Go to their summer fete. Once you've given your deposit ask to be added to the WhatsApp group/Classlist. We did and were invited to a birthday party before he even started and that really helped. I'd absolutely move him.

Another yes to moving - did with DS half way through year 2, made a huge difference

Honestly at 8 just move him quickly. If he is anxious waiting until September is not the way to go.

Move him. Having done state to private I honestly don’t know why everyone who can afford private doesn’t choose it.

Moved my two, eldest (9) was a bit anxious and had the same tummy pains on the first day but they really helped her settle. Definitely no regrets other than we should have done it sooner.

Realistically, staying close to current friends is difficult. They move on because they won’t see him every day. A decent prep will have loads of after school clubs. If this new school is to be supported by you, you need to join in. Clubs are often the way forward. It might be better for him, it might not. My DD was happier at a prep where she loved art and dance. Plus there was quite a bit of prep. She didn’t keep any local friends at all. New friends took over!