Parents of boarders

[redlaces]

My son is potentially going to be boarding from Sept '19, Yr9 entry.

Any tips for a new boy and their parents (who'll really miss him)? Weekly boarding which is great. He should love it, lots of sport and activities - but it's a big change.

I went to a boarding school for a year. I used to call home twice a week to talk to my mom or dad. Distraction helped. I used to keep a diary whenever I was struggling. It allowed me to cope. Try it. After school clubs and activities were also useful. I loved it.

Post, even in this digital age boarders like to receive mail, particularly those containing food!
Follow your sons lead. Don’t insist he calls you at a set time each day, keep call brief, particularly in the early days, time on the phone to you is time not getting to know his new friends.
Put plenty of effort into making his dorm homely, plenty of pictures, posters, nice bedding, blanket (actually this seems more of a girl thing!)
Keep on top of the school calendar, get to concerts and fixtures when you can if you can’t send a txt to let you know you are thinking of them.
Keep in close contact with your housemaster and matron, they will be invaluable. If something goes wrong or your worried let them know asap, they are there to help.
Overall, remain positive throughout. You will wobble, but your child needs the confidence that comes from knowing their parents are confident in the school.

And on a practical level NAME EVERYTHING!

Mine took mattress protectors to make their beds nice and comfy.
Stay happy when you say goodbye and talk excitedly about about the stuff happening in school that week.
Can he board at prep school?
One of my dc took to it like a duck to water, the other found it harder at first but likes it now.
Good luck!

Agree, give yourself plenty of labelling time :)
How long will your journey time be? We have found that car journeys are great for getting them to talk (sometimes the lack of eye contact helps!!). Our eldest was weekly the first term she boarded (a bit younger); we found the journey home was the perfect length for hearing about everything that had happened in a week!

My mother has always tried to send letters to school (she's overseas), which I gather my two appreciate.

My youngest is in his first year and yes, we missed him more than he had time to miss us. Don't worry if you don't hear from him; OR, work out in advance how he will keep in touch and get him used to it ... I would think that as a weekly boarder he may not need to contact you at all as will be busy during the week and then seeing you anyway. Our son's first week we were looking at each other from about day 2, saying, well if we don't hear from him on Saturday then I guess we can contact the housemaster ...

Others find it harder to settle, I'm not certain how best to build them up to be ready for it. Is your son used to being away from you occasionally?

There are professional labelling services.

Has he no boarding available at prep? He’s probably only there for 4 nights effectively so it’s not a huge change. Just like a school trip really!

Weekly boarding can be difficult if they don’t like it and won’t go back every Monday or Sunday! Hopefully this won’t happen but some people prefer full boarding for immersion into boarding ethos. Make sure you really support him if he wobbles.

If you don’t like separation then work out how you will keep in touch and what school rules are about home contact. How and when mostly.

My DS2 boarded from yr 2 till yr 13 I always missed him terribly. Don’t be afraid to say “I’m going to miss you” and obviously say “I love you lots” but don’t cry it will worry him. When you drop him off don’t hang for ages even on the first, there’s often a tea/heads talk etc on the first day and then a time to say good bye this isnt the moment to smoother him in a half a million kisses, and repeatedly use his pet name especially in front of his new friends! I’m not saying do a formal hand shake but think how you would say good bye outside a school gate if he was a day pupil find a balance. My DS who’s always been very independent never wanted help making his bed or unpacking his suit case (although help packing at the end of term was always welcomed) other parents would unpack everything make the bed and start putting up pictures etc again try and judge how he feels and what other parents are doing. If he has any medical concerns e.g. regular inhaler for asthma and an escalation plan in the event of an exacerbation, a special diet or other significant issues don’t grab the matron (who usually overseas medical stuff) or whoever oversees this sort of thing and try and discuss it on the first day staff will be busy and will try and listen but will have other parents trying to get their attention. Don’t bombard him over the next few days with txts etc and also don’t endlessly call and then get upset if he doesn’t reply schools usually keep new boarders very busy especially in the first week, also some schools remove phones etc from younger pupils at certain times; often over night during prep etc. If you do want to speak to him ask him whens a good time perhaps get him to call you at a certain time don’t expect a 30 min call or great detail. Practicalities: boxes for clothes etc look great and are very Enid Brighton but a total pain in the arse if you have to lug them up three flights of stairs splash out on a large light weight very strong suitcase with good wheels that will last you the whole five years. A locking tuck box is essential (some school provide them you’ll get a list of things to bring) not just for tuck but also to lock precious and personal items in. Home made cakes biscuits etc are always welcome and will make him popular with his new friends. Two pairs of quality school shoes are also IMO essential boarders do a lot more walking than day pupils, it’s worth investing in good quality ones once feet have stopped growing, my DS wore Loakes as they’ll last a lot longer than cheap ones and are more comfortable a couple of packets of blister plasters are also a good idea. Don’t send too many home clothes he can always take more at a later date, a couple of pairs of trousers 3-4 t shirts/shirts and two fleeces/jumpers but lots of socks again don’t buy really expensive ones and put name tapes on everything. Things still get lost, one matron showed me how much lost/unclaimed clothes she had after 1/2 a ten mountains of it! Some had name tapes on and pupils still denied it was theirs. Our laundry was excellent but this isn’t the moment to send in cashmere jumpers etc or if you do make sure your DS knows not to send them to the school laundary. DS’s school provided strong net bags for socks and underwear we still use them it makes washing and finding easier. This also isn’t the moment to flop out your grandfathers Philipe Patek it’s going get lost or broken.
Don’t hassle your HM with trivia or expect a reply to an email in 20 mins most have some teaching responsibilities and if they’re taking their role seriously should be devoting the rest of the time to the boys in their care not answering emails about term dates and train times, boarding is not for helicopter parents
I used to worked at boarding schools we told homesick children and parents to give it two terms, some take to it like a duck to water others will take up to two terms to settle a small number never settle. If after two terms he’s still firmly hating it remove him in my experience sticking it out won’t work being miserable all the time isn’t good for him or the other boarders.
Finally contrary to what the anti boarding brigade say boarding won’t permanently damage your DS or the relationship he has with you. Only you can do that. My DS and I have always been very close, nearly 13 years of boarding down the road we remain very close in the nicest way, so many people comment on it. He’s now at university and I still miss him terribly just like the day he used to go back to school I feel this ache inside at the start of every term. He also contrary to what the anti boarding brigade believe has not turned into a sociopath unable to form relationships with others. He is an emotionally intelligent caring considerate you man, lots of people comment unsolicited on how great he is (bit of stealth boasting but why not) yes he he has lived in a bit of a bubble he’s seen and enjoyed courtesy of his school friend and other contacts extreme wealth and all the things it can bring you and no he’s not mixed with many from deprived background but he’s now at a RG university where due to its location the majority come from the state sector often deprived homes he is easy going and popular and non judgemental. He unlike many of his friend settled into university in about 2 mins he said many struggled to organise their work, were homesick and couldn’t shift for themselves he had none of these problems. He is a capable young man but we can’t take total credit for it boarding has also played a large part. Believe in your choice see it for what it is a positive life enhancing experience.

Should just have said discuss in advance any significant medical condition etc. If necesssary let the school health centre know as well.
Also expect your DS to be exhausted and pick up at least 1 nasty cold especially in the first term this is normal. I personally would pay for him to have the flu vaccination if he’s not eligible to have it for free.