Winchester College , Sherborne School or Radley College. Also suggestions for full boarding preps .

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My ds is currently at a boarding prep in the U.K. . We had hoped to apply to apply for Winchester College for senior school. The headmaster of our prep school is now advising us against this as he feels it is too academic for our son. He has suggested Sherbourne or Radley as better options. These schools do not seem to be in the same league as Winchester College we feel disappointed by this.

Our son is not overly happy at his current school .He feels that more attention is given to boys who live locally. He is correct in his observation and this is upsetting. We would therefore be happy to move to a full boarding prep where perhaps all boys would receive equal attention. We were led to believe that the vast majority of boys stayed over the weekend but found this was not the case.

Can any mums offer any advise?

Don’t discount the elements of financial jealousy and anti-elitism that come into play when you’re talking about boarding school. If it’s a working mum trying to pay the bills, all day care for a baby can’t be a target for criticism. Never mind that all the research consistently shows the younger the child is the more parental contact he needs and by age 6 the child’s key emotional attachments are more less fully formed for better or worse.

If you're thinking about Sherborne for Senior School - then perhaps you should consider Port Regis for prep. This is the route that my DS took - we were also dissuaded from Winchester by DS's tutor who felt that it was too academic for him. DS loved both Port Regis and Sherborne - both schools are full boarding and he was able to develop all his hobbies, sports and passions. He left Sherborne last summer and is an engaging, confident and interesting young man. I've no regrets with our choices whatsoever.

minsy5 don't worry I dont discount anything. Over the the years on MN I've read numerous anti boarding comments on here and Ive no doubt "that financial jealousy and anti elitism" underpins many comments .But I know about my DS's the sort of people they've become and strength of the relationship they have with me and my DH. Professionally and very sadly I see many very unhappy children who often have dysfunctional relationships with their parents (and the numbers are increasing all the time), the overwhelming majority are state educated in day schools but I don't then repeatedly come on here say that state education in day schools is bad for them.

patchworkpatty

Wow. Just wow. I hope my dc don't grow up to be like you. But then I have a strong relationship with my dc and they talk to me about their lives, and I can guide them as to how to respond to any difficult situations.
You obviously didn't have this kind of parenting and are now highly lacking in communication skills.

You must have gone to boarding school from an early age.

I would also say Port Regis...What about Clayesmore, I don't know the exit routes from the prep these days (Clayesmore Senior and other schools) or how many are day/full board..The prep we used for DS1 was a 'top' schools route but unfortunately closed a few years ago.

Unfortunately these threads always bring out the anti boarding posters...as Minsy says parents working long hours but using wrap around/clubs/activities/camps/tutors/nurseries for babies, toddlers etc are lauded as doing their best even though they probably see less of DC than those who board. The boards on here are full of parents struggling with their DC MH issues, vast majority are state school kids. MH issues affect large numbers of children and adults. I often wonder if in 20-30 years time there will be posts/research about the MH of DC presently in full time childcare.

Have you thought about Pilgrims School in Winchester. Over half go on to Winchester and it operates full boarding, to cope with the Double choir commitment. It also has non- choir boarders.
My son was very happy there and went on to Winchester with ease. It is sometimes easier attaining a goal as part of a large herd.
It might be worthwhile, if they have a place, having a look. It is extremely pretty and as it is so small, the boys are all known by the staff.

I’ll just add he left 10 years ago know 😊, but the reputation is still good.

Now not know 😞

Sorry, am very tired this evening....
When I say it operates full boarding, I mean it offers full boarding. There are day boys too. But there are a critical mass of full boarders because of the choirs.

Patchworkpatty please read this whole thread - aside from your posts and responses to you - and you can see examples of respectable “communication skills” as you call them. OP asks for advice, and receives advice. On the subject of schooling. No insults, no offence, no judging no shaming. Then read your original response which set all this ugliness off and tell me you really can’t see the difference. I’m sorry you feel compelled to judge, attack and shame - I have no idea what’s going on in your life but I promise you being a kind positive person will make you feel better than what you’re doing ok this thread.

Then I am sorry for you all. To even entertain the idea of boarding school for a 9 yr old - especially one guaranteed to keep you from having to parent you child a minimum of one and a half days a week, is so far over the line of ok behaviour, that I don't think you can even see the line.

Try this for size. I have a 9 yr old that I want to put into care. I don't mind seeing him every 6 -8 Weeks. Can you recommend a good children's home ? I have lots of money and don't mind paying for somewhere nice ?

Shall we all queue up with recommendations for the best social workers ???
Poor children.

And before you all start, three of mine boarded at Eastbourne. This is not anti boarding. It's anti boarding for small children.

Oh patchwork.

Why must everyone share your opinions?

Stop insulting people's choices now. If you have nothing to comment on the OP's question, then leave the thread.

The selection process is not a easy one for sure. I recommend looking at the website. It wil have all sorts of helpful information to help you make a decision. Have you visited the school or not? Also visit other local schools in the area. If you can- print out curriculum booklets and request a prospectus.
Read the inspection report on the school too.
Could you tell us a little bit more about your son? What are his strengths and weaknesses? Is he a social butterfly or not? Does he have learning disabilities or not? What were his reports like? Were they good or not?

I’m not sure if the OP is UK based we are my DS’s attend a boarding prep one of us or both of us were up the school usually three or four times a week attending various things matches etc we took then out for tea mid week and either home or out at the weekends, sometime they made alternative arrangement eg to spend the weekend at a friends house. We had many friends with similar aged children who left for work before their children got up and returned from work after they gone to bed, their children were being cared for by an au pair, I’m not knocking au pairs but they are unqualified usually young girls often with limited English. When I first looked round the school and I’d be the first to admit I was not keen in the concept of boarding I saw happy relaxed children with access to 50+ acres, trees to climb swings etc a swimming pool lots and of fun clubs and numerous qualified and dedicated staff taking the job of caring for them very seriously they are not juggling a job a commute house work tiredness and God knows what else and being with their children. At the end of the summer term my dS’s would return home for their 9 week holiday tanned and looking fantastic and relaxed computer/TV time was kept to a minimum and most evening were spent outside till 9 pm BBQs playing games making camps in the shrubberies or just chilling. Just being children. The sort of childhood many dream of for their children.
When I first looked round I commented on how happy and relaxed thechildren looked the heads wife said “what did you expect you’re in their home”.
Its so easy to let uniformed preconceptions influence our views but I’m basing my views on actual first hand experience both person and professional so a lot of experience over many years I’ve met lots who’ve boarded at prep and the vast majority are happy normal well adjusted children, I inevitably a small number aren’t but if you look into the situation it’s much more complicated than being sent off to boarding school prep.
IME amongst the wealthy acrimonious divorce is sadly very common has a significant impact on children especially young children as does over pushy parents ambitious who let their children know that anything they do id never never quite good enough. I

I find patchwork not only horribly judgmental but also stunningly hypocritical. She herself sent her kids to an 'expensive children's home' ... just a few years later! So she's fully bought into the concept - who the hell is she to judge the timing of it for a child she's never met?!!
I had the same experience as @happygardening 's children are having. I loved boarding. Boarded at 3 different stages with day in between. Loved it at 8/9 and at 15-18. Hated it at 11/12. Timing and school and type of child is everything. Hence being incredulous at a stranger who sent her children boarding having the audacity to be 'disgusted' at another mother sending hers only a few years earlier than she chose to.
Now I'm at the point of having to decide which route my boys take. Selfishly, I want to keep them with me. But I am so glad my parents weren't selfish and allowed me the childhood experiences I had. If I allow my boys to board later, far from dumping them, it will be a selfless act on my part, to allow them to have the best of both worlds as I had. I hated day school.! Thankfully these days there is flexi boarding in many schools, so they can try it out and see if they are made for boarding.

I don't have a problem with boarding. One of my dcs is a day pupil at a boarding school and is always delighted to.come home at the end of the day as there seems to be a lot of drama!

I would recommend that Op keeps an open mind to the possibility that Winchester might not be right for her son or her son right for Winchester. Clearly there's been a falling out of love with the current school and Head and it might be right to leave. However,mwhilst the current ahead could be wrong about DS's suitability for WC, op should bear in mind he might be right and that simply wanting it and being willing to move school won't be something that can change things if really he just isn't academic enough. None of us on here can say if he is or not. Heads aren't always right, but one of their jobs is to advise parents about future schools and that involves the often difficult task of delivering disappointing news about what is realistic. One ofbthebthings parents have paid for is that advice. Some parents aren't willing to hear it, although of course sometimes Heads are wrong.

I'd see the issue of leaving and finding another school as a separate issue to going to WC. CLearly thebrelationsipnwith currnt school has broken down and a new school needs to be found. This might lead onto WC, but it might learning another school and Op should remain open to that possibility. A new Head might say something different to the current one.....or exactly the same thing. Fair enough if Sherborne and Radley aren't your type of school, but it could be that their academic level is more suited to DS. We can't know that, so a question for Op is, is she very sure DS is Wichester level and how, and how open is she to other possibilities?

@patchworkpatty

To quote the Dalai Lama:

“If you try to subdue your selfish motives - anger, judgment and so forth - and develop more kindness and compassion for others, uktimately you yourself wi benefit.”

Let’s just hope the Dalai Lama didn’t send a child to boarding school! Or, er, boarding school is ok but only at 12 god forbid not at 11. Or which was it patchwork, 12 but not 10? Can’t recall - I know one age is great the other is the most vile abomination :).

patchwork

OP might live abroad or be military- I know loads of army families whose children board because it provides those kids with stability; the army even subsidise the fees sometimes.

Best not judge these things.

Ps- random link to patchwork my husband boarded at Eastbourne too and he loved it eventually although the bullying they all got in Year 7 was horrific and the teaching was shite. This was about thirty years ago though so I’m sure it’s much better now!

Not sure if that helps OP at all

This is the extent of my experience of boarding schools so I will slink away from this thread now ...

Try this for size. I have a 9 yr old that I want to put into care. I don't mind seeing him every 6 -8 Weeks.

I can never understand people who post trenchant opinions on things they know nothing about. Even when I was at boarding school (more than four decades ago) full boarders went home every two to three weeks.

And even more frequent goings home are compulsory now.

It's fine not to care for boarding. But a bit silly to make assumptions about people who do.

OP I would go back and question your son's headmaster as to why he doesn't think Winchester would be a good fit for your boy. I interpret his school suggestions as trying to gently lower your aspirations for your son. They are not bad schools at all, just different to Winchester. It does sound like you have your heart set on him going there, but in all honesty it may not be the right place for him and maybe you're just not able to see that right now. What is your plan B if he doesn't get in? Going to the "wrong" school could damage him for life and lead to all sorts of issues in the future. Trust me, my mother sent me to a major public school of her choosing without any regard as to whether it was the right place for me to go! Have you looked at Walhampton school in Hampshire?

OP, it's a crucial aspect of a prep school Head to help you discern the right senior school for your DC, and for this reason they are often glad/relieved when parents have no fixed destination in mind. The two alternatives your Head suggested are both fantastic 'first choice' schools, but perhaps just less quirkily intellectual. There are certainly lots of super- bright boys in each of them. Winchester isn't for everyone; if it were, there would be more schools like it. It's perhaps more like a collegiate university, with the houses running like colleges.
My advice would be to listen to your Head's steer and ask him what it is about Radley and Sherborne he thinks would suit your DS. For what its worth, knowing lots of families in each, I would recommend Sherborne at present as on top of its game. I thinks it's the kinder of the two. It's also a beautiful spot, has terrific links with the Girls's school and gives boys a healthy amount of freedom in a benign and safe little town. And the Head is outstanding.
In terms of your satisfaction with your DS's current school, are you sure your perception hasn't been shaped by disliking the advice re Winchester? You might argue that giving you honest advice even if he knows it's not what you wanted to hear is admirable, as is not setting your DS up to be unhappy. There's also the question of disrupting your DS and expecting him to start again with new school mates and teachers. I'm not saying 'Don't do it', but please don't do it unless you are sure.

Then if you really do want to move, do some research about which preps send most boys to your chosen senior school. That way, you can at least support your son by giving him the largest potential friendship group to move up with. I'd echo previous post about Port Regis, which sends lots of boys to Sherborne. Cothill is a brilliant, happy and kind prep and genuinely full boarding. It's a major feeder for Radley with increasing numbers to Sherborne. And you might look at Horris Hill, about which nobody has a bad word. They seem to manage combining full, flexi and day and are very small, so all boys will be well known to staff. They have v strong links to Winchester so you could test the question with them and triangulate the advice already given by your present Head.

These decisions are so hard, OP. Good luck with them.