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Original poster

What would you do - expat school moves

29 replies

Stpancras · 23/01/2019 14:30

Ok here goes.

We’re long term expats, gradually coming to accept that we’re likely to be where we are until the end of our children’s education.

Unlike lots of expats here, we don’t currently have any employer contribution to schooling.

We moved our 8 and 4 year old to a ‘new’ school last September as we were unhappy with the previous school for many reasons.

8 year old is thriving at the new school. LOVES IT. He was very upset and anxious about the move so this has been wonderful. 4 year old is very mixed about it and tbh I don’t think the foundation stage is that great overall.

All of a sudden, my husband’s employer has offered us a significant contribution to education, but only if we move the kids to a school owned by the firm. The financial difference is very significant (equates to about 50k gbp over three years).

BUT! Eldest boy is so so happy and I am utterly torn about this. He has made a very solid friendship group, very quickly. Unlike the last school, he has 100% attendance in in his first term and desparately tries to avoid sick days (an indication of how much he loves it, I think).

Wwyd?

OP posts:
ksb76 · 23/01/2019 15:08

I think that you have got a few longer term things to think through... Although you think you may be in this location for the next 14 years, is your husband going to stay with the same company for the entire stay? If he changed company, could / would your children remain at the 'firm' school? If yes, are the company willing to pay for one child and not the other or is it all or nothing? Is the 'firm' sponsored school really better than the current school. If your little one is not getting a lot out of current school but older one is, what about moving little? I know having two at two schools is a pain, but it would give you an accurate impression of the 'firm' school from the inside, and you could then decide if it is so significantly better, when / if you might move your older child. My two have moved a lot (with associated country moves) so it can be done, but it may still be worth holding off with the older one for a couple more years until a more natural break point, like beginning of secondary if you have the choice.

Original poster
Stpancras · 23/01/2019 15:28

Thanks for your input!

A few details that might help. Husband’s job is very niche, he’s been there for 10 years and still like it, unlikely to leave unless made redundant and I don’t want to ‘plan’ for that.

They could definitely stay on at the firm’s school if he did change jobs, however, but we’d then have to pay full whack (at current income levels this is affordable and cheaper than the school they are in now).

One salient point I failed to mention - this offer is for 100 employee families on a first come first served basis. If we don’t take it, places will eventually go.

Alas it’s just too far to separate them, we both work full time so logistics an issue.

As to being better or not. Current school is a ‘branch’ of a UK prep school but very new and has not yet been inspected by our OFsTED equivalent. They will be aiming high, however.

New school is a more ‘normal’ feel and has been on a steady upward trajectory in the ratings. Past four years at Very Good, just hired a new head who has previously led two amazing schools to outstanding. Facilities have just had about 4million gbp spent in them for new sixth form and sports facilities. Much more mixed demographically, current school more British (not that that matters to me in anyway apart from levels of EAL).

OP posts:
Original poster
Stpancras · 23/01/2019 15:30

I really wanted to hate the new school when we saw it but I came away having loved it (and riddled with anxiety about the decision ahead!)

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Jellycat1 · 24/01/2019 08:27

Is there no negotiation with the company some contribution to the current achool's fees? Do you know any other parents at the company school?

Jellycat1 · 24/01/2019 08:29

Also how long do you think you'll be staying where you are and if you leave will you be going to the UK?

Original poster
Stpancras · 24/01/2019 08:46

Thanks for replying.

They won’t contribute to a school they don’t own, no.

We will be here for a minimum three more years, but quite possible til our kids are grown and have flown the nest. Return would be to the UK if that happened (both are British Curriculum schools)

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FamilyOfAliens · 24/01/2019 08:51

I wouldn’t move a child who you worried would settle but who is now happy. Suppose he hates the new school? An unhappy child won’t learn.

I wouldn’t worry too much about foundation stage if the younger one is getting enough enrichment at home.

Original poster
Stpancras · 24/01/2019 08:59

I think he will settle, he’s a sociable and confident kid. But he’ll also hate leaving his friends, it’s the leaving not the eventual settling that worries me. I can save that extra money for university ... massive help, surely

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ksb76 · 25/01/2019 02:25

I would say that if you like the new school, and feel that both kids would benefit in the long term from the move that you go ahead. While he may not enjoy leaving the current school, you are not leaving the expat location and so can at least placate him by offering to catch up with old friends. This is not available to most expat kids moving school, who have to make do with catching up via social media, WhatsApp etc. and they all survive. We have definitely found that if you present the decision to him in a positive manner, the children will follow your lead.

Jellycat1 · 25/01/2019 09:00

Yes I agree with @ksb76 We are expats at the moment too and whilst another school move is not ideal, it sounds like a good school and as an expat community, presumably there's a lot of coming and going anyway. In our school they mix up the classes regularly to try to build resilience given that side of expat life.

Original poster
Stpancras · 25/01/2019 09:28

Thank’s all, it’s such a meaningful amount of money that I think we have to go for it, deep down I know that a month in all will be well BUT it is still heartbreaking to do it to him again (youngest I think will be fine much quicker). Yikes. Parenting is not for the feint hearted!!!

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Original poster
Stpancras · 25/01/2019 09:29

And to be honest, if it was a disaster we could move them back. Short term disruption but still...

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BeatNickBeamer · 25/01/2019 09:31

I wouldn't move the elder child personally. As an ex-expat I definitely think the international schools vary massively in quality so if you have one that's working hold on to it. If the younger child isn't settled and the school isn't great for his age group I'd consider trying him in this other school.

Original poster
Stpancras · 25/01/2019 09:32

Can’t separate them - we both work, logistics etc - also little one adores his brother and would hate to be at a different school. I just can’t get past the fact that in three years we could save so much towards uni for them.

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BeatNickBeamer · 25/01/2019 09:32

I get that it's a huge amount of money - I was in your situation and had to pay eye watering amounts for international schools while almost everyone else had 100% paid by their company. I felt it was the price we had to pay for choosing the expat life though - we've chosen to live abroad and we have to do our best to make it positive for the DC.

brookshelley · 25/01/2019 09:34

Agree with BeatNickBeamer, I would move the younger one and keep the older one where they are settled. That way you partially benefit from the financial support towards fees and also can compare both schools from the inside. You could move them into the same school down the line or decide it's best to keep them at different ones.

Original poster
Stpancras · 25/01/2019 09:38

Thanks for your thoughts. Such a confusing decision. We’re go to take them to a family event at the (new) school next week and get a sense of what it feels like to them. It’s adjacent to their Dad’s office which is one aspect I know they’d both love. I do appreciate all your thoughts.

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Original poster
Stpancras · 25/01/2019 09:42

I can’t move one, due to work logistics. It absolutely won’t work.

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elQuintoConyo · 25/01/2019 09:51

Don't move them.

Changing schools as a child is shit (speaking from a LOT of experience).

Cross the paying-for-university bridge when you come to it.

I went to many primary schools (4) and I was happy and settled in one. It took so long to get used to new people, new layout, new rules, new teachers, new friends. Truly shit.

Think if your DC happiness now, not in 10 years when they find they need a student loan and to work part time through university.

Original poster
Stpancras · 25/01/2019 10:03

Sorry that happened to you, I totally get that it’s a huge deal. Thanks

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TheBhagwan · 25/01/2019 10:14

I’m so curious — what kind of firm owns its own school? I’ve never heard of that. But this is our first time as expats so perhaps it’s a common thing...?

You are in a tough position OP. There are two major variables that only you can really know. First is your older child — realistically how hard do you expect this to be on him? For some kids it would be completely fine. For would be a bit of a rough patch but all fine within a month or two. And for some kids it would be very difficult for a very long time and possibly even have long term effects. If your child is in the first two categories I wouldn’t worry about it but if he’s in the third I would think very carefully before moving him.

The second variable is your finances. For many families £50K over three years would be life changing. Some families wouldn’t even notice. You probably fall somewhere in the middle, so you have to weigh up the finances to see if it’s worth it. For us £50K over three years would be lovely but not necessarily immediately noticeable, IYSWIM.

We are American so we have been saving for university since our kids were born, which along with family contributions should be enough to mostly fund university for them. We are on an expat package now so we’ve been saving all of the money we don’t spend on housing to put toward a new home when we move back. An extra £50K would be nice but not make a major difference to our purchasing power. Our kids probably fall in the middle category in terms of changing schools so it would be a tough call. Only you can really know which school seems better and what’s best for your child. But if you think a move will be really destabilizing for your older child and you aren’t desperate for the money you should consider keeping them where they are. Remember you were perfectly fine with your income before you knew about this extra savings. Also remember that removing an expense is not the same as getting the money directly. It’s amazinh how easy it is to spend what you’ve got, even if you’re trying to be careful. You could easily get into the mindset of “well we have that extra 50K so why not get takeaway a bit more often,” or sign the kids up for music lessons, go on nicer/longer holidays, treat yourself to clothes or makeup, upgrade Christmas a bit, etc. It all adds up so unless you are super disciplined you’re not likely to end up with a full extra £50K.

It’s a tough decision but I think you will make the right one for your family.

brookshelley · 25/01/2019 10:28

TheBhagwan I’m an expat in Asia and there are a few owned by private equity firms.

Original poster
Stpancras · 25/01/2019 10:30

Thanks. All amazingly well thought out points. I do think he’d be fine and for us the money is very meaningful!

It’s actually a very wealthy private family firm and they own not one but two schools and a university!

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Original poster
Stpancras · 25/01/2019 10:40

I suppose the thing is every year that passes makes it all the more likely that we will stay for the duration of their education - so potentially an awful lot more money.

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Autumn101 · 25/01/2019 10:51

I think you need to let your elder DC visit the school and ask him his opinion. He may go and look and like it which could alleviate some worry?

However it’s hard on kids to change schools a lot, getting along with other children from different cultures and backgrounds so if he is really happy I’d be reluctant to move unless it’s purely in his best interests (not just financial). Having a happy child loving school and learning is priceless