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Original poster

Moving from state primary to private/prep primary - anyone done this?

28 replies

Mijkl · 03/10/2018 11:05

We are just starting to look seriously into moving our child from state to private primary school. The private schools all seem to want 1) a reference from the current school and 2) for him to attend a taster day on a normal school day, which would necessitate missing a day at his current school. This is fine with us, but I am wondering how his current school will react to it. After all, he might not even get in and then he will have to continue at this school. What are your experiences - have state schools been supportive of a decision to apply for private, or not?

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Original poster
Mijkl · 03/10/2018 11:07

And how did you approach it with them - via the class teacher? I'm worried they may take it as some kind of criticism of their teaching or the school.

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chickenmayhem · 03/10/2018 21:20

We've just done this. It wasn't a problem and we still have another child at the original state school. We were just open about it really.

I guess it depends why you're considering a move. I think it's probably less insulting to move from state to independent than from one state school to another.

For us it was that our daughter had been diagnosed with dyslexia, we didn't want her to go through SATs or to move onto the local secondary school ( who are renowned for off rolling kids!) We wanted a more balanced, holistic curriculum for her where she would have the opportunity to build on her strengths in spot and music. The facilities and class sizes were a big draw and the school is well known for being highly supportive of children with dyslexia. We explained all of that to the original state school and they were very supportive of our decision.

I think most state teachers are fully aware of the limitations of the current state system and fully understand why parents might move into the independent sector if they can!

WeeSausage · 03/10/2018 21:27

I did this last year. I think I just told the state school he wouldn't be in that day. I didn't tell them the details until it was all settled.

WeeSausage · 03/10/2018 21:28

We didn't need a reference though, the prep school did an academic test and an interview.

Miladymilord · 03/10/2018 21:29

I did this
I lied and said she was ill, she was old enough to play along

Jdeah · 03/10/2018 21:39

We did it and all fine. Even if he doesn’t move the school won’t hold it against you down the line. Despite lots of offers, reference requests and taster days my son’s school was actually surprised when we moved him.

Observatorycrest · 03/10/2018 21:43

Schools are fine with this kind of thing. We had a slightly different situation as we had my DS doing his entrance exams for secondary schools when still at his primary school and needed days off school for taster days and exam days. As long as they were advised they just authorised the absence. I wouldn’t get bogged down with what they might think.

brisklady · 03/10/2018 22:48

IME you will get way more respect from the current school if you're honest about it. And there shouldn't be any problem with them authorising the day off. And if your child ends up staying, that's not a problem either. State schools (unlike independents!) don't generally get huffy about people moving. It happens. Plus, it's not a good life lesson to your child to be deceitful about it.

FullOfJellyBeans · 04/10/2018 09:45

How selective are the preps? My DC's is non-selective but still ask for a taster day and reference (while they're not selective they couldn't cope with extremely high levels of need or extremely bad behaviour so most people could be confident of being accepted if a place were available).

I would probably just be honest to be fair - say you're considering alternative schools and DC is attending a taster day. Much better than DC letting slip by accident. If you don't get in you can always say you decided to stay put if you feel more comfortable that way.

Original poster
Mijkl · 04/10/2018 15:28

Thanks for the replies! It's good to know that schools generally won't take it the wrong way. We have gone with simply telling the truth. We are moving firstly because we think he will do much better in a smaller class and secondly because we want him to eventually sit for entrance exams/ 11+ - our current school cannot offer preparation and has no history of getting children into those schools.
Fullofjellybeans most the schools we have spoken to so far seem to be like yours. There are others that have a more formal/rigorous selection process, but at first glance all seem to have good outcomes in terms of where the children go next.

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Original poster
Mijkl · 04/10/2018 18:09

Further question - how did your child/ren cope emotionally and socially with moving schools? My child doesn't know anyone else who is moving schools at this age (6/7), and the two schools are enormously different in every way. I worry that it will be a huge upheaval for him.

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Jdeah · 04/10/2018 18:34

Absolutely fine. I moved twice before 7 (so by 7 was on my third school) and each time felt happier. My son was tired but he’s so much happier at the new school. We’ve tried to keep in touch with his best friend at previous school but he hasn’t missed old friends much at all! Too many exciting new friends...

WeeSausage · 04/10/2018 19:33

It's taken a year for him to settle in. It really depends on the child.

LusaCole · 04/10/2018 19:36

My DS moved age 8. He found the first week stressful and very tiring but after that settled in really quickly.

VillageCats · 04/10/2018 20:04

Lots of kids in the independent sector move at that age as the 7+ is a common entry point. Our DS moved from his preprep into an unrelated prep with no problems. As far the reference goes they aren't expecting much if anything from a state school reference. We had one that went from state to independent and because of the big class sizes they really could t give a meaningful reference beyond "child is not a pain in the bum and is achieving as expected". I would be honest and tell the school where your child is going on the taster day.

Original poster
Mijkl · 04/10/2018 21:47

Thanks, it's reassuring that he would not be the only new one. I think it will be better for him long-term but when I mentioned the taster day to him he burst into tears... now I feel awful! :( Think I need to sell the excitement of it all to him a bit more.

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Mumtofourandnomore · 05/10/2018 15:19

My son, 7, has just moved from state to independent and it has been a really positive experience. He does have to work harder and despite it being non-selective, the pace of work is quicker, but there are so many extras within the curriculum that there is plenty of fun to be had too (for example, my son does cookery, pottery, forest school, swimming and three languages on a weekly basis). I naively thought the taster day was to make sure we liked the school, rather than vice versa, but we were honest with our primary school (and I still have a ten year old daughter there) - there was never a problem. Children never like the fear of the unknown, but once they get into the swing of it it becomes the norm. Good luck xx

GrasswillbeGreener · 05/10/2018 15:26

I have to grin Mumtofour at your comment about the taster day. When we were looking around senior schools (at age 9-10 in advance of 13+ entry), it hadn't crossed my mind that they were assessing our son. One school later referred back to his apparent "disinterest" when we were trying to work out what was the right place for him. But it wasn't disinterest, just his "I'm looking and listening and don't need to talk" manner at the time ...

Original poster
Mijkl · 05/10/2018 16:19

Yes, I'm also worried that he won't come over well to them because he's not enthusiastic about changing school. But he is only six, surely it's normal to be nervous about leaving all your friends and familiar environment. One of the reasons we want a different school is to build his confidence ,after all.

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Original poster
Mijkl · 05/10/2018 16:21

Thanks, though, it's reassuring to hear your experiences! :)

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VillageCats · 05/10/2018 17:31

I'd put it to him differently. When we went through this with DS who was also 6 we just told him he was going to get to visit another really fun school and meet some new friends. We never mentioned moving school until he was offered a place. If he won't separate from you it will most likely be a problem. If he's a bit shy they might ask him back for a second "taster day". DS was asked to do some 1:1 maths and English testing with a teacher in the back of the room and also engage in a group lesson. Then they observed how he interacted socially during break. It depends on how selective the school is and what they're willing to take. If it's a school that normally has a formal 7+ they will be far pickier than a nonselective prep.

April2018mom · 05/10/2018 19:03

Be honest with them. Give notice well in advance. Be careful when answering questions. How old is he now?

Mumtofourandnomore · 05/10/2018 19:11

Grass, I didn’t realise ds was being assessed until I picked him up - the penny should’ve dropped much earlier !! I kept asking them for the contract and the process for accepting the place and they kept telling me ‘after his taster day’ even though I had been to visit the school twice and was sure it was the right choice ! When I picked him up they complimented him on his behaviour and said they’d love to have him.... phew......

I asked ds later if he’d found any friends to play with at lunchtime and his exact words were ‘I made so many friends mummy, I taught the whole school how to do armpit farts.....Grin’. Fortunately the teachers must have been having their lunch Blush

Ta1kinpeace · 06/10/2018 13:09

Round here kids commonly swap between the sectors
its a non issue

ShalomJackie · 06/10/2018 14:46

I suspect when he gets to the taster day he will enjoy they have to offer and be more enthusiastic. My son was! He then counted down the days until he could move.

Children are very adaptable and soon make friends especially at that age.