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Original poster

If you chose independent over grammar....

22 replies

CarlaSun · 02/10/2018 10:11

What swayed your decision, to choose your particular school?

With 11+ results looming, the time to make the decision re schools is approaching. We are currently immersed in the overwhelming process of attending a plethora of school open days.

OP posts:
Glaciferous · 02/10/2018 12:04

For us:

Better academic opportunities (esp for foreign languages)
No uniform (important to me)
Better pastoral care (based partly on how the schools interacted with DD during the exam process)
Better extra-curricular offerings, particularly for music
DD's preference

BubblesBuddy · 02/10/2018 12:47

We chose independent over grammar for DD. She got a phenomenal score but we were fed up with the local children (cliques of parents from an early age) and we couldn’t see her continuing to be with them and their pushy parents at the grammar school.

We found an independent boarding school that gave her opportunities to be herself. The School was 1/3 the size of the grammar and they knew her well. She was able to participate in everything she wanted to. 90 girls tried out for the netball teams at the grammar so loads didn’t get in. My DD wasn’t sporty but was never denied opportunities. She thrived with the “can do” atmosphere. She adored boarding. It was a second home. It gave her confidence to believe in her abilities and friends for life. She’s on holiday with three of them right now.

The results were similar. My neighbour sent her grammar girls to a private school where the results were inferior to the grammar. I’m not sure I would have done that, but again the school was smaller and more personal. If the independent has clubs, activities, excellent sport, art, drama or whatever you value, then go for it. If it’s a cut price school for those who are not Grammar material, I would think twice.

sandybayley · 02/10/2018 12:56

For us it was (in no particular order)...

  • ease of journey
  • breadth of opportunities (sport and music in particular as DD is good at both)
  • breadth of education (academic excellence and educating the whole child, GS felt like it was just about stellar exam results)
  • atmosphere of the school (hard to describe but indie felt much more alive)
  • scholarship of 30%

Whilst the scholarship was great I don't think that swayed it for us. We could afford the fees without making great sacrifices. I think if we would have had to stop taking holidays or replacing the car we would have decided differently.

RockyCove · 02/10/2018 12:58

We are going to do this with our child - live in GS area, but don't think GS is for my child

Reasons are:

Size - the GS is enormous/class size (not sure my child would thrive)
Lack of pastoral care
Being at the will of government policy
My child likes some of the subjects which are likely to suffer most in the event of a funding cut

RockyCove · 02/10/2018 13:00

I second the above comment about breadth of education and not being just about results as well

Original poster
CarlaSun · 02/10/2018 15:31

Thanks for the responses. Some points raised echo my/ DC's priorities, so will be really helpful for making comparisons.

OP posts:
brisklady · 02/10/2018 21:46

We are (results-dependent) about to be facing the same decision, and agonising about it. If we choose indie, the main reasons will be:

  • co-ed (all the grammars are single sex)
  • breadth of sport (more because our son isn't very sporty than because he is - opportunities at the independent for non-contact niche sports, while grammars have a big rugby focus)
  • more holistic education, less of an exam factory (though still brilliant results)
  • funding/gov cuts - I'm deeply worried about the future of state schools, levels of teacher stress etc
  • subject choice, esp languages, Latin etc
  • easier journey to school
  • class sizes and consistent quality of teaching (obv great teachers in grammars too, but more gaps, harder to recruit etc)

If we don't go for independent, it will be mainly because of money - both concern about fee increases, what if we lose jobs, what if the govt puts VAT on fees - and also keeping up with the Joneses, will DS feel like the poor relation. And finally a more nebulous concern about distancing ourselves from those around us (or at least being perceived to have done so).

Hoppinggreen · 02/10/2018 22:17

Distance, class sizes and facilities
Dd was offered a place at the closest Grammar but it’s 20-40 minutes drive away ( depending on traffic) and we can virtually see the Private school grounds from the end of our road.
The Grammar school is quite big too with very old buildings and as no pupils get the pupil premium it’s rather underfunded
Very happy with our decision and despite the fact that her School is non selective the GCSE results are very similar to The Grammar

Hoppinggreen · 02/10/2018 22:18

Also, we felt that her younger brother would be unlikely to get a Grammar place and I wanted them at the same school

Hoppinggreen · 02/10/2018 22:21

brisk I suppose it depends on your school and area but we have never felt the need to keep up with the Joneses at DD’s School and we still feel part of the wider community.

brisklady · 02/10/2018 22:42

Thanks hopping, and I hope that would be the same in our case. DS would just need to understand that he couldn't go on all the fancy school trips (though to be honest there are loads of fancy trips at the grammars as well), and that we're never going to drive a Range Rover or host big parties. Re the community thing, I just don't know. The people who live locally that I don't see are the ones whose kids are at preps - not because they're too 'stuck up' or whatever, but just because there's such a community around the kids' primary that they're obviously not part of. I guess that changes a bit at secondary anyway, because children go off to different schools. But if we do go down the independent route, then DS will be nearly the only one of all the people we know well who does, and I do worry whether that will have an impact.

Greenleave · 02/10/2018 22:55

I visited SPSG yesterday and wasnt blown away with the facility at all. The admin lady was very cold. Oh dear!

Glaciferous · 02/10/2018 22:59

If you visit somewhere and don't like it, it's probably not for you! I felt the same about some schools I looked round last year.

Glaciferous · 02/10/2018 23:03

@brisklady, does your child currently have real friends in his school that he would always want to know? It's early doors for us, but DD has kept in touch with her primary friends very well so far. They are all on WhatsApp and texting each other and they have met up in our local park at the weekends quite a bit. They have hatched a plan to meet up on Fridays at the local youth club. I honestly think this kind of thing is what you make of it. If they want to keep in touch, they will. It's easier than ever before with email and texting etc.

Greenleave · 02/10/2018 23:14

@Graciferous: I didnt plan to visit but there was a music related event and the school sent us an invitation and I decided to drop by with her. Probably a mistake, I should have sticked to my rule that no school visit, she said it looks like a museum and feels cold.

Greenleave · 02/10/2018 23:17

Reread my post, I meant SPGS instead.

Glaciferous · 02/10/2018 23:22

It probably doesn't matter if you plan to visit or not! If you don't like it, cross it off your list - I think you'd be making a mistake, especially with your daughter's music interests, but I don't know her and you do! DD has found it warm and friendly. But everyone is different and what suits one person is not good for another. This is why I said on the other thread that you need to visit everywhere you are interested in.

I can't think why on earth you don't want to visit schools. This sounds honestly barking to me.

Cobrider · 02/10/2018 23:29

Pastoral care swung it for us, my other two stayed in the state sector but this one needed something different.

Hoppinggreen · 03/10/2018 08:06

brisk none of our friends dc are at Private School and it’s hinestly never been an issue
Also, dd has lots of friends from her Primary school ( even though she’s in y9 now) that she keeps in touch with and she still sees some of them occasionally
You will have to deal with the fact that your child’s friends might be a bit spread out as Private schools don’t have a catchment but we find that as we are so close to the school everyone ends up here while waiting for parents to pick up or after events, which is lovely. Also we live on quite a “nice” estate and there are quite a few kids from here at the Private school so dd has people she can walk to school with etc.
At Secondary they tend to just sort themselves out and you just have to give lifts and hand over money!
I think that another thing that helps is that we are in The North and the School dd attends is not incredibly expensive so doesn’t attract the super rich oligarch and Banker types, most families are pretty normal

BubblesBuddy · 04/10/2018 20:26

My DDs were at school with some very rich people but we have very decent cars and holidays so never felt like poor relations. As it was boarding (and her closest friends were boarders, not day pupils) the just scraping by parents were not really known to us but as time went by, a few girls did have problems with feeling inferior I understand. You really have to know your child on this one. Are they likely to be phased by people richer than they are?

I think you have to tough out any negative comments. If friends and family don’t support you (some of ours thought we were mad) you have to remember that they are your children, not theirs. It’s your decision and if their politics and views don’t coincide with yours, it’s best if they keep quiet!

We also had a second DD who wasn’t going to go to the grammar school. By paying they had equal opportunities.

underneaththeash · 05/10/2018 09:22

We chose grammar over independent and it was the wrong choice.
Class sizes are too big, DS has a couple of children in his class who are badly behaved and the school seem unable to deal with disruptive behaviour. In a indie he would have just been asked leave.

Its underfunded, the equipment is poor and some of the teachers are really de-motivated. There's little individual attention a lot of the time workbooks are unmarked.

Curriculum is very narrow, there is no drama or DT provision at all.

Extra-curricular is limited and sporting oportuinites few, if you're not A team material (out of 180 children) you don't get to play in matches.

We're (hopefully) moving DS to an independent in Year 9, but I'm having to do all the exam prep myself and his prep would have done it all if we'd left him there.

Danglingmod · 06/10/2018 14:57

We chose non-selective independent over state grammar because of:

Better extra curriculars
Better pastoral care
Broader curriculum
Smaller class sizes, and lastly and most importantly:
Better SEN dept

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