ghastly staffroom unpleasantness

[Tovik]

Can any teachers out there help? I'm a reasonably supportive parent, usual stuff, class rep etc etc. Recently raised issue with son's Y6 class teacher about night-time security and supervision on school trip -- the first time I'd ever raised an issue with her about anything. Teacher hadn't done homework properly and had to go away and check a few things before responding. She really didn't like the fact that she'd neglected her preparation and been questioned, and has started a rather foul whispering campaign against me, with claims (lies, actually) of me being rabble rouser, rumour-mongerer etc etc. I know that staffrooms are places where parents are routinely and comprehensively called down but this is beyond anything I might have expected. Most of the teachers now don't speak to me. None of my teacher-parent-friends have supported me, and one has asked me to stop involving her in my "campaign" (hadn't done so..another rumour) I know I've done nothing wrong, but this particular class teacher seems to have really got the hump and I'm surprised at how quickly all the others have closed ranks. It all seems a bit crazy, malicious and out of perspective. Is there a way to end this, or does one just have to wait until the teachers find something else to talk about or someone else to target?

I think your attitide may have caused her reaction, namely

I know that staffrooms are places where parents are routinely and comprehensively called down no they are not!

Teacher hadn't done homework properly why not just give her credit for wanting to make sure she had all the information before speaking to you.

sorry my attempt at italics did not work!

Hi and thanks for reply -- I only picked up the staffroom bitchiness thing from friends and rellies who are in the profession, and have told me they can be awful places. Why else would this got so out of control? And no, she really was caught out. There was an information evening at which the issue was raised and she didn't have the information. Would love to set record straight with teachers but fear it would lead to even worse. The behaviour of a number of teachers so far is frankly unbelievable. So am seeking to keep head down and shut up for childrens' sake. Having quick attempt to self-examine and see if I have bad attitude ..but how could this have been detected before this issue came up?

I teach in a genrally non bitchy staffroom, we do have the odd bitch but it tends to be about one another.

Perhaps it is your posting style but you are coming across rather abrasive and with issues about teachers and the fcat that your friend does not want to become involved speaks volumes IMO.

yeah, maybe you're right. interesting to see the other side. but have always tried to be supportive of teachers as think their jobs vastly important.

plus don't really wish to involve anyone else and have never tried to speak for anyone else.. I still can't really see that i've done anything wrong so it must be just the tone of it that's irritated people

The fact that you are so involved in school shows that you are supportive of your sons education and teachers in general. Perhaps it is difficult helping out with your sons class perhaps you need to put your talents to use elsewhere in the school where it is not as personal.

It probably isn't all you, I know when I am stressed and overworked I sometimes read into people's comments things that are not meant. Maybe you need to try and talk to her and build bridges.

Like all professions I suppose we do close ranks and I can imagine this happening if a teacher feels agreived even if this is her innacurate perception of events.

I'm not sure why it has become personal at all. It was a specific issue, and the reaction was defensive to the point of hostility. I don't think the letter I wrote was hostile. Perhaps she felt patronised. I've never had a problem with a teacher before, in about 17 child-school-years (if you know what I mean) so I really do believe this is something unreasonable to do with her. Just don't know how to stop what's happening.

you must be v overworked to be up at this time..

yes talking would be a good thing, I generally like to get things on the table, but in this case it seems to make things worse. Diplomatic silence may be the only way ahead as my school-run efforts at friendly neutrality haven't been kindly met. The whole thing's got completely out of hand. It feels like ridiculous point-scoring, but what you've said makes me think she could imagine it's me that's trying to score points.

I am overworked but am up because I am not well, have some mystery virus that has left me covered in spots!

oh dear hope you get better before the weekend

I am hoping for a miraculous recovery tomorrow so I can go back to work before the week is up.

have begun bridge-building process due to sleeplessness over this issue..suspect it will be one-sided bridge but at least will have tried.. get well soon.. going to get hour's kip before children awake

This is actually a really nice thread.

I know how things can get out of control in schools, on both sides - I have seen teachers (I am one) become extremely upset at parents being unreasonably critical or rude & have also seen parents (I am one) who are honestly trying to do what they think is right be treated rather disrespectfully to their face and then in the staff-room at the end of the day.

Either way, I think both of you, Tovik & Twinset, have valid points and, rather than seeing this kick off like I thought it would after the first 2 or 3 posts, I was really impressed with how maturely (& perhaps un MN-like) this has been discussed.

OK, that sounds incredibly patronising but it was meant well - it is nice to see a grown-up discussion on MN. Thank you

And, Tovik, I think the fact that you are willing to see things from the teacher's perspective and want to biuld bridges shows how supportive you are trying to be. I hope it works out well.

Get better soon, twinset.

It was tovik rather than me I was actually quite grumpy but whilst under attack she remained calm and reflective.

thanks mamama and twinset appreciate the input from a teacher's viewpoint. trying to build bridges while convinced of one's self-righteousness is always hard ! so perhaps need to come down a peg or two. but if there's no positive response no doubt I'll be cross all over again. deep breaths all round -- cheers ladeez