Dd wants to be homeschooled

[Pie566]

My 13 year old daughter wants to be homeschooled. She is about to go into her 3rd year at secondary school and has talked about being homeschooled for a while. She keeps bugging me about it and I don’t know what to say. I don’t think we can afford to homeschool as it would mean me having to not work, although I’m only part time anyway. She has got a whole plan ready she has even come up with a solution to every problem I have thought of. What do I do?

Do you have to give up work?

She is 13, is she sensible enough to stay on home on her own for a few hours?
Are their Granparents of neighbours who could keep an eye on her?

There are not set hours for Home ed. So she doesn't have to do all her learning between 9am and 3.30pm. She could learn on evenings and weekends, if you are at work during the day.

She can self study with work you have left (or following the next page in the book, online programme, or course you might choose to use.) And then you can sort out the difficult bits when you are free?

I'm not saying it would be possible, but if she is 13, and you only work part time, it seems unlikely you wouldn't be able to do it if you thought it was right.

So many typos and autocorrects in that. Sorry. I hope you can get the gist of it.

Not meaning to sound rude but you are the adult if you want to stop work and home school her that's fine, but she is 13 and doesn't get to make those decisions for you. It's not a case of answering every problem you have tell her its not up for discussion so its not happening no matter how persuasive her arguments are.

I agree that it is doable as isittheholidaysyet said and there are plenty of resources and groups that can help if you want but also agree with HeadsDown that you are the parent who will be responsible for this so no matter your daughter's solutions and whether or not they're realistic, it is up to you whether you want to take home educating on.

Your daughter may already have an answer for this - but as someone who has home educated mine from the start with my oldest being about her age and about to be Year 9, the social side and activity level at that age is really hard and you'd need a solid plan for qualifications and their cost. While more UK home educated kids are pulled out rather than from the start from the information I've seen, there are far fewer teen groups than younger groups and she's right at the age where many home educating parents are making plans to send or return their kid to schools or other alternative settings for qualifications (which being done as private candidate can be very expensive if you do many of them as you're responsible for all the fees). My own entirely home educated kid is going to the local UTC for GCSEs and engineering from Year 10 entry.

I love home educating my kids - most days - and if it is what you want to do, there is support, but it is also a lot to take on and it's hard enough to get through the difficult days when it's something you actively chose. Also, as I said before, she may have all the solutions she think will work but just as home educating parents have to make sure our kids are being realistic when they talk about wanting to go to school (no it isn't just talking with your friends all day, no it isn't like whatever-show, no I'm not doing the paperwork and buying uniform and supplies for you to 'try it for a week', we can apply for that secondary but with the amount who apply there is less than 20% chance of getting a place [she did try but did not get a place]), many school educated kids - and some parents - have this idea and plans for home education that really don't hold water. I've seen it a few times and it becomes really difficult to find a way again after that image shatters. I hope you find what works for you and yours - or at least a way to get your teen to stop bugging you about it if you choose not to do so.

Why does she want to be home schooled? Is there something going wrong at school that she's trying to escape?

I'd be very reluctant to home school but especially a teenager - a) because I don't think I have the patience or the temperament to home school my children b) coming up to qualification time is not the time to experiment. You could end up spending a lot on topping up your teaching to make sure you've got the resources, online courses, etc.

This affects your life hugely too and from what you say it's all going on what she wants and needs and nothing you've said (apart from not being able to afford it if you have to give up work - whether leaving her to work on her own probably depends on how self-motivated she is and in turn, her reasons for not wanting to be at school any more).

How do you feel about it?
Theres an active home ed board on MN too/

My dd asked me for years before I took the plunge and took her out of school in february. Shes now doing online lessons and is so much happier, its improved life for the whole family

Join some local home schooling groups and ask for advice.
It may be that you can still work part time and home school. Often with home schooling the community will organise it so that parents will have the kids some of the time when other parents are at work etc... they also often organise group outings and classes. For example in my area a couple of the local schools open their gyms to home ed kids sometimes for them to do PE type stuff.
I think just look into it in depth before you make a decision.
If your daughter is serious about it I do think you ought to at least consider it.

I have always said to myself that if either of mine ever ask to be taken out of school I would immediately do it.
I had terrible anxiety problems as a child but my parents kept trying to keep me in school. Although I got high grades whilst there it seriously affected my attitude to education and I cannot be anywhere near to anything like that now. I never went to uni nor did any courses because of my deep aversion to anything educational.

I really dont want my children to hate education and get as far away from it as soon as they can. I want them to enjoy learning and be motivated to do it.
So if that involves home schooling them for a time I think I would seriously look into it.

Thanks for all of your advice, I think I’ll have a chat with her and ask why she wants to be homeschooled. But my answer is currently no, and I won’t let her change it

How would she avoid becoming socially isolated?

Even if she did Guides or some other activity, a once a week meeting with structured activities doesn't provide the same opportunity for interaction with people her own age as being at school. Or are friendship difficulties the reason why she wants to be homeschooled?

And then you can sort out the difficult bits when you are free?

Is op qualified to 'sort out the difficult bits' in all the subjects the dd will be studying? There's a reason why teachers at 2ndary level are subject specialists.

And then you can sort out the difficult bits when you are free?

Is op qualified to 'sort out the difficult bits' in all the subjects the dd will be studying? There's a reason why teachers at 2ndary level are subject specialists.

Home education is very different to school education.
Sorting the difficult bits may mean teaching the child herself or finding someone else who can do it (tutor? Online tutor? Friends who can explain it? Other HE parents?) Or finding another way to explain it (books? Textbooks? Videos?).

Home ed parents are more learning facilitators than teachers.

But this is why the OP needs to think long and hard about her daughter's request, and whether she should grant it. It might be easy in her situation, it might be more difficult. She needs to think all round the idea. But talking to home educators is an important part of that. School teachers often don't understand.

(Most of my friends who are teaching in secondary schools are often teaching subjects which are not their specialism. Don't assume your child is being taught by a specialist.)

I’m slightly concerned that you haven’t even asked her why she wants to be home schooled. Surely that’s the starting point?

Two of mine have said at various points that they'd like to be homeschooled.
They don't actually want it.
What they want is to get up late, mess about on the computer doing nothing all day and go to bed when they like.

What would actually happen is we'd spend the entire time arguing about them doing the above. Any work I got them to do would be done to minimum standard and sulkily. They certainly wouldn't do any subject that they weren't originally interested in.
So for one that would be maths and reading. The other that would be maths and history.
They might love it, but it would exceedingly bad for them, and I suspect would ruin our relationship.

Has she come up with a solution to the potential cost? Eveb if she "only" needs say, three hours of tutoring a week, that's £90. And the hourly fees increase as she goes to GCSE level, then again when/if she progresses to ALevel. She might bumble along ok for the next year on her own, but the actual cost could increase significantly once she gets to GCSE level.

Even if you didn't give up work, it's a big ask to leave a 13 year old in the house all day. That's before you look at the actual mental load of making sure she's learning, trying to arrange and maintain social contact (or stressing because she CBA with that), identifying what she needs more specialist help with, sourcing and dealing with tutors and negotiating the exam system. Whilst homeschooling groups would be massive help with those things, it's a lot to take on when you're anything other than fully on board. I'd be encouraging her to stay at until after GCSEs and then start looking at FE colleges etc who have an ethos where they encourage more self-guided study etc. for AS Level.

I think I’ll have a chat with her and ask why she wants to be homeschooled

You haven't done this already?!

I think it would be a very unusual 13 year old who, after 9 years of being at school, had ideological, philosophical or educational reasons for wanting to be homeschooled.

The likelihood is that a child that age who is used to school would only come up with as a solution to a negative (ie her current school experience). I would be very worried that she is being bullied, isolated, is struggling academically, socially or emotionally, has a need that isn't being addressed or is experiencing mental health problems.

Talking and listening to her is essential, regardless of what you intend the outcome to be!

My daughter changed schools at that age. While we were still deciding where she was going to go, I included homeschooling amongst the wide range of possible options we were willing to support if it meant finding the right one. (She found it interesting to talk through how it could work as she's assumed it wouldn't be appropriate; did a bit of research; then stuck to her guns and is on a bursary at a boarding school).

If it had been a real option, I'd have been happy for her to be doing some work at home on her own without me there, and spending some time in the local library independently, and that would have increased over time. So yes it shouldn't be necessary for your to give up work to make it work. My youngest is just 13 and equally, if we were looking at home educating it wouldn't be leaving him alone that would be an issue, more supervision and oversight of what he was covering.

It sounds like your daughter has a lot of clear ideas about what she wants to do. Why don't you sit down and talk through the whole thing in detail with her, from where the idea is coming from, how exactly it would work, what would happen at exam time, future plans, all the practical aspects. Then also explore other ways of achieving the things that she is looking for that are different to her current schooling.

Ultimately you are in charge, but it does sound like she is starting to be ready to be treated as a young adult and she may appreciate be taken seriously on this. Even though your answer may well have to be sorry, it is not a good option. You will be able to make your reasons clearer to her if so, too. Good luck!

Why does she want to be homeschooled? I recommend talking with her to determine what exactly is happening at school. It’s possible that she is being bullied for no reason.
That could be why. Just a thought.
If she persists get her to do her research beforehand. Do respect her decision irregardless. She is not a small child anymore. Remember that. Also I suggest meeting with the teacher as well. Have conversations about the whole thing.
Discuss schedules, future plans, logistics, exam results etc. Brainstorm ways to effectively deal with any issues. Is she seeing a therapist or not?
Look at all alternatives. Come up with a list of goals to achieve.
What are her school reports like?

I homeschool my twins (1) and step daughter (13) and I don’t regret pulling her out of school. She is generally doing much better now.

Socialisation is important however. We do a lot of outside activities for this reason.

Online programme is a choice for you if you have to homeschool your child. It's flexible on schedule and cheaper than mere home education. I've noticed there is a online programme which offers a two-week free trial for British and Chinese families. Perhaps you can have a look. Here is the address of its official website: www.grow-along.com