Am I over reacting regarding bullying my ds?

[frascati]

My ds is in year 4.

he had a horrendous time in year 3 with this child kicking him, pinching and generally making his life a misery.
My ds would come home with bruises all up his shins where he was dragged across the playground and kicked
Now I have been into the school and the mum was called on. The school kept saying that ds had to tell them but obviously he wouldn't. He would come home and cry to me.

Just before half term he flicked ink on 4 boys shirts and I went in because I was angry. Normally I wouldn't but this child is so full of spite I felt I had to. He also steals things out of children's trays, pencil cases and even trouser pockets (cards).
Ds came home and said he was scared as this boy may beat him up.

He has also called him various names such as gay, big head and other choice names. He told ds that he was the worse player in year at football.

Anyway today ds has come home and said this boy pushed him and then when ds got up he said "are you going to run to your mum". He then said his mum was either going to punch me in my face or his (ds wasn't sure)

Now am I wrong to want to sort this out?

I have spoken to the school and have a meeting on Thursday.

Dh thinks I should let ds get on with it but I know ds finds it hard.

Totally right to sort it out.

When you go to your meeting, have a written list of as many incidents as you can remember.

They have got to take bullying seriously. It will interfere with your ds' learning otherwise.

I am just worried that it will make things worse for ds iykwim

Totally agree with AG, you should ask to see the schools anti bullying policy, they should be able to sort it out sensibly and sensitively. Unfortunately a lot of schools do try to brush it under the carpet. Do not be fobbed off, it's completely unacceptable.

If the school handles it properly, it should not make it worse, ds's school dealt very sensitively with his problems with a bully and it got better. Good luck

I have a quiet and very sensitive dd in Year 3. She's been bullied by a couple of boys, but one in particular.

After I found out, I went into school and the headteacher had words with the boys and the bullying stopped that day.
The teachers are now aware of the potential problem, and my dd is much happier at school. The mum of one boy actually came up to us and apologised for the bullying.

I won't say it will never happen again, but I was very pleased to see the school act so quickly on this.

If you don't sort it out, what happens if one day your ds retaliates and really hurts this boy?

rantinghousewife ~ how did things change with your ds?

Frascati I would also say that I think that your ds needs to see that you are sorting this out with the school for him. Don't get me wrong I am sure that he knows that you are on his side/would do anything for him etc however I do feel that our children need to see us being assertive and dealing with situations and standing up to bullies (buth through the right channels). Schools need to sort these bullies out and I would keep on to them until they do.

The head took the boys concerned in and spoke to them about responsibility but in a way they could understand, think he might have spoken to the parents and they made the boys apologise to ds.
He started having problems again two years later and the school did the same again and, again it worked and now he is actually quite friendly with 2 of them. As they get older they have a social responsibility contract which they have to adhere to aswell. I should stress that ds's school wasn't the top performing school in our area but am glad I sent him there, because the other school denies that they have any bullying and apparently will not do anything about it.

I would request a copy of their anti bullying charter before you go to the meeting, that way you can arm yourself with possible solutions and also prevent them brushing you off.

Make a list of things you can recall your ds telling you and keep it with you at the meeting. Be clear and try and stay calm (very hard when you are upset for your ds).
Be clear in your mind what you want the school to help with, ask how they will help and what they will acheive and how they will handle the bullying.

Get them to acknowledge there is a problem that needs to be stopped from getting any worse and tell the school you will support them to achieve this.

Good luck and I hope your ds will have happier days at school soon.

agree with rantinghousewife re the bullying charter but as she also says things can repeat in future years, i am going to ensure my ds's learn some form of martial arts as i want them to be able to defend themselves but there will always be a bigger child out there and i believe this is the best way to deal with bigger bullies.

Are there any other schools in the area ds could possibly move to? It sounds like he needs a fresh start to me.

sp ~ thing is ds does have some lovely friends so would be inclined to move him tbh.

We are looking into some kind of martial art to build up his confidence.

my ds has been bullied on and off and he's been going to karate for the last two years. i think it has helped his confidence.

Karate, judo or similar is a great idea for building confidence.

Update

School spoke to child and he admitted everything. Mum didn't say those things.

Child put arm round mine and said sorry. He also came up to me and said sorry mrs frascati I won't do it again. We are friends now and did seem genuinely sorry.

I just said to him that it wasn't nice and that they should all just get on.

Deputy head will ring and properly fill me in tomorrow.

Feel relieved that it's been addressed.

Only got this from ds (as he was in room as well) so not sure if I have full story iykwim.

That's good, although it seems a bit wishy washy, ime it does work when the schools make the children take responsibility for their actions. Hope it's sorted now.

Glad you seem to have got it sorted.

Good news.

Have to say call with DH really pissed me off today.

She was going on about how proud they were of this boy for admitting it and apologising. She also said bless him and that I had to remember they were only children. I said to her funny that as so is ds and doesn't need to be bullied.

Rang his mum and will keep an eye but seemed like he was the victim and not ds if you know what I mean.

Feel a bit annoyed tbh

On a positive note ds starts karate in 2 weeks. So am looking forward to that.