Reshuffle of classes, child distressed, parents rights?

[ProudMummyofbg]

My child's school has decided to reshuffle the classes and he is been separated from his best friend. He is absolutely distressed about it and so we are; but school says he is fine and doesn't show any anxiety at school. My son is diagnosed with high functioning autism and he is emotionally very unstable.
We spoke to school about it and explained that his only social link has been taken away from him. We requested to join them together as the other child's parents are also willing to do so. But school is dismissing our points.
I was wondering what our rights are as parents in this regard.
Thank you for your advice.

From another perspective, ds was separated from his best friend who is autistic this year as the school recognised that his friend coped massively better with ds around him and they needed him to be showing his full needs in the year before high school when they wouldn't be together all the time. They still spend time together at breaks

Is he becoming too reliant on the other child?

How old his he? I'm tempted to agree with pp, it could be that he is becoming too relient on the other child which isn't really benefitting either of them. They can still see each other at breaks and out of school.

It may well be the other child’s parents have requested a split. It is really tricky but I have seen this happen and the school takes the blame.
Unfortunately your child will have to adapt at some point and they should see the other child in the playground.

We had a similar situation when my DS was in infants school. He has autism. They separated him and his best friend as DS had become too reliant on his friend. He couldn't cope if his friend was off sick for example. They both got on really well but it was doing DS no favours in the end. Years down the line he is still great friends with the other boy but he also learned to play with other children as well and as a result, his social skills have improved massively.

Have they given a reason for splitting them up? I know how horrible it must be for your son.

This happened to us last year. School would not budge. It worked ok in the end.

I don't think you have any rights here tbh, unfortunately.

I think you maybe more upset than yours DS.

At secondary it is a totally different ball game and both kids may fair better with the split now before your DD gets overly reliant.

They could be preparing kids for secondary or maybe the other child or their parents have said something or it could have been done for the benefit of other children or the teachers have thought both children might benefit.
Try and reassure and encourage your DS if they are genuine friends they will still stay friends.

It seems like quite a large undertaking for a child to support another child who is 'emotionally unstable'. Do you believe their statement that your child is OK at school, and do you think that the school is supporting him enough to help him through this change?

He is only 5 year old and the other child's parents have no issue at all. Rather they were also upset on the split.
The reason school quoted is due to children not gelling together but in this case that's clearly not happened.

My DD had a friend all through primary/junior school who was overly reliant on her she didn’t have autism but she was a prem baby and was still very thin, tiny, fragile and was always off sick so she was behind with her school work.
I worried how she would fair at Secondary and whether DD would have to be constantly playing a minder role and fighting her battles for her. I kept this to myself. Anyway they drifted apart in year 6 and the other girl seems to be doing fine socially at school. But my DD is finding it harder socially.

tbh my child has not been supported well emotionally as we have faced his tantrums throughout the previous year. He had a big issue with the teacher who spoke to him very loudly. He felt scared of her.
School reshuffled 4 classes out of 6.

In some schools children are shuffled at the end of every year. I think you’re going to have to explain that your son will meet new friends and help him with the change. You can’t blame the school.

Reshuffling the reception classes for yr 1 is quite common . Allows the teachers to balance the classes a bit more and encourage new friendships when children become too reliant on one person. They split up twins too. It encourages kids to branch out a bit. They still see eachother when classes mix and at breaks etc

It Will be good for the other kid too as he will get to work with other people.

The lack of support does sound an issue though. A meeting to discuss that could be advisable

The issue i am facing he was separated from his close friend from nursery to reception, we worked so hard to calm him down and encourage him to build up a new social contact but we are facing the same issue once again.

I wouldn’t push him to build “a social contact” that is going to create ongoing issues for him if you push reliance on one friend.

If your concerned about his social skills then talk to School about how they can support him overall to develop them.

Thank you all for your valuable advice.

Does the school get any social funding (I think it's called this??) for him? I'm only asking as a boy in my sons class does and he got split from the only person he gelled with the mum went in spoke to head (I think it did get quite heated!) and she mentioned about the funding - next day the school had moved him to the other class? I don't no if this would help in ur case or not I really don't no how it works just an idea!

You might mean SEND or PP funding but this isn’t really the issue. Most schools will see reliance on one friend as unhealthy and will try and allow children opportunities to have several friends. I think this is reasonable.

This is one of those thins which happen. It often feels like a big deal at the time and creates angst, and often it is the parents who seem to feel it most, whilst the children adjust to the idea more quickly. And actually, once it all happens, it's usually fine.

In these situations, all you can do is politely explain your preference and then leave it to the school to decide. You have no right to insist on a specific teacher or to be with particular children and given the large number of children involved, most people can see that it just isn't possible to consider individual preferences, apart from where the issues meet very specific criteria.

Try to trust the school in its decision making and your DC in their ability to adjust to change and see positives that can come from it all.

The reason quoted by the school as children "not gelling" is probably true - remember they have lots of children to consider while you, naturally, are focusing only on your DS. They will be thinking about the dynamics of the class as a whole. I hope it works out well and your DS settles into his new class next term.

I’ve been through this 3 times with dd and twice ( one more to come) with DS
Each time there have been tears and tantrums from some children ( and parents) and School have never to my knowledge backed down .
It’s always turned out ok in the end as well
The first time it happened to one of my dc I was very upset - she was separated from her bff since age 2 at the end of y2 and there was much drama and tears from everyone involved but having seen it happen so many times now I know that it will be fine

Regardless of SEN or not, it is never good for one child to be so reliant on another at school. It will be hard, as dealing with change is hard, but the benefit of doing this will outweigh the benefit of your son staying with this friend in the long term. Class changes in larger schools can happen every year, it's a fact of school life kids have to deal with. And they become stronger because of it.

I think the other aspect you have to consider is how your DS would cope if his special friend had to move away. Around me there are several RAF schools with almost 100% service family children. They have a high level of movements. A child can suffer trauma very similar to bereavement when a solitary best friend moves away. Therefore do try and help him have a range of friends because if the special one has to move, your DS will face much bigger problems than just having his friend in another class. Think of the mixing up as an opportunity for him to spread his wings a bit and get to know other children who might share his interests.

Grin, make out it's the most positive thing ever, grit teeth.

I'm pissed about both class reshuffles for my kids this year - it's been done intentionally to break up "best friends" as they don't believe the concept of a best friend is good for the child - and it's also been done in my kids' case against the class teachers' views in many cases and the head's just overruled them. They also have put 6 kids with the same first name in one class which is just bonkers! Bit of a show of who's in charge from on-high methinks.

Nowt I can do about it - smile and make the best of it.

In my case I have one child in a class with another child who, when their powers combine, bring out absolutely the worst in each other behaviourally (teacher agrees that this one is Not A Good Combination) and I've got the other one with kids who've been horrid to her in the past. I'm on "Being That Parent" standby if required.