Opinions needed, should I send dd to private school

[amy1008]

I'm new here and English is not my first language. Apologise first if i said something wrong.

My dd will start reception in 2019. Our local school is a bit of a nightmare (behaviour issues, bully, well below national average results, etc), so I definitely don't want to send dd in. There is a much better school about 1.5 miles away. But it's very small and heavily oversubscribed, even children live in the catchment area can't all get in.

House price in the catchment area is very high, there is no way for us to afford a house with decent size there. We considered renting a place near school and renting our own home out, but not sure whether council would allow it. And it can't guarantee a place.

So, it comes to the question should I send her to private school. There are a few good private school nearby. School fee is about the same as current nursery fee, manageable but both dh and I need to work hard. Personally I don't think private education at primary stage is necessary but it's better than going into a bad school. The only thing I'm worrying is that if all the other students come from wealthy families, would it be difficult for dd to fit in?

Any advice? thanks

My feeling is that it's better to pay at primary school rather than at any other stage, money permitting. Give me a child until he is seven and all that.

@Thesearepearls That's an interesting attitude. But I disagree.

What children need to learn at primary is more easily offered by state schools than what they need from secondary education. In primary, they need to socialise, play, learn the basics which parents can easily top up with reading support, playing and helping with times tables etc. Whereas secondary exams have an impact on their entire future - which uni they get into, what jobs than get offered etc. Smaller class sizes, less disruption, high expectations are all more easily accessed in private schools than state comps. And parents are less able to fill in any gaps that appear, as the level of learning is far more specific and complex by the time they reach GCSEs and A levels.

Welcome to the thread racecardriver

I'm sure the 93% of children attending state schools will enjoy being labelled as benefit recipients

Minapaws I've thought about this a lot actually. It's received wisdom that it's better to pay for secondary education rather than primary. But good studying habits and good sports/music are laid down at primary school - not secondary school. This is where habits are laid down for life.

I'm not sure I am keen on kids going through the private system for their entire school lives (although mine have). It can lead to complete disconnection which is neither useful nor productive for the kids as well as society at large. It's important to stay grounded.

I share Race's view too. Why in effect take food from the mouth of the poor by taking a state school place when you can afford to pay fees?

Places are made available in a state funded school for every single child regardless of wealth. Nobody is taking a place from a poorer child by attending a state school. Ridiculous notion.

My DD is at private school and all the parents I know work - hence being able to afford the fees!! I think 70% of the mums are doctors/ solicitors etc

‘The poor’?? More than 90% of children attend state schools!

Well I suppose poverty can be relative rather than absolute

If any of your state school educated kids need new socks, I have plenty. None of them match though.

My kids go to state schools, both of us work, pay taxes, but if we followed Racecardriver and Xenia's ideals, we would need a council house and benefits to feed kids. Surely better to take the £8500 the cheap skate government pays to educate our two, then take a house which are much more needed and truly in short supply?

Sometimes think people either have no clue or are deliberately offensive to the majority of their fellow citizens, not sure it's a great advert for private schooling myself.

Where I live most people cannot afford private school at least for more than one child. At at least £15000 per year per child plus "extras". Even if you are on a 6 figure salary (which most Doctors etc are not), if you have 3 children this is unaffordable.
A local private girl's school does have a lot of clergy but only because they give big bursaries and often Grandparents make up the difference.

Dd went to a private primary as the state option we were offered was not what we wanted for her. Lots of only children. Virtually no sahm. School knew most parents worked and had far more sensible evening times for things, no finish at 2pm last day of term etc than the local state schools. All you can do is look and see where feels a good fit for dc. Have you visited the state options you are likely to get in? We were in a deprived northern town and the School was the only private primary in town and no private secondary schools. Parents were builders, small business owners, dr, solicitor, nurse, architect etc. We moved to a nicer area and dd went state for secondary. Fees barely went up in 7 years she was there.

Dds fees were just over £500 a month inc lunch and music lessons when she left last year but like I say this was up north.

I have my DD in prep. It is a fantastic school and she has come on so so well. It has small class sizes and all the children from the smallest to the biggest play together and are incredibly polite and well behaved. There is NO bullying. Fees are £2000 a term. We aren't rich, it is split between myself and her GPs but there is no snobbish behaviour. I have never been made to feel uncomfortable for having a cheap old car and no money! We have both made good friends and I wouldn't think twice faced with the choice again as I generally believe it has made a huge difference for her.

It hugely depends on the school regarding the wealth of the parents. Oxfordshire is very wealthy in parts. North Oxfords and the Cotswolds, notably so. Plus Henley and many of the beautiful villages. Many wealthy people choose the private schools and they certainly won’t be affording them on 2 x a nurses salary! There are few cheap private schools in Oxfordshire and schools like The Dragon are mostly full of well heeled parents but not totally!

My DD was at Godstowe in Bucks and there were plenty of very well off parents plus some where both parents worked. Their children were always included so you really don’t need to worry about that. Often parents have nannies/child minders collecting so if children are invited to something, they will get there. Or another parent can colkect your child with your permission.

Just have a look around and see where you feel comfortable and, most importantly, what you want for her next phase of education. If it’s not state, plan for the expense of that. Also don’t choose a school which prepares for CE at 13 if you want to transfer to secondary at 11. What are your forward plans? If it’s just to get away from an unsuitable primary, is the local comp rubbish too? What are the options?

Private schools can have state of the art everything but some are pretty average. I doubt your local primary is awash with bullying in YR. but don’t be swayed by super facilities your child might never use.

Thanks everyone. I checked the Ofsted reports of our local school and talked to some of the neighbors. The behaviour problem seems to be improved a lot since they had a new head in 2015. But their results are still not good, well below average on all subjects. And the Ofsted report mentioned a lot about low teaching quality, low expectations etc.

Our initial plan was to go private from secondary school. There are quite a few very acdamic private secondary schools in Oxford. But if in a state school with low acdamic results, I don't think DD would be able to make it through the entrance exam then.

As for the prep school, we attended a few playgroup sessions and DD loves it. It's an all through school, so no hassle of entrance exams. Hope we can get a place though.