School Visit

[Mumza]

DS and I visited an independent school today. It is the first one we have visited. DS was enthusiastic after the visit however I can’t help feeling disappointed. I’m starting to wonder if my expectations were too high! What does everyone else expect from a visit to an independent school? Any advice would be appreciated as I’m struggling to pin point what was lacking from the visit and causing me to feel disappointed. Thanks!

It could just be your gut reaction. We have a great independent at the end of the road but I just don’t like it. Every time I have visited it I have found a bad vibe about the place. I think I have worked out it’s the other parents (flash money, competitive, expectations) but there’s nothing actually wrong with the school. It’s actually really good.

Compare and contrast with two other schools we have fallen in love with. They just feel different.

Also, not all independents are equal. One we visited was so poor I just can’t believe people spend money on it.

You’ll know if it’s right or not. Bit like buying a house.

What was it that disappointed you? Agree with the above poster that it is very much akin to buying a house.

DS has been to 2 very different indies. His prep was beautiful old buildings - school chapel was the local cathedral etc. But subsequently many classrooms seemed poky and dark. Post year 9 he is in a modern build school with large airy roomd which although doesn't look as flash gets exceptional gcse and a level results. However in both the staff were great and kids lovely.

Were you antipating a certain look?

Thank you for your replies. Maybe it was my gut instinct. We are visiting another school soon so at least I will have something to compare it too. No, it was nothing to do with the look of the school or the buildings. I still can’t find the words to describe why I am disappointed...it’s so frustrating!

All schools whether state or independent have a 'feel'. I think it is linked to the ethos of the school. It either feels right or wrong. You have to decide whether you gut reaction needs to be given more or less weight that the less subjective things like results, facilities, opportunities and fees.
Personally I think there is a lot to be said for gut reaction - it helps to work out whether your DC would be happy in what might be a brilliant school in terms of the above, but not for your DC.

Is DS currently at a state school? A very good state school is basically pretty similar to or even better than a private school in many ways (teaching etc), although the private school may have better facilities and smaller class sizes. Maybe you were expecting something markedly different from his current school?

Yes DS is currently in a state school and it’s not a good one! The school we visited has great results and the facilities and opportunies look great too. I felt like the visit was a bit of a show and not personal-it felt like a sales pitch instead of an opportunity to determine if DS was right for the school and if the school was right for DS. Less personal that I hoped. Think that’s why I’m disappointed.

That is a perfectly valid response. I have seen things shown as amazing at some privates that I knew as an experienced parent had just been copied from State.
And at Sixth Form we all (fortunately all of us) found one was too "corporate".

I loved the independent school Dd & Ds went to. It had a lovely feeel to it & the ethos fitted us. I remember feeling on our visit that we must do whatever it took to send her there.

This lasted for three years until a change of head. It became a very different place & the ethos changed. Dd chose not to stay on for seniors & we pulled Ds out after he had an horrendous two years.

So go with your gut. Just because it’s indeoendent doesn’t mean it’s autonatically the best choice.

Thank you all for your replies. It’s such a big decision and it’s so important for DS that we get it right. Fingers crossed my gut instinct will approve of the next school or it’s back to the drawing board!

You are right to go with your gut instinct. Just for closure in this particular school it may be worth asking for a tour on a normal school day to guage the atmosphere and see all of the children in the normal day. Open days can be a bit of a marketing show.

Imo, the best thing you get from deciding to / being able to go private is choice. Keep looking until you find the one that leaves you feeling 'this is the one.'

If you look up the school you visited on Mnet, what are people's opinions of it? Or you could tell us which school it is and somebody is bound to have a view ?
I do understand tho, having looked round quite a few preps and seniors, visited god knows how many for matches both for myself back in the dark ages and for the DC more recently and attended 2 myself, that some of the best thought of schools can underwhelm at first sight or you can "take against' a school sometimes without knowing why!

It was just a normal school day and not an open day. It was busy and it was good to see the school in action. I think it was the staff member who made it feel impersonal. The school itself seems good and like I said it has great results and lots of opportunities for DS. Will keep mulling it over and see how the visit to the other school goes.

Ime it is unusual not to be shown around by pupils rather than staff. This gives you and your child a chance to have questions answered in a less guarded way and tailor your visit to areas of specific interest, Presumably your ds would have a taster day before you had to commit. It might also be worth parking up during the school day and observing behaviour at break times - we saw some apparent bullying during one visit which went unchecked, and in retrospect should have been a warning.

When I looked at a number of schools with my then 9 year old it was very instructive having him there as some teachers seemed very good at speaking to adults but less good with children (and after all it was the ability with Children we were looking for).

I would also go with my gut, I loved out boys school when I first stepping foot in it, but was very ambivalent about DD's school. DD is moving 3 years in.

Having said that though, massive open days often do not give you the proper feel of a school. I recommend a smaller group tour.

Agree with trusting your instincts at least as much as a rational assessment. We had no doubts about my son's first school, and they have done very well by him. It's interesting how he has reacted to various senior schools that we have seen the last few years - quite a variation and not necessarily consistent with their reputations.

My daughter's first school I felt more 50/50 about and we moved her early. Later, one of the senior schools we visited with her was a highly academic school that looked potentially right on paper - but without being able to put our finger on why, we all looked at each other in the car after the visit and unanimously said "No". One of her friends from her first school has gone there though and is very happy.

Thinking about it, when my own parents had the opportunity to move me from state to private, they had to go with their third choice of the available schools. Whilst we benefitted from it compared to where I was, my sister and I both were glad to leave it too. It would I think have been better for both of us had it been possible to go to the first choice school (but their fees were escalating too fast).

I hope that after you have visited a few schools you will begin to get a feel for what you are looking for, and gain confidence to make a good decision!