School for anxious child

[Timber23]

Hello. My 12 year old DD has been suffering from anxiety and severe depression since starting senior school ( an independent coed school in South West London) in September. She has formed a school phobia and has had a lot of time off. We have tried returning to school on a part time basis, and slowly reintroducing her but nothing has stemmed her anxiety. She is receiving excellent therapy and the school hasn’t been understanding and helpful but I am starting to feel she would benefit from a smaller, more nurturing school where they have had some experience of anxiety and how to deal with it and where she can have a fresh start, but is there such a thing? Could anybody let me know if they have any recommendations or if they have had any experience with a child with anxiety and finding the right school. We are prepared to go private and we live in the Richmond area. Thank you.

Meant to say current school HAS been helpful.

For smaller schools consider Radnor House, St Catherine’s and possibly Canbury.

My DD had a shocking time at a co-ed school in SW London and left at the end of YR8. We moved her to a smaller more nurturing school out of London which has its challenges on a logistics basis but has seen a complete turn around in her behaviour and effort levels. For some girls the co-ed environment makes them grow up too quickly which many are not ready for.

Thank you so much for this. It sounds like we have similar girls. We are up for logistical issues just do long as we have a happy girl again. Do you mind messaging me which school she went to? So many claim great pastoral care and nurturing staff but then you hear stories that would suggest otherwise. Important we get it right this time, as we don’t want to cause any further damage.

In order to get it right next time do you know exactly what her anxiety stems from? Is it the co-ed element, the size of the school, certain DC that have been unkind, etc? Also, does she have ideas about what kind of school might suit her better - would she prefer all-girls - for instance? You never really know what a school is like until you're there and different year groups can have very different dynamics, so it really is a lottery. Don't beat yourselves up. Many DC change schools, because for whatever reason the one they're at was the wrong choice.

The anxiety is largely social anxiety stemming from a difficult time in year 6 where she got excluded from her group of friends and never understood why. She is desperately worried it will happen again. She is also intimidated by the size of the school and the CoEd aspect seems to create an atmosphere of bruising banter which she finds hard. She is quite young for her age, still quite an innocent and is really frightened by the ‘mean’ girl culture that seems to prevail amongst some of her year group. She likes the idea of all girls but is open minded, but my instinct is she needs something small and cosy for the time being.

This website www.isc.co.uk/schools/ can help you to identify all the independent schools within a set radius of your home.

I know someone who had the same issue and sent their daughter to a state boarding school which she absolutely loved.

Timber, I know the perfect school for your daughter, but it’s in Oxford.
It is boarding, but you can do weekly. Is this something you would be interested in?

Yes! Staying open minded. Would even consider moving to have a happy family again. Message me if you can.

Timber, sent you a message.

Let me know if you have any other questions.

Have you explored why she has this anxiety more? Have a look at sensory processing disorder, autism and similar - not saying it is that but there may be more to this than you are aware and in girls they are often diagnosed very late because girls are clever at masking the more textbook symptoms.

My daughter has issues but has a known diagnosis of a genetic disorder which underlies her autism and some other difficulties. She became very stressed even with support in her mainstream school and eventually (with an EHCP/statement) we moved her to an independent specialist school - small classes of up to 10 children, at least 2 adults in the class and a very low stress environment. The difference in her was amazing. This may not be the right school academically for your daughter but there may be options that can provide to her issues and ability though it may be quite a search. If you want more info about the school inbox me.

If you are able to go out Surrey direction then look at Manor House, wonderfully nurturing and smaller. As others said Radnor House also fits the bill in ways.