Impact of boarding school on emotional well being ?

[spiderbabymum]

Does anyone here remember a ? Recent thread on this topic

Adult reflecting on the impact of being sent away to private boarding school at a young age

She described how it forced her to internalise her emotions and only portray a positive exterior to the world ?
Which led to problems later in life

Found it fascinating and moving

And would like to show it to a friend

I do remember it but cant tell you what the title was.
There will always be adults who will say that boarding has had a massive negative impact on their "emotional well-being" but please remember that there will also be many adults who boarded who will tell a completely different and much more positive story although of course these aren't as interesting to those who are very anti boarding.
Secondly the age of the adult is very relevant, most boarding schools have changed very significantly in the last 15-20 year, adults over 30 who boarded will have a very different experience from those in their late teens and 20's.
I work in the public sector with children who come form all backgrounds, many sadly with significant MH concerns I see many children who "internalise their emotions and only portray a positive exterior to the world", I've being doing this for the last 10 years, none have boarded.

There are a few books and videos on Boarding School Syndrome

I have a friend who was massively mentally damaged by her time at a top public school (her sex change was right after leaving)
I have other friends who loved every minute of their time at boarding schools
I know people who committed suicide due to the stress
I know people who were MADE by their time at boarding school
I know people who were sexually abused at boarding school
I know people who were freed from horrible home lives by boarding school

It HAS to be a positive decision by the child and the parents
it HAS to be something that it re negotiable at any time

and its so dependent on

• the school
• the person

that its pretty tough to generalise

Should also add that in the past I’ve worked with children with MH concerns in boarding schools, not one attributes there problems to boarding. I’m afraid the famous line from the Philip Larkin poem usually rings loudly in my ears when I listen to children (regardless of where they’ve been educated). OP can I suggest that you also that to your friend.

I think this is the thread you might be looking for OP.

I Also know various boarders and they're also mixed between it was great / it was awful.

One that struck me was a girl I worked with and we were chatting about parents and boarding school... her whole demeanour changed.

She said she doesn't really know her parents properly as they were abroad and they essentially let the school raise her and paid strangers to deal with her childhood. She had been out of uni a year so she hadn't actually spent any amount of time with them.

She said she still has major hang ups about it all. It made me sad she honestly looked broken remembering her past.

Sadik yes that is it !!!!! Thanks so much xxx