Anyone's child in boarding school

[wiziliz]

Someone please help me...my daughter wants to start her secondary education in the UK, boarding school. I am in tears as I will be in a different country and my kid in a different country boarding school. Anyone in this position, pls post your experiences.
Thank you.

Yes we were for a short while. Many pros and cons all dependent upon your child your family and the school you choose. Take time to consider carefully. PM me if you need.

We aren't there yet, but I know several families who have made the decision to board at 11 or 13.
For us, we gave decided to go back to the UK for secondary. If DH stays here, that would be preferable for us than to have the kids abroad. But that isnt a possibility for many.

Consider the extra costs. I know one family who looked at the fees, but are finding the frequent flights (plus unaccompanied minors fees) and extra lessons and guardian families for exaet weekends are mounting up and making the cost much higher than factored.

We are in a slightly different position, DD is our youngest and both her brothers went to the local school before keaving home at 18 to go to University. DD looked set to follow this pattern, but at 16, has started at a boarding school 2.5 hours from where we live.
So we don’t have a family history of boarding, and our friends DC all go to school locally.
The school is a specialist provider, over 2/3 of students board. Every 3 weeks there is an exeat when all the students must leave school for the weekend, 3 or 4 weeks later is either half term or end of term. So we go a maximum of 3 weeks not seeing DD and we all find it difficult. She misses Home and we miss her.
That’s not to say she doesn’t love school - she does. It’s an incredible place to be and suits her so well.
The school takes boarders from age 8, I would not be able to have let her go any younger than 16. But that’s just my opinion and I may have felt differently if we lived closer so we could pop over and visit DD more easily.
Sorry, that’s probably not what you want to hesr, so please remember it’s my view only but is based on having a child currently at boarding school so I’m not anti-boarding.

We were in Hong Kong and DD was insistent she wanted to "go home" to board for senior school at age 11 (Yr 7). After a summer of stress and her & I arguing, she went and settled in well. For me though, it initially felt a bit like a bereavement. I was so upset at her going and became a little depressed, I think. My younger son, in turn, missed her terribly (he subsequently joined her when his time came).

However, one quickly gets used to the status quo and I was happy knowing she was happy and thriving, that she enjoyed boarding and we looked forward to having her home for the holidays. It's difficult if there is a large time-difference like we had as we could only speak at certain times but you find ways to get round this.

All in all, I would recommend letting her try if she feels that strongly about it. We felt if we had stopped DD from going, she would likely have resented us for it. She wanted security knowing she wouldn't have to move schools again and could stay in one place all through senior school. She is now in Sixth Form and doing well and DS is with now with her at the same school in Yr 9, having also joined in Yr 7.

In a nutshell, the thought of her going was worse than the reality, if that makes sense - it all worked out very well in the end! Good luck!

Thanks a lot for all the replies.

We have been through this. British boarding schools offer a great education but it does change the family dynamic and the relationship between children and parents. I often find that the children are happier about it than the parents.

If you do decide to go down this route make sure you choose a FULL boarding school where the majority of the children are in on a Saturday night. There are only a handful of such schools in the UK. Do not make the mistake of going down the weekly boarding route as your child will be one of a handful in school on a Saturday and will be miserable.

Schools lie about this so be prepared!

Where my DD boarded, there were not loads of girls in on a Saturday night, but actually she liked it that way. They got a lot of attention, had quite a lot of fun and actually found it enjoyable. It depends who you are and what you want out of boarding. We only lived 1 hour away and she went at 11. We, and other parents, often had overseas girls back home and they did not always go to guardians at exeats.

I totally appreciate it is different if you are abroad. You are not going to see them as much unless you are here on a fairly frequent basis. However, being a parent is not all about your needs. It is about their needs as well. If you weigh everything up and the school is the right one, you can all be happy. You can delay to 13 as well.