How to get along with private school mums

[busyconfusedmum]

My DD is going private school since last 3 years . We had a good start .
But as I got along with job , and didn't had too much time for socialising . I seem to be missing out on all what is happening.
Also I do host lot of playdate - 1 -2 every week , but hardly anyone calls my dd for a playdate.
Don't want to think too much all about this ... but now cannot my mind over it . Have made some friends ad did ask them if there is something I should be aware of ! but no one utters a word.
Also now , birthday invites goes to girls - whose mums get along .
Am not sure - if the whole purpose of sending kids to private school is to have extra social pressure.
I feel horrible.
X

You are not horrible, I have posted about this before and got some reassurance.
What I do see is some people make school their whole social life, and I don't. So like you I am not in the cliques, my son isn't at every party, but like you I do have some parents at the school that I can talk to.
If your DD likes the playdates and the children are nice to have around, carry on for her, if this is to make her friends or you friends let it go. Yes some mums at school are birds of a feather, they do everything together, and throw their children together for everything, sometimes the children get along great and sometimes they don't, but honestly as they get older they do just start to pick their own friends.
If you want to make friends try the PTA or class rep roles, go to the school socials plaster on a smile and just talk to people.
But please don't feel horrible about yourself, if you look around the playground at pick up, beyond the social group you describe you will see such a variety of parents some talking to others some not. It is easy to get fixated on a small group and think they are the many.

Thanks a lot for reassuring. I just wish that all these sociology not to effect my daughters growing and development

This wont affect your daughter it really wont!

Honestly, I'm sure you have friends worth nurturing and spending your precious energies on. Imagine these mums without children. Are they the sort you would be friends anyway? Insecurities can be crippling. But you need to step back and detached and develop other activities outside children . children grow up!

Organise a Mums night out - always popular and will give you chance to get to know more of the mums. There will be others who also work so are not part of the daytime social scene who may be in your position. Even if just a few accept then you still start to build relationships with them.

Are there cultural/language difficulties/differences that perhaps they are picking up on and making judgements about? Sometimes the mums at my school who speak a certain language do get together in a clique in the playground and speak their own language and I imagine it would be quite off putting to other oarents who can’t speak that language.

I am a teacher at an independent schoo and at my school we have a full range of parents, from ones who I get on well with and who I could in a different situation imagine being good friends with, to those who I find quite objectionable. Just like anywhere in life really! Your aim is not to make friends, but hope that your child makes friends, as they get older they will become more independent in sorting out their own social life and not need the micromanagement that young kids need!

you're overthinking this,school isn’t your ready made social milieu meet a mate venue
Your kid goes to school.you don’t.dont personalise school
The only thing you have in common with other mums is kids same yr group
I work ft and rarely see the other mums which given the way they carry on is a blessing

Hi there,
Just wondered if things have gotten better with the mums clique situation?
Do you think it has affected your daughter in anyway?

My child has just started reception and is new among the group as the others all went to nursery together. She is very popular with the kids so far however myself not so much. Not sure if there is a culture difference as I am an Asian American but all I have been is kind. However, I was only accidentally added to the class WhatsApp group and now they have started a WhatsApp group without me. As someone said on the thread earlier these women are not my tribe so I don't mind not being included but I do worry long term how my relationship with these mums will affect my daughter's social life.

They started a new group with literally everyone but you? Less than a month after the year started? I hope the school teaches the children to be kind and social; otherwise I feel sorry for your DD being stuck with children who are being set such an example.

@Yolo22 i bet its technical issues snd people juggling too much. We just realised we left 3 kids out of on set of class communications since september.... since there are no chats at pick up or drop off anymore, we just never realised. feeling awful, but it is so hard to keep everything organised in the moment!

just to add, one of the parents i managed to miss is a friend.... she texted me on something school related, I realised she should have known, and checked the list. And discovered she and 2 other parents were missing