concern

[bim1]

Recently my young teenage daughter was asked to stay behind after school to improve her work, without our knowledge or consent on her own with a teacher. she felt awkward as it was a male teacher so took along a friend. we were concerned ,we felt she should have never been put in this situation let alone the worry it caused. I called the school and asked to speak to the safeguarding lead, to be told they were to busy and to put it in writing to the principal. we received a reply which implied we were making accusation of a false nature and we were bad parents and the matter was closed!!! I am at a loss, I was trying to raise a concern, and to gain more information about the incident. would like some views on the matter please.

I don't have secondary school kids so not sure if this is typical or not. Is there any history with this teacher? Anything else your child has concerns about?

I have to say though im surprised the school aren't more interested. Your child could make up any allegation and he would habe put himself in a very precarious situation.

Speak to Safeguarding lead or governors?

No other issue, i am just baffled that we aren't being given the chance to talk about this.

If your DD was a DS and it was a female teacher would you have raised a concern or if your DD was a DS and it was a male teacher would you be concerned? As unpalatable as it sounds women abuse children as well
In my professional life I am expected and frequently sit in a room on my own with a teenage boy and my male colleagues do the same with a teenage girl, both have the choice to ask for a chaperone or to see someone of the same sex I reality very few do.

yes, my concern was that we would have expected to be informed, was there no opportunity for this to be done during the school day or week, even if it is not a procedure common sense would prevail and to stop any worrying . also that she walks to and from school. we have arrangements in place that she does not do so alone , especially as this was winter.
I take it that if you work on a one to one basis that these children's parents are aware of this. My daughter was told on the day. I

I can only speak from my school experience, but to start with students cannot be kept behind for more that 15 minutes without a call home, but that is only for sanction purposes. I assume DD was not in trouble as such, so she could have said no?

Secondly, and again from my school experiences, no student is in a shut room on their own with a teacher. Regardless of whether it's male/female, male/male or female/female. Also, I think it's unlikely that the teacher and your DD were the only people in that part of the school. Assuming that it was a classroom, it's likely that there were plenty of staff and students milling around.

I think that perhaps you should have spoken to the teacher first to ask exactly what was expected and what the set up was, rather than immediately jumping to the conclusion that it's a safe guarding issue.

Have you spoken to the teacher yet, to get his side of the story? I'm not suggesting your DD is a liar at all, but you really need to have the full facts before questioning a SG matter.

Just read your OP again and it does suggest that DD was possibly in trouble for not doing her work properly? If so, our school can keep students behind for 10 mins without warning or contact with home.

it a very unusual situation, she was achieving a level 5! she has never been in detention in her life! She was not in trouble. she took a friend with her, she felt at the time that she would have received a detention had she not gone.
I contacted the school hoping to deal with the matter in a informal capacity but was never given the chance.
As a parent I would myself not put my self in a situation where i am alone with a child that is not my own, if i my children have friends over my children are present if I am dropping them home i take one or a couple of the children with me. I would assume that if as a parent i avoid putting myself in this situation i would hope as a teacher with the training, that you would avoid the situation. I have had children stay behind for gcse course work or extra lessons but have always had written notice. Not all children have the self confidence to say no especially to a teacher. I am very proud of her for being aware enough to ask her friend to come with her, but she shouldn't have had the need to. Also the probability that she was the only one who could have required the time to improve her work.Maybe a group session would have been better.
Unfortunately we have not been able to ask any questions and we have never been asked by the school as to what our daughters version of events were and how she felt etc.

If you think this is a Safeguarding issue you must pursue it. The school have to investigate and inform you of the outcome. If you are not satisfied, you can contact the safeguarding team at your local authority.

I think you need to keep 2 issues here very seperately:

1. Your dd was kept behind and you are unsure as to why.
2. You are uncomfortable with the possibility of your dd being alone with a male teacher. It didn’t actually happen as your dd brought a friend.

Regarding point 1: ask the teacher for clarification
Regarding point 2: ask school for their safeguarding protocol regarding students being alone with teachers. Every school has these guidelines. Be very careful how you handle this - unfounded allegations can cause a lot of harm!

So a teachers was prepared to give up some extra time to help your daughter and your complaining?

Good luck - she won't get anything extra again.

We were hoping to deal with the whole situation informally out concern not only for our daughter but the teacher also. We just want to make sure that this kind of situation doesn't happen again, good communication between home and school would have ensured that we would not be here now. I also believe that had we been given the opportunity to discuss , our concerns openly in a meeting and not shut out , this matter would be at an end now.
Thank you all for you comments.

I have made no allegations! I was raising a concern. There is in my opinion a difference in a concern and a complaint.If we felt there were grounds for a complaint we would have followed the complaints policy.
I can not show you the letter or write the whole story on here.
It is in a subject that she did not pick as an option and she had to do as it was made compulsory in this academy.
I have for the past 20 yrs in my spare time volunteered in school, and I continue to do so, so please don;t assume that i am ungrateful.

Most schools have a policy around leaving doors open or big full length windows into classrooms to protect staff talking or working alone with children (and vice versa). If it was straight after school there would still be plenty of staff milling around the corridors and in adjacent rooms working. It sounds as though the teacher was trying to help your daughter with her work. I cannot count the number of times I've sat alone with a student helping them with their work after school. The idea that this should never happen has rather flabbergasted me actually. Good idea of your daughter's to take a friend if she felt uncomfortable though- and I would perhaps be wondering why she felt uncomfortable about it.

My DD is about to take her GCSEs and the teachers give up every evening after school to help year 11s by holding drop in sessions. Tonight she had a one to one with a male MFL teacher. It wouldn't even occur to me to be concerned. Teachers with an ulterior motive are the exception not the rule. Our school would only contact a parent if the child was in trouble, as secondary school children are usually considered to be capable of making their own arrangements for getting home or telling the teacher if staying late is not possible.

Sorry, but as soon as you called the school to discuss it with SG, you made it official. If you wanted an informal chat to get the facts, then you should have called to speak to the teacher concerned or the Head of Department.

Regardless of whether you say you weren't accusing anybody, by asking to speak to SG first, you've immediately made it seem like you're suggesting the teacher was inappropriate.

As a parent I would myself not put my self in a situation where i am alone with a child that is not my own, if i my children have friends over my children are present if I am dropping them home i take one or a couple of the children with me. I would assume that if as a parent i avoid putting myself in this situation i would hope as a teacher with the training, that you would avoid the situation

There are clearly reasons you have for being so conscious to never placing yourself, or your DD in any potential risk , and not for me to judge whether this is being over protective or best practise. Genuinely not meant to provoke - but if your DD were to have, say music lessons at school, would you expect that lesson to have a form of female chaperone, if the music tutor was male?

Obviously there will always be the minority of people in life that abuse their position of authority, whether that be with young people at school, the elderly in care etc etc, but being male precludes so many from considering teaching due to the heightened safeguarding challenges, especially at a time when recruitment is at such a low.

My child does have music lessons with a male instructor at the school but it is in an area where others present and is of an open plan. I have had a letter informing me prior to the lessons, who, when and where they will be taken place.
It is not unreasonable for me to expect to know where, with whom and what my child is doing.
If she goes out with her friends i know, where, she is, when she will be back, and who she is with. she also knows to tell me if they are going else where. I don't think it unreasonable to expect that from school.

When your DD is in school, she is there with responsible adults, not potential murderers or child molesters. It sounds as though there must be a back story driving your anxiety about children being alone with adults, because that is a worrying attitude.

Do you really expect someone in the school office to constantly be on the phone, trying to track down parents so that little Jemima can stay for 15 minutes to run through her homework? I can't be contacted at work for trivial things like that and it would be an utter waste of school resources. It is your child's responsibility to tell you where they are or tell the teacher if they are unable to stay. You will find in most cases that there is negligible contact between home & secondary school unless there are specific issues.

It is not unreasonable for me to expect to know where, with whom and what my child is doing.

It is unreasonable to expect this to happen through the school day. Schools are far too busy to provide this information for all parents. I would be interested in why your DD felt uncomfortable as this is worth exploring.

would like some views on the matter please

I do hope you get resolution OP, though the engagement and existing arrangements you have/wish to have with your DD's school is unusual, though all schools are obviously different. And if in place only to alleviate your own anxieties, then it's not surprising that it falls over once in a while.

It is also unusual, facilities allowing, to have open plan music lessons if they are one to one. Or to have other people present in non group lessons, other than the odd student popping in to pick up lost music, or teacher gently interrupting to ask their colleague a question...

It is clearly distressing for you that the school have let you down, but you did also ask for views, that will naturally highlight concerns from posters that there may be something more underlying than just over protective parenting. Calling this an 'incident' when the teacher did not do anything wrong other than to detain your DD to support her work after school. I am unclear as to whether she was detained for 10/20 mins or longer, but have never been contacted by a secondary staff to ask for permission in advance. And would be thankful they are being proactive to help on an issue that may be better dealt with out of class time. Can't comment on our detention procedure, thankfully, yet, but doesn't sound like your DD is detention profile either.

she was not there for 15 mins. The policy for for dentions clearly states that if they are kept longer than 15 mins that parents need to be given minimum of 24hr notice. what is the difference? My child is not at fault here and should not be in any way held to account. she had the common sense to bring her friend! She is not a trained professional or an adult.
My point precisely a responsible adult!

Detentions are given because the child has done something wrong and is in trouble. The parents need to know that their child is being disruptive and has been given a detention so that they can work with the school. Nobody was implying that your child was being given detention.

Your DD was not in trouble, she was being given extra help with a topic which the teacher identified she was struggling with. The teacher didn't have to offer to help her, but he obviously thought she would benefit from it. Unfortunately, he probably won't bother to help again, because someone has raised a "concern" that a male member of staff dared to offer to help a pupil. He was simply doing his job, as thousands of teachers do around the country every single day, without the need to tell parents, have a chaperone or set up CCTV in their classroom.

Why do you feel the need to take someone else with you if you are simply dropping a child at home? If your DC mix with the sort of children who may make up a pack of lies accusing you of molesting them whilst driving on the motorway, you should be suggesting that they change their friends, not taking a chaperone every time you may be alone with a child.

Obviously all the details are not on here. and some words i have used on here may not be the best. we have decided that we will follow the advice given to us by many individuals. shame that the child is penalised for the parents action even if the parent thought it was a genuine concern. Luckily my dd is an excellent student varified by the numerous subject awards and letters of congratulation received.
Also that those attaining a lower grade were not given the extra input!
Thank you for your input.