Co-Ed or Single Sex school for a boy who doesn't seem to get on with other boys!?

[ElenyaTuesday]

Shortly a decision will have to be made about ds1's secondary school. He is a quiet boy - a bit of a thoughtful, fragile soul - and he has never had any real friends amongst the boys at primary school. He only plays with girls (he is 10!!) as he says the boys get into trouble all the time. He doesn't like sport or running games so he doesn't fit in with all the other boys - even the other quiet ones try to join in. I've tried inviting boys from school home over the years and he can cope with them one-to-one, although quite often they play with his more boisterous younger brother instead!
Unfortunately the best local secondary schools are single sex - would it be terrible to send him to a boys' school since he struggles so much in making friends amongst the male of the species? But, surely girls will get fed up with him soon - I'm surprised it hasn't happened already - as they chat about girly stuff and so on. So is it worth sending him to a co-ed school if in a few years the girls won't want to be friends with him?
I'm really concerned about this and don't know what to do with him. Any opinions? Has anyone else had a son like this?

He is 10 - what does he want to do?

Decisions are hard for him - he struggles to pick a packet of sweets in the shop - you'd think his life depended on it. There is no way he is going to decide what type of school he goes to!!! By which I mean he doesn't feel able to decide - not that I wouldn't let him decide! If only...

well, rather than talking about decisions, would he be able to talk about preferences for only having boys around versus girls, etc?

I see what you mean, pointydog. He has never been in an all-male environment, ever, so it might be difficult for him to imagine what that would be like and to give it a fair "hearing", if you see what I mean! He might go for co-ed by default as he knows what that is, as new situations are scary for him. Obviously when we go to look at the schools it might all pan out anyway, as he might just love one and hate the others. Maybe what I really need is a way of gently introducing him to the concept of an all boys school to get him thinking about it as a possibility. This might sound like I prefer the boys' schools - and academically I do - but it is pointless sending him there if he will be miserable!

I don't think a boys' school would be a bad thing. My DS2 sounds similar to yours and we sent him (well he passed the test!) to the local selective grammar which is single sex. Need to remember that there will probably be double the number of boys in his form class than at primary - increases the odds of finding a like minded boy. And hopefully a greater range of extra curricular stuff that will appeal - as well as all the sporty stuff ds's school has Warhammer, robotics and gaming club, chess,chemistry club etc.
And on the subject of making own decisions, DS1 would have chosen his secondary on the basis he enjoyed the food at the canteen!

I'm not sure it's a good idea to involve DCs too much in choosing a secondary school - they just don't see it in the same way as adults do.
However, I wouldn't send my DS to a single sex school (OK it's not exactly an issue yet) - though I would send a DD single-sex.
I'd say, look at the possible boys'school very carefully because if it does have a very macho ethos then your poor DS will have an awful time (probable daily duffings- up for being "gay") - if the place seems willing and able to cater for all types of boy then it might be allright.

Exactly, madamez, that's just what concerns me - he has already had a few comments along similar lines at primary school. A macho, rugby-playing type establishment would be a disaster. I need some sort of geek-driven school!!

Louweasel, your experience is very helpful - it is reassuring to know that boys like this can survive in an all-boys school.

I suppose the main reason (other than academic) why I'm even considering boys' schools is my concern that he should be somehow pushed towards being friends with boys, rather than being with girls all the time.

Thanks for your comments.

He may have some difficulties starting secondary school anyway. You mention he finds decision making difficult, is sensitive and I wondered if he also has organisational difficulties?
You want to be talking to prospective schools about the areas where he may need additional understanding and support and see their response. Ditch any bluff and hearty schools and go with the ones who seem to understand what you are saying. Then sell the school you like best to him, so he is positive about going there.

Elenya: why should he be 'pushed' into making friends with boys if he doesn't want to? Are you getting pressure from other family members to "toughen him up a bit"? if so, tell them to f** off out of it. Your DS is himself and always will be, trying to make him into someone he's not is not only pointless but cruel.

Havnt read the whole post but just wanted to say that he is going to spend so much time at school (years) that I think that he should be happy there as its so much of his time being spent there . I dont mean in the slacking off from work type of happy but surely he is intitled to get up in the morning and think OK I have to go to school its not so bad . Just my thoughts hope it makes it makes sence .

Havnt read the whole post but just wanted to say that he is going to spend so much time at school (years) that I think that he should be happy there as its so much of his time being spent there . I dont mean in the slacking off from work type of happy but surely he is intitled to get up in the morning and think OK I have to go to school its not so bad . Just my thoughts hope it makes it makes sence .

OOPS

i think there's absolutely no reason why he needs to be pushed to make friends with boys. What he needs is to have his own nature and preferences respected and accepted.

I wouldn't consider sending my ds to a single sex school if he was of this nature. Looking back to senior school, there were a few boys I was friendly with right through and I remember really respecting the ones who could talk to the girls, I thought they were the most mature and intelligent boys. I wouldn't necessarily think that the girls will exclude him; not the nice sensitive ones anyway.

Sorry for the delay in replying - been away at a family thing. Very interesting replies! I don't want to force him to be friends with boys - I was just concerned that girls wouldn't go on wanting to be friends with him through his teenage years! I went to an all girls school myself so have no experience of how co-ed works at secondary level. I don't want him to be Mr Macho - ds2 is that already and one is quite enough. I like being able to talk to one of my children about something other than sport. I'm glad to hear that there is a possibility that girls will still be friends with him later on. I am going to visit the two co-ed schools first, in mid-May, to get a feel for them but I do think that may be the best way to go. Thanks again.