DD wants to board when she goes into sixth-form

[hermy]

Hi there,

My soon-to-be 16 year old DD has been at the same independent school as a day pupil since she was three years old. She's been very happy there, is doing well both academically and in terms of activities etc. and we have been pleased with the school overall (we have two other children also attending as day pupils, but who are much younger).

She is a conscientious worker and has her sights set on university, and has asked us if we will allow her to board when she enters sixth form next September. She thinks it will benefit her academically and as she prepares for university applications, as currently her day is disrupted by a 1hr 15min journey to school (each way). This commute has affected her more this past year or so as she has more commitments and work - it is also difficult on DH and I when she has after school sports etc. and other 2 DC are finished at normal time.

I have always had rather a cynical view of boarding, and feel as though I would be sending her away - in a selfish way, I don't want her leaving too early, but on the other hand I don't want to hinder her and what may be best for her. I want her to be independent and get a Saturday job to earn money - as I did when I was a teen - but this seems unlikely at boarding school, and I don't want her to 'have it all on a plate'.

I'm just wondering what others' opinions are. Boarding has never been on the agenda for us before this. This is something she really thinks will benefit her and I don't want to get in the way of that, but I can't shake the feeling that we'd be sending her away. Has anyone else had this experience?

DD is already at the school she will board at. We are fine for 2018 as long as she gets a certain amount of GCSEs.

It's good to hear positive experiences! It's a small school so she won't need to make new friends etc. and the pastoral side of things is good.

My DD2 wants to board at sixth form too
Personally I think full boarding with stuff going on at weekends is best rather than weekly boarding
Looking at places an hour for us to drive we have enough options
I would get cracking tho as some schools have registration constraints
16 is v diff from 13
Know several boarders and one specifically moved from day girls independent who said she had never been happier at sch than sixth form boarding
It’s hard to know if it’s all for the best tho as with any new school

Do they do flexi-boarding, most seem to these days, so she could have say a term where she could choose to vary between 2, 3, 4 or 5 nights per week plus the odd weekend to sample full boarding and see what she likes best, which nights would fit best with her school and home life?

My dd liked 3 weeknights at school, we had the same school to home journeytimes as you.

My DP boarded from 16-18. His identical twin (they are very close) didn't board. He suggested it to his parents for much the same reasons as your DD. It was very good for him. I was very anti-boarding before I met him (experiences of others I knew) but he has opened up my mind.

Boarding is excellent preparation for uni and then work as it teaches you excellent life skills. Boarders learn to live and work along side a variety of people some who they may not like, others who may have different ways of living or a different ethos on life than your used to tidy, noisy, hopelessly untidy etc. or different cultural practices etc. You learn when to give people space, how to find space, I thought living in uni accomodation was in many ways very similiar to boarding. Being able to let those you find irritating not effect you is a very useful life skill my DS is an expert at this and boarders are often very shrewd judge of characters working out very quickly who they like and who they don't. Boarders are also quick at reading situation, working out what's expected and what's not; my DS apparently makes a wonderful house guest effortlessly fitting in to the life of the family he's staying with however odd! I often hear people say I can't sleep in a strange bed, or even I don't like staying in other people houses, he's totally unbothered. My DS went effortlessly of th uni, there were no pre uni nerves, within 30 seconds of arrival his father who'd kindly driven all his stuff rather than making him lug it all on the train was totally superfluous. From the occasional conversation I've had with him he's clearly very happy and popular. That is what most of us want for DC's when they start uni.
Let your DD board, if she's already at a school where there are boarders she already knows what it's all about I'm sure she'll have a wonderful time.

Tbh the A levels pressure is so great nowadays that not many get Saturday jobs at all. They don't have the time. I'm talking about state schools so I imagine it's even less in the independent sector

I boarded in sixth form and absolutely loved it. Let her decide would be my view.

My Ds has just started weekly boarding and loves it.He does much more sport than at home and is learning how to handle different personalities.He has become more independent and seems happier.There is no downsides ( Apart from the lack of an ever-open fridge!) and the cost of course.He is thirteen.

Where my DDs went to school, nearly all the 6th form boarded and many of the day boarders went to flexible boarding in the 6th form. No-one would consider a 1 1/4 hour commute sensible to get to and from school. I am surprised she's not worn out already.

Boarding gives the pupils far more chill out time with their friends and ability to keep up with clubs etc in school. They mature and grow up together. I assume she doesn't do much after school at the moment with such a long commute. If lots of the other girls board, I can see why she would want to.

It is not really a decision for you to influence unduly. Your feelings should be put to one side because she needs to start thinking about her own life and how she will best manage the 6th form. It's a no brainier really. They had an "into the 6th form "
weekend at our school so day girls could get a feel of the boarding houses and try it out. Does your school do this?

I'll watch this thread with interest. DD (Yr 10) has a 1 1/4 hour school bus commute as well. We leave home at 7am and she gets back at 6pm (15 mins by car from home to bus stop).

At the moment she's happy to commute although she finds the level of homework tough when she does get home, hungry and tired from daily after school sport. She goes to all girls day school so currently no boarding option. However she is thinking of moving to a mixed 6th form and her choices could include boarding or weekly boarding (which lots of her friends do at their schools already).

We don't plan to board her but if that is what she wants it may be a good interim step before Uni/College.

Does she have Saturday School currently or will she next year? That would affect getting a job I imagine.