AIBU to hold him back..

[Hana101]

My DS turned 4 at the end of August and started in reception in Sept.

He's very enthusiastic and loves going but I just think he is too small. He is always extremely tired usual asleep by 6, today I had found him in bed fully clothed and fast asleep at half 5!

He also doesn't seem to be "learning", he has attended nursery for the last two years and has been very slow at picking basics up i.e. Numbers 1-10 alphabet. TBH counting to 10 is still hit and miss for him. (He was also born extremely premi (31w) and I suspect this may have something to do with the slow intake of info).

I'm seriously considering looking into holding him back an extra year in nursery- has anyone else gone down this route?

Ideally I would like him to attend nursery until next sept and then start back in reception however I don't know how the LEA deals with this.
We are in Aylesbury Bucks- wondering if anyone locally has had to deal with the local authority regarding this and what the outcome was?

Any nformation and input welcome as I'm really starting to feel sorry for the little guy and shit mum guilt is creeping in

I have a premature baby born at the end of August and I fully intend to keep him back.

In your position, as you've already started reception, I'd make an appointment with the head to discuss the options. Also look at the school/local authority policy on delaying school entry so you're fully informed.

Good luck

The things you have mentioned are very normal for loads of dc starting Reception. There is no expectation he should already be able to count or recognise letters at this stage. Some dc will, many dc won't.

It is also normal to be shattered - and this is likely to go on throughout this term. School is exciting. There's so much to do and so much to get used to.

Make an appt to see the teacher and ask how they think he is managing.

As one of the really younger ones (+ being prem) it might make sense for you to collect him at lunchtime twice a week or something, in an agreed phased start.

Each authority is different, but in our authority, you need to provide all sorts of evidence and professional support to demonstrate why your child should be allowed to start Reception 12 months later than theri peers.

A lot of schools will insist the child goes into the correct year so straight into year 1

But they don't have to keep a place for you - how over subscribed are local schools?

Worth checking

There is no legal requirement to start school until the term after a child's 5th birthday and you are perfectly within your rights to request that your son starts in reception aged 5.
There is a fantastic group on Facebook called 'flexible school admissions for summer borns' look it up and join its a fount of knowledge and there's plenty of people with experience of deferring their children's school admission.
My DD is August born and I dint want to send her aged 4 and 6 days so we decided to defer her and she started reception aged 5 and 6 days this September. She's loving school and I know that she would have struggled to stay awake last year.
To all those that say hel'll cope and the teachers know what they're doing, I'd just remind them that those born on 1st September are never told to start early yet they are just days older than others in the class.
Join the FB group and you'll get loads of good tips, most LEAs are now waking up to fact that it is easier to educate slightly older children and agreeing to a deferment in ever greater numbers.

Well, I'd push for a later start. Being a premie, he's really more of an October born, really. These differences in development are apparent for years it's unfair for your little man to be in reception already.

I don't think, having started him you should 'unstart' him. I would have a meeting with the school and discuss maybe pulling him out a few afternoons a week, but in a few weeks I suspect he will be fine to go all day every day.

My ds was born a month early at the end of August. Really wanted to keep him back but was overruled by dh and nursery teacher. Regretted it ever since. He was tall, strong and academically bright but struggled socially. Only really got his confidence during his gap year which I pushed him to have so he could start uni as a more mature 19 year old. You know your child the best do do what you feel is right and don't be persuaded otherwise.

In many authorities you get the school place back in a year, but it will be in Y1 so YR is lost. I would negotiate with the school. I live in Bucks and I would keep my place at the school if it is a good one.

My friend's premature twins had bundles of energy and walked at 10 months. All children mature at different rates. He is not asleep at school so give him tea and a bath and have an early night. Lots of children do this. Lucky you. My children rarely went to bed before 8 pm and both were summer born. Take the gift of evenings with your DH and enjoy it. Do phonics etc in the mornings before school.

Bucks says on their website you can defer to Jan 18 or summer term 18 for a summer born child. As I said, a whole year and you may have to apply again and go into Y1. Ask the school how they can help and read Bucks CC admissions web site. As he has already started, you need to negotiate.

Thanks for all your comments.

I am meeting with his teacher next week to discuss my concerns and see what she thinks and how she finds him at school.
BubblesBuddy
The school is not a particularly good one and not my first choice he is on the list for my catchment school which is a better school.

DirtyWindows great to hear from someone who's child has been through the whole school system- my DS is very small (ages 2-3 clothes) and at the moment really struggles with ththe academics, socially I think will have a problem as recently he had two "accidents" on the same day and was unable to tell the teacher.

My prem was Sept born, so I couldn't hold her back but in your situation I would have.

However I think you may have missed the boat on this. I thought if you wanted to hold back you had to sort that out before applying and obtaining a place. Otherwise someone could apply, not get their preferred school, then say 'oh I'll hold them back' and then have another bite at the cherry the next year.

Hope the meeting goes well (and that I'm wrong).

Dd1, who was very ready for school (and a winter baby) was going to sleep by 4pm and needing to be woken at 8:30am, for the first half term. The second half term she'd adjusted and was fine.

I also don't think councils usually will let you have a "second chance" at starting without exceptional reason. Otherwise you'll get parents not getting the school they want and pulling them out to get a second go.

I don't know, my DS is end of August and is thriving in school. I think if I kept him back, I would have been holding him back. Ok so he's behind the ones who were born earlier in the term but he's still miles ahead of where he'd be if I kept him back.

I'm not saying all August born babies have trouble with school I think it's competly down to how the child is some could be more then ready and others not so much.
I did ask the question of deferring when I was playing for his school place on a local FB page and the general consensus of parents was they had all put the kids into reception the sept after they were 4.
Thank you everyone for your input I will update you all on Tuesday as to what the teacher says.

I think you could, potentially , withdraw him from his school place and start him again in January or indeed in the spring term if the school is not full nor likely to be full. You are taking a risk doing this because other children may come along and take your place. You need to be guided by what the teacher says about child development at school as they see it and how they cater for the very young children. They do, of course, see lots of YR children.

I woud be extremely worried if a child slept from 4 pm to 8 am the next day. No child needs this, not even babies.

Agree about sleep - i would take him to the doctors. Does he snore?

I think it was Witchend who commented that her DC slept from 4pm-8am, my DS normally sleeps from around 5.30/6.30pm and is usually awake by 7am.

I think once I have seen his teacher I will have more of a definitive idea of where I am going as whether he is settling in nicely and no intervention is needed or whether he is struggling.

Honestly from what you've said I think I'd hold him. He really is October Born and another year would make the world of difference socially, academically and physically.