Any advice/ thoughts on school discipline policy very much appreciated

[oliandjoesmum]

Sorry to be posting again with more questions, since I took the step to post initially I haven't stopped! I just need to ask opinions on school's behaviour policy. I am totally open to people saying it is reasonable, and I have to accept discipline for him, but just want to ask. I have posted on Education boards also. 2 big incidents (amongst many many minor ones) I need advice on:

1. DS teacher decided one day to divide the class in to 'naughty' and 'good' children, The idea was that the 'goods' could see how not to behave, and the 'naughties' could get some tips. Guess which group DS was in . Is this helpful/ normal? She is very reluctant for any of the less able children to be made to feel that others are cleverer than them, so why does the behavioural thing get treated differently? The kids who can hardly read don't get told 'come over here and look at Joseph (DS1, age 6) reading a Year 5 book, isn't he clever compared to you!!

2. I have posted previously about DS kicking a playtime assistant. I KNOW (and he now knows) it was very wrong, but was triggered by a scenario that I had told the school in his IEP/ School Action would be problematic for him. Anyway.... he tells me yesterday that he 'picked Henry' for his special staying in friend today. Hey???? I then glean that since the kicking incident (2 weeks ago) he has not been allowed out for a single playtime, and has to choose a friend to stay in with him. I knew absolutely NOTHING about this. Do you think I should know? Is it a helpful/ fair length of punishment? What about the 'picked' child, don't think I would be wildly happy if I was there parent! He has been trying so hard to be good, and I have noticed marked improvements, but he doesn't seem to be rewarded in any way for these efforts.

I feel like I am going mad, and it is just me sat there fighting his corner against the world. His words to me ' they are trying to kill me at school'.

That is an old psycology experiment - the dioving the class up. God - are you in the UK? I wuld have thought it was very unethical.

Yes I am!! So it isn't just me being an over-protective mother to think this is a little bizarre?? By the way, it wasn't my son trying to gain sympathy, he didn't even tell me. It was the mothers of 2 other children who alerted me to it.

Sorry I haven't read your previous threads but would be absolutely fuming about both of the incidents mentioned here. Am I right in thiking that your son might be only 6? The good/bad experiment mentioned is a standard psychological one but I have NEVER heard of it being used on children that young. I did is as an exercise as an adult - it was supposed to be for a day - and people got so upset and the situation was so fraught it had to be abandoned at lunch-time! What on earth kind of insight are children supposed to gain from this?

Re the playground incident, I think it is
a) completely wrong to be still punishing a child of that age for something which happened 2 weeks ago
b) completely unfair on the children who have been picked as your ds's playmate
c) completely wrong of the school not to keep you informed of what is happening!

Is his teacher very inexperienced?
The first incident you mentioned is absolutely appalling, and wrong is sooooo many ways.
The second one is extremely strange, and sends mixed messages, IMO. Your DS needs to know that he can't kick, but a two week punishment is excessive - and getting him to choose a friend to stay with him makes it fun, so what message is the school trying to give?
Is this a question of under-staffing masqueraing as some half-assed punishment theory?
It's all dreadful, IMO, and I would put my objections in writing to the Headteacher, TBH.

No, not joking, and yes am in UK (someone on education board asked this question).
Thanks for the replies, not just me being madly over-protective of my little man then.

I suspect my son may be on the autistic spectrum, so maybe the keeping in is more helpful than I thought initially. I think it was just the shock of not knowing that really got to me, I just burst in to tears at the thought of my precious little person being deprived of this outside time. I'm sure the school now just see him as a little thug, but I get to see how great he can be if given the support he needs. I assumed because of School action/ IEP/ CAMHS being involved etc that they may discuss stuff like this with me. He was so happy to have someone on his side, I don't know why it took him so long to tell me, he must be so ashamed.

As for the good/ bad thing, the teacher totally denied doing it when I brought it up in front of the Head. But as I said quite a few children told their Mum's about it happening, my son was obviously too scared to. A number of children have also said to DS, in front of me, 'I don't want to play with him/ say hello to him' because he is in the naughty group. Feel like I am calling his teacher a liar though.

God, maybe this is just schools, and I have totally unrealistic expectations.

I am really surpirsed the school could think this was a bad idea...but I am also in the minorioty for thinking that is not a good idea to call a child naughty. I would mention this to the head.

I meant to say good idea...

I think it is bad idea.

Thanks for all your replies, it gives me the strength to carry on fighting his corner when I know I'm not just some deranged over-protective mother. I will admit to being a little bit overboard about him (I had v bad PND when he was born and have been pretty intense about him since I recovered), but in the end the school are wrong. It is a lovely school BTW, just think they aren't geared up for dealing with non-average children, and he has unfortunately come up against a pretty rubbish teacher. His reception teacher was great.
Thanks again.