Been offered deputy housemistress role

[ChildlessMum]

Been offered deputy housemistress role- it feels natural as I have no children and would want to spend more time with children. But hours are very, very long 7am-11pm- away from my friends and home.
My friends have small children who I am attatched to- I have a local job offer as a teacher and would get to see them every evening. Although teaching is very stressful the hours at the boarding school will be very, very long.

Would you be living a long way from where you currently live?
It sounds like a brilliant opportunity but it's up to you how highly you rate your career vs other aspects of your life. But remember children grow and change, they may spend loads of time with you now but that might change very quickly.

And congratulations :o

Congratulations!
I do t work at a boarding school, but am a parent and the houseparents I've met are brilliant!
The job of a deputy housemistress is a very rewarding and enjoyable one, though as you say, long hours. You will be surrounded by children you will grow to love and cry when they leave (as all parents do!) Staff build very close relationships with eachother as you all spend lots of time there. Most schools provide accommodation for houseparents, though I don't know of this applies to deputy houseparents, but you can find out.

Because you enjoy being around children, I'd say, your friend's children may not always see you in the evening when they get back from school as they get older, but in your job as houseparent, there will always be children around. Our current houseparents got very weepy when some of the old children came back to look for her on sports day.

I think you are perfectly matched for the role and wouldn't worry too much about your friends children. They will be happy for you and still see you during the long holidays that independents give, so that's something nice to look forward to as well.

IMO opinion this sort of role is only worth it if it is live-in and you get really decent accommodation.

DH was an Undertutor for a couple of years, but we had a beautiful house attached to the boarding house. It meant that on the long nights of duty we were still together. Also we had access to 3 meals a day for free and paid no bills at all. It wouldn't be worth it without all the live-in perks I don't think.

Thanks so much for the advice. I will only be a couple of hours away from 'home' but am so stuck- spent days thinking of this....had I not been so close to my friends' toddlers I would have taken this up in a second...to get a community and new friends...It is the physical stamina I am worried about...very long days......but then teaching is demanding at the best of times....I do take your point....kids grow up quickly....so perhaps even a year away is not bad with regular trips back....but as I am so childless! I have grown attached to seeing the toddlers....but as teaching is so demanding...may end up with just a couple of hours in the week...the decision making is killing me.....a decent career choice or just going for a safer option home...my health is rubbish in the last few days...your advice really helps...thanks

Look long term - you aren't going to be seeing your friends toddlers every evening as they grow up (indeed it doesn't seem sustainable even now!) - they will have play dates, after school activities, the parents may have work so they go to a childminder or nanny etc.

If you are single with no children yourself you should absolutely get out there and build a social circle with likeminded people in similar situations to yourself - you only have to read the threads here to see that friendship groups are constantly evolving.

Thanks so much for all the kind words. How fabulous you all are. Definitely housing included- but chosing between a 'normal' school job with long, long hours and dissection and this role I have not come across- never in a million years thought two good options would cause so much angst....
I need to decide very quickly as am exhausted with this toing and froing.....and my life is pretty bleak being childless...try to be busy, do tonnes in the world...was told as housemistress deputy,.....my achievements would come in handy....but am not sure I could change on a privacy level....am used to nine to five....

Also making a decision between two options that are very close...have tried flipping coins....writing pros and cons....every single discussion is leaving me in angst...as decision needs to be made asap...

thanks to the lovely ppl here who have given me support on a lonely day! Lots of love to you all who have helped. Thanks again....

Remember the long holidays (boarding schools tend to have longer holidays than state schools) - you could use this time to spend with friends and family, go on holiday and so on.

During term times what sort of time off would you get? IME boarding schools have to give residential staff at least 24 hours in a row off (as well as shorter amounts of time). Also, does the school have weekends mid-way through each half term where the children go home or to guardians for the weekend?

Ok, flip a coin, heads the house mistress, tails the teaching role.

As you reveal the coin, how do you feel?

Go with that gut feeling

I'd be tempted to say - give it a go, if you hate it leave!!!

The house children will become "your" children, you will love them/despair over them in equal measure! No more commuting, can hopefully save £££, and there will likely be a wonderful community to be part of.

My DD adored several of the house parents, one set went out to the states and she went over there to stay with them!

I agree lots of long holidays to keep in touch with current friends/families.

Yes, give it a go. Used to go to school which had boarders and some nice staff

You should take up this offer, when my children were small I worked as an evening housemistress and I really enjoyed it. You will get long holidays so can spend quality time with your friends at home, but working with young people all day is really rewarding - if not challenging at times. Although the hours are long, the children will be at school for a large part of the day, and work in the evenings tends to be making sure they are ok, spending time with them if they need it etc - it's pastoral, it's not like teaching 30 children in a classroom all day long, it's much less intense (most of the time !). At my school, residential housemistresses had two days off in a row, so still time to catch up with friends. I can recommend it. I went back to working daytimes when my children got a little older, my day work is completely different but much less rewarding. Good luck.

After your initial post my gut instinct was to tell you to go for it. Boarding schools tend to be friendly inclusive communities, you can still see your friends on exeat weekends and holidays and realistically once the toddlers all start pre school and school they will be tired in the evenings and their parents might want them to themselves if they haven't seen them all day.
But, without meaning to be rude you do sound very anxious so are you sure you are cut out for a residential role. They are exhausting and you need to be quite robust to cope with the angst and emotions not only of the children in your care but their parents.
If you tire easily and anxiety affects your health then possibly it isn't the right career path for you.
Can you chat it through with someone who knows you well and will be brutally honest and helpful?

Hmm... I also don't wish to be harsh but ... You sound very, negatively fixated on being childless. Lots of childless people are perfectly happy to be so. They don't consider their lives bleak at all.

And I'm not sure that, as someone sending a child to boarding school, I'd be happy to have them looked after by someone who was looking to the children in their care to fulfill a 'need' felt by the house parent.

Houseparents need masses of energy, a robust mental and physical constitution, flexibility and the ability to give their all to the children in their care, while cheerfully understanding that those children will move on relentlessly.

I'm sorry but I do think you should think carefully about this.