How can I get the school to give it a rest?!

[sis]

Warning - long post warning but I hope you will bear with me and help on this one.

Ds (aged five) came home from school on Monday this week with a note about a trip to a wildlife park on Thursday (yes, in the same week). Admittedly, we had been away on holiday (authorised by the school) the previous week - but because of the lack of notice, neither my husband or I could get the time off work to go on the trip with our son Thursday. Ds is a very, very timid child and the school have been great in helping build his confidence so that he is more sociable and not to terrified of things, however, he is still very scared of lions and tigers and in the past has had nightmares after watching them on the wildlife bits on cbeebies.

We decided that as ds has made such a lot of progress in his confidence; we did not want to 'set him back' by making him go on the trip when he said he did not want to go. The next day, I asked his teacher whether he should go to school or be kept at his childminder if he couldn't go on the trip and she asked why he might not go and I explained our reasoning. The teacher asked me to reconsider and said she could keep him in her group. Ds, however, was adamant that he did not want to go and as we a reservations about sending him, we decided to stick to the original plan.

On Wednesday, I got a call from the school deputy head to discuss the trip and she suggested that ds would be happier about going on the trip without us if we could take him to a similar place beforehand and I replied that I would be happy to do that but the trip was the next day. She then suggested that ds go on the trip but avoid going to any areas of the park that he was not comfortable with and assured me that they would make sure that this did not mean that any children who wanted to see the lions would miss out. I said that if ds was happy with that, then I would send him on the trip. The deputy head said she would discuss it with ds's class teacher and they would ask ds and let me know by either phoning me or putting a note in ds's bag.

When I got home, there had been no phone call and there was no note in ds's bag so I had to ask ds whether his teacher had talked to him about the trip and what the outcome was and worked out that he had said no their offer. I was a bit peeved at this stage as we were trying to downplay the whole thing with ds but because the school had not got back to me, I didn't know whether ds was going to the childminder or on the trip the next day, I had to talk to ds about it.

On Thursday morning (the day of the trip) I got a call from the head at school just as we were about to leave the house to tell me that ds was not going on the trip - she apologised for not phoning earlier but she had had a lot of calls to make.

Later on Thursday, the deputy head calls again to confirm the details of a meeting about a separate, unrelated matter that I had asked for and said she also wanted to discuss future school trips at the meeting and I replied that if we had been given enough notice about the trip then there would be no problem. I also pointed out that I had written to the head asked for more notice of school events as my husband had missed our son's first nativity because the school told us the date less than ten days before the event.

Today, when I dropped ds off at school I was given a letter by his teacher from the deputy head to confirm the meeting next week and in this letter she again mentioned the trip and asked us to go to the wildlife park (or a similar place) with ds this weekend.

So far:

1. Ds's class teacher has talked to me about the trip
2. The deputy head has phoned my to discuss the trip on Wednesday.
3. The deputy head has phoned me to discuss the trip on Thursday.
4. The deputy head has written to me about the trip today (Friday)

AND they want to discuss it again next week and I am fed up with it.

I am inclined to tell them that if we have enough notice and we feel it is appropriate to send ds then we will send ds on future trips but we will not do so otherwise. I know it is a bit rude to say that and I do want to keep relations with e school on a good footing but I am so fed up about them blowing up this small thing into a big issue that I am in danger of screaming at them to bloody well leave me alone!!

Thank you for reading this ? Please tell me if you think I am being unreasonable or not and, if not, what can I do to get the school to give it a rest now? please help!!

I know I kepp saying it, but thank you for your kindness, I really appreciate it - I feel like Gwynie at the Oscars now.

Jimjams, thanks for the recommendation, I will get the book as soon as I can - I think it will help as I feel a sudden loss of control and need to a better understanding in order to help ds. We are trying to sort out the OT - it depends on whether they will buy the neurological aspects over the developmental aspects. The doctor we saw yesterday gave me a form of words to use but wasn't too sure whether they would buy it but we will see. If not, I will see what the costs are and ask our GP to try and find out how long we would have to wait for an assessment with the NHS and decide where we go from there.

I think you should try not to worry too much (easier said than done I know). the school doctor couldn't find anything wrong. You - his mum - feel he is a bit shy and a bit on the clumsy side. You are probably right. Perhaps its not a good idea to start labelling him with "conditions". Some children are naturally a bit more sensitive and so a bit more fearful than others. I would think he will probably grow out of this. Perhaps you could get a second opinion from the neurologist the gp referred you to.

hugs sis. It must have been a huge shock for you. I hope your information gathering efforts make you feel more on top of things. I think you are very right to get more facts and read up on this.

It must be good new at least that the neurologist thinks your son can overcome this with the right OT. I hope you get it asap.

sorry to disagree with agy but for a condition like dyspraxia it is very important that it does get recognised and named. TBH the main problem with dyspraxia is when it isn't recognised. A lot can be done to help dyspraxia - the problem is it's subtle so often missed..... Recognising it is more than half the battle. And the earlier the better.

agy I know what you mean about 'labeling' such young children and although I was very emotional about it last night (what an understatement!), i think Jimjams is right. What I want most, is to ensure the best quality of life for my son - if that means he takes on the badge of dyspraxia in order for us to access help in building strategies to help him cope with life as he perceives it, then it is a small price to pay.

I have been concerned about the quality of his life because he does seem very anxious about things so in a way I am relieved to find that there is a cause for it and, more importantly, steps, other than the ones that we, as parents have already taken, can also be taken to help him so that in the long term he is happy and not confused.

I do take your point though Agy and will try to ensure that ds is not 'burdened' with the label but the diagnosis is used to help him in life.

I bet you will do that fantastically well, sis.

Remember - its not a label its a signpost!

Thanks Scummymummy. Jimjams, thanks for the reminder - you are so right, I want it to be a signpost for us and not a label for others to use for their convenience.

Having started this thread, I am now embarrassed because the school have bent over backwards to help ds and provide support for us as a family. They have done much more than I could have reasonably expected them to do.