Hey Teachers! FTWM to afford private? or SAHM to make up for local school failings?

[majorstress]

We aren't happy with the local anymore, really, and next year DD1 goes to juniors which is even worse, while DD2 starts infants. Having seen her work at the parent-teacher conference last week, it's clear that DD1 does not get enough attention in a class of 30, and anything she finds hard or boring she simply doesn't complete-and that is how it stays. Folders of mainly incomplete work except in one area, the one that she finds easy -I just get "but never mind she's amazing at X" whenever I say "but what about her (diminishing) Y skills".

Should I fork out for a school and leave it to the professionals, or give up work to become dds private tutor? I have the choice right now. Part-time working just isn't working for us.

My sister's children will sit 7+ entry to a priave school next year but they've been in one for 3 years which goes up to age 7 to prepare them for those 7 + tests. My second daughter entered her school at 7+ and was at a school which prepared them at 11 for exams we she and I and her father did lots of times tables practice at home, reading, spellings etc and she had a little bit of tutoring from someone who took her through past papers and she did fine.

In our area a lot of parents pay for private schools to 11+ and then sit the chidlren for the Bucks grammar schools or Watford Grammar or QE boys etc and if they don't pass for those state schools they then pay for secondary, where money is tight.

Thanks for all the very interesting comments. I have been looking after sick dd2 and dh lately so only just got a quick chance to look. It so hard to know what to do. I've only got one of the 3 prospectuses, that school is really beyond our budget if I am honest, unless we only send one kid of the 2 kids. dd2 is clearly more ao a knuckle-downer even at 4 and will be older when she starts anyway, but still seems unfair...I went in my last year of secondary to a private, and it made all the differnece to my life and career later on-achievement, challenge, confidence building. so it is tempting.

Except I still can't type.

I don't think it's fair to educate children differently. I think it would be better to have them both in a good state school than one private and one not.

You do what's right for each child i say, it doesn't matter if ones private and one state as long as they both get a decent education.

Haven't read every bit of this thread but have you considered kumon type extra coaching? We haven't tried it yet but are considering it. That may be a half way house approach.
Also does the school welcome parents into school to help? I've learned so much about my ds by helping out in his class (on art days etc) everything about his morale etc and abilities and the strenghths and wknesses of the school start to become clear when you spend a whole day there.
Until I helped out - my ds in his 'school persona' was, essentially a mystery to me!

H, not so sure. Why should one get nicer school, better teachers etc etc and be in that 7% who go to private school and th eothers not? I also think families where one child is sent to board and not the others a bit strange too.

I have offered to volunteer several times and they have even completed the Criminal Records check at their expense, but they seem too disorganised to call me (I am only available 2 days a week, after dropping dd2 at her nursery for the day). There seems very little use made of parent volunteers, they just use them to endlessly raise money for playground equipment (that never seems to appear) and to give away to charity events (that may not need it any more than they do!).

I have considered Kumon, though once when I asked about it on mumsnet last year got slated for hothousing, also decided it sounded tedious for her. I went for private tutoring for a few weeks, listened in while I cooked dinner, and she moved up to the top maths set. I decided I could do that myself with her, and now do. I think I will look at Kumon again now.

Tomorrow (Saturday) we are going to an independent school fair at Brent Cross, and the nearest independent school is having an open day next Thursday! There isn't another state primary nearby, but we will have to consider travelling if there is a better one-a shame since we moved here to be next to THIS school.

The main problem I have decided is that this school focuses on English and behaviour (no choice there) to the near exclusion of all else. But THIS child doesn't need that, AT ALL, as it happens. She needs something else and isn't getting it.

Have you asked for meet with class teacher and/or head to raise this? I think a good head would want to hear your perfectly valid concerns, particularly as you are scientists, that the schools is not meeting a valid expectation. I would let the Hd know about all of this and be open and see what she/he says (if you haven't already done so!)
Also, your daughter may love the kumon thing if she really clicks with the teacher and enjoys the other kids there. I think that inspiring children is often just great luck in finding an adult that looks at them and sees their potential and fires it.
My ds had a wonderful male pre-school keyworker who he adored. Also his reception teacher saw his particular strengths and really encouraged him.
His yr 1 teacher is about to retire, really likes the fast readers the best, and slow readers/writers like my ds increasingly feel demoralised. So I had a big chat with teacher and she's trying "new strategies" (!) to boost him and they are already working.
It would be great to give this school a real chance to do its best for your child before you give up on it; then if they fail - it's their loss really!

Message withdrawn

You're right ipanemagirl, I also now realised I should speak to the head who is new this year anyway. To her credit she has just introduced G and T which the previous head disapproved of, I recently discovered (from an annoyed mum now in Senior and Juniors, who helps with the G and T club there). I think that would have helped my dd, and us to know what was going on with her. I think the class teacher is trying really hard, it's really last year that things began to go awry without us realising. The other thing is I have my other dd who will go there to Reception next year (since we haven't signed her up anywhere else, idiots), and she is also well behaved and bright-surely the sort of kid they want more of.
gotta go now...Thanks!!

Good luck majorstress, the G&T thing is really coming on this year in our school (i'm a parent gov on the curriculum comm so I've heard lots about it). It surprises me how small changes can sometimes make a big difference for a child.

That's not to say that the private option is any less valid. I just feel if you've invested in that place, maybe it's worth one last shot before the heart ache and upheaval for you all of changing school.

The more open and honest I've been with my ds's school - the better it's got for him. Through being a pgov I feel I've happened to learn how to talk to the school in such a positive and supportive way that they don't feel undermined (like they do with most of the community from the government downwards!).

Sorry to go on - it's just I feel such great affection for these schools and how hard they are often trying to do their best against a society which often treats them as if they're doing their worst!

The newspaper today say 10% of sixthformers are private educated but 7% of children overall and a Mori poll in 2001 found that 50% of parents would educate their children privately if they could afford it. (And Brighton college had parents in all week and 3 times usual number at its open day following the Brighton state school new lottery system).

It also says may be up to 34,000 children are now educated at home.

could the sixth form thing be because so many schools have lost sixth forms and students have to go to very large colleges, so the only way to have more personal A level education is to go to a private school.

Would be nice if more state schools had sixth forms

Well I made it to the Independent School Fair with dd1 in tow, nice people of course though the one I spoke to had a bit of a b in the bonnet about coed vs non. Not the main issue for us, I don't think we need to go private just over that (though some do I am sure). The other thing we don't want to go private over is all the lovely activities, wonderful as they might be.

I've got tough about homework and am amazed what a meal she is making-god give me strength. She seems to think it is optional if it is A) hard B) too easy ! I think she quietly daydreams through the less interesting lessons.

I think I know where you are coming from ipanemegirl, I went through a state system and did fine in the end, and I absolutely love that my kids are "colour-blind" and know so much about different people of every sort. I abhor racism and both I and DH are immigrants ourselves. I want the school to succeed and know that the whole commnity will benefit. But the down side is that this school is spending all its time and resources on literacy and Englsh as a second language, with great determination, imagination and I think success-but which a few children including mine not only don't need, it bores and prevents them doing other important things. This is a huge school with 3 classes in each year and a teacher and TA in each class. Surely they could also try to improve their dull and minimal Maths and Science teaching in line with the literacy.

In some bits of the country the private schools are more racially mixed than the state schools. We have some almost 90% asian state schools and mostly white others but the academic private schools like North London Collegiate, Habs boys, Merchant Taylors you will see a huge mix of races, often 50% Indian origin in a class for example because the entry is on academic merit not parents grouping themselves together by where they live. only 2 girls in my daughter's class at Haberdashers had 4 English born grandparents (and she was one of them).

I have belatedly realised that, Xenia, so that's another reason to look again at private schooling. My assumptions have been challenged by meeting families at the "posh" schools in the area and finding they are, well, nice, just as mixed as everyone else, and not exclusive or judgemental of us because of our income, faith, background.

The real issue is my child as an individual, and for us it is about learning as much as she can as the primary purpose of being there; the socialising is a valuable second thing that puts me off homeschooling (which I wouldn't like either due to lack of ability to teach children).

It may be unique around here. 18% of our London borough here is hindu and also it's reasonably prosperous whatever your background so some can afford private schools. But as you say it depends on the child and also if something will cripple a family financially then the disadvantage of that is not worth it.