Aibu to go for a promotion in a new school when I trying for an IVF baby

[eviloops]

Currently on a secondment in new school. Promotion has come up in new school and new head has asked me to apply; current head doesn't suspect a thing (been at current school for several years in leadership capacity). I like the new school, know the promotion is my ideal job and very manageable to fit around my life but new head has repeatedly told me she's exhausted of finding teacher replacements for maternity cover as she has had 6 teachers fall pregnant in the past 2 years (in a 2-form entry), and has jokingly said she'd only employ nuns from now on.

I'll be going through ivf shortly, therefore if I am successful, then I would go on mat leave within the first year of me commencing the new role.

AIBU in jumping at this terrific opportunity and earn slightly more, when I could well be pregnant soon? Or do I approach this more honestly and morally and be upfront? Or perhaps just put off applying altogether and stay put?

My gut is saying do it, my conscience is saying I'm being unreasonable to the poor headteacher.

I'm a grafter and have always given 110% to my workplace, where my family often take second priority to my job. Surely this is now time to think of my family and financial situation first for a change?

What would you do?

Poor headteacher my arse! If you were a man, realistically would trying IVF impact a decision applying for a job? I would suggest not...

Just do it, who knows what the future holds!!

Go for the job!! It's a great opportunity for you, and as you said, a little more money too which is perfect for hopefully having a baby. Good luck with the IVF

If the IVF isn't successful AND you have forgone the chance of career progression you will be doubly sad.

Good luck with both!

Do it. If you decided to try for a baby through sex, would you tell everyone? I've been there. Go for it. With luck you are successful with both. You don't want to look back and regret taking the chance.

Go for it. None of us know what the future holds and of course I wish you every success with IVF. But take all the opportunities life brings to you. Good luck with the job!

Just do it - it may work, it may nit but don't hold back your career either way.

Wow! What a positive and uplifting bunch you are; sincerely thank you for being so encouraging about this. You all confirm my own thoughts but with a little motivation, I think I'm going to do it.

Thanks for your kind responses.

I would and more than anything good luck with the ivf

The IVF is not relevant; it's the trying for a baby that's relevant. Think about transfer of benefits - if it's an academy then it classes as a new employer and you won't qualify for maternity pay. Can you afford maternity leave on smp only?

Would having IVF treatment require having much time off work for medical appointments?

Do it. If that's the job you want, apply, apply, apply.

Good luck with the job and ivf 💐

Please please do it. I stayed in a job I hate for five years whilst trying to get pregnant, IVF etc because of the amazing Mat leave. If I'd left I'd still be quids in as I've effectively stayed the same where as if I'd left I would earn a lot more (the type of work I'm in doesn't do inhouse promotions or pay rises - you have to leave to get them). Best of luck whatever you decide

One of the happy 'downsides' of teaching is that ideally, teachers like children, so tend to want have their own!

My Dad was a headmaster and it was one of the known challenges of that work - same with midwives, people working in children's book publishing etc.

Just go for it and all can be resolved later as you don't know how long it might take. Good luck!

Go for it but consider if there's any additional pressure or workload that might affect the chances of the IVF being successful

It would also mean you return from maternity leave on the next rung of the ladder

Definitely go for it. IVF is not a guarantee of a pregnancy, it took me 4 goes! Push on in your career and do other things that make you happy too-putting your life on hold will make IVF even more of a big deal than it already is and you will resent it all the more.

No man would ever have to worry about this stuff.

Good luck with everything

I agree you should go for it. I stayed in my old job for 3 years because we were TTC with no luck at all. New company approached me about a job, I was actually up front about our IUI plans and they gave me the job anyway (I wouldn't recommend you do this given the attitude of the head). Started job 1 November, got pregnant on our first IUI cycle end November. Unfortunately it ended in a miscarriage this week. So basically you just never know. My opinion now is that I'm not going to put my life on hold any longer for something that may or may not happen (although I am remaining positive that it's all going to work out). When if does happen, I'll them have a baby and a great job, which is great!

Greaterthan - thank you for your response and sending you big cuddles as you go through this tough time. It's not easy and no words will change things but use the positive advice in his thread and keep moving forward. Thinking of you and big hugs.

.... the other caveat I failed to mention, which I suppose could make matters worse, is I'm in a same-sex marriage, which I'm open about, meaning if I fall pregnant, it didn't happen by chance - which could make the head even more grrr!

I suppose the bottom line is that we need to be loyal, first and foremost, to our partner and family; work comes second.

PotteringAlong - your advice re academies is useful - yes it is an academy; recently joined a year ago. Do you know who I could approach to require about this? My current school isn't an academy, yet new school is and new school is in a neighbouring borough so will mean I'll be moving Local authorities too..... I stupidly assumed as I will be remaining in employment through a LA school, that my teacher MP wouldn't be effected? Perhaps my union could advise.....

Thanks for great responses so far...

The sex of your partner is irrelevant. Good luck on the new job and with the IVF.

If your current school isn't an academy and the new school is then you are changing employers and your maternity benefits will not carry over. It's a whole new world moving from the LA to an academy! Look at the new school website and see if their maternity policy is on there; that will tell you how long you will need to work got to qualify for maternity pay and also what their package is - remember as an academy they can offer whatever they like to new staff, although most follow the burgundy book.

Also you're partner would qualify for maternity as well?

We were broke when we had our DC - and you manage because you have too - something's are more important - don't put your life on hold with what ifs - go for the job and hopefully you'll have a new baby next year - good luck