WWYD -ds classmate has told him he can turn Christian

[Nummynums]

Sorry if this is in the wrong place.

DS (6) told me that a Muslim girl in his class told him that if he lets 'Sarah' touch him, he will become Christian.

We are Muslim but it's not something I talk to ds about as he's too young to worry about religion etc. i have grown up in a segregated community and I know these racist attitudes are rife and therefore did not want my ds attending the all Muslim/Asian school as I know from the parents that these views are acceptable. So I sent him to the lovely, diverse independent school.

The Muslim girl in question made comments last year which I was uncomfortable with as I hadn't even told DS he is Muslim etc, I hadn't even introduced religion to him. She said "we're Muslim, so and so is Hindu" this really pissed me off at the time as this is not how I would teach religion to my child. Religion is about belief in god not about what others are doing if that makes sense?

I know the side effect of having religions etc is this kind of divide but I feel these attitudes are actually taught rather than natural consequence if that makes sense. I feel a lot of Muslims from these segregated communities actually promotes further segregation my spreading these horrid myths.

Obviously I had an hour long RE lesson with DS about how he can't 'catch' Christian and that Christians are good people and non religious people are good people and how many Muslims are bad like the girl who punched him last week.

I am not sure what to do, I will be speaking to the head as I thought I did well to get away from these attitudes by sending him to a 'nice' school I don't really want another child corrupting my innocent little boy if that makes sense especially in the current climate where there is a lot of extremism going on.

Just really confused don't know if I'm overreacting but I'm seriously pissed off that another child has said this to my sweet, inclusive DS and I had to convince him it was bollocks.

Sorry the reason I say this is racist his cos the girl who he plays with is white British and I don't like how it is assumed she is Christian just because she 'looks' Christian and that it was said in a negative way. I said my son, "so what if she touches you, what's wrong with turning Christian...not that you can turn Christian" arrgh

Oops sorry have just realised I have posted this in relationships

I think you need to talk to the school as this girl is clearly bullying 'Sarah' by using religion as a means of exclusion.

I think you may be overly worried about the influence this girl will wield over your son, though.

TBH it's not nice but it's a good thing this has come up because you can do as you have and discuss it and educate him as to your beliefs. It gives you both a chance to revisit his understanding and build on it.

We can protect our kids from opposing or uneducated pints of view, the best we can do is to give them the skills and knowledge they need to be able to deal as effectively as possible with differing views.

We had similar issues in junior and infant school as I'm a Humanist and there were a number of Christian children who saw anyone who wasn't as problematic or lesser. My DD wanted to know more about Christianity as a result so we talked and I took her to church to see if that's something she believed in and help her find her beliefs.

For what it's worth I applaud you for having had the chat and for raising this with the school so they can deal with it sensitively there for the sake of those children who don't have such wonderful parents

Thanks for your reply! I am worried as what if he didn't tell me and internalised this attitude. 'Sarah' is a friend of his and I really think it's influenced him to see the difference if that makes sense. I feel this Muslim girl has got close to DS by using the whole "us Muslims stick together" and then influencing these thoughts, rather than a friendship based on merit if that makes sense? I do hope you're right

I think you've handled it exactly right - by reinforcing your own values, using it as a teaching opportunity and talking to the school.

As a teacher, I would always prefer that parents spoke to me about any issues first rather than going straight to the head, but I'm splitting hairs really as you obviously feel strongly about it.

The reason I would have suggested going to the class teacher first is because she knows the children best. She will know whether there was a sinister element to what the little girl said, or whether there's currently a 'catching' game being played. I remember my class having a phase of this - not with religion, but 'if a girl touches you, you'll turn into a girl'.

But it will be taken seriously and dealt with appropriately, although you may not get to hear about the course of action they choose to take.

Joysmum thanks for that. He is quite familiar with Christians which Is why I'm annoyed he ' believed' this girl and her negativity. I don't know the mum very well but she is very friendly towards all the parents, overly friendly and pretentious in my opinion but I put it down to wanting to appear 'normal' and not extreme but then part of me questions if this is a front and at home some strange things are being said, maybe by other members of the family and the mum is unaware. It's nothing personal to her I just want to protect my little boy and don't want him to become like so many of the kids I grew up with where anything remotely western is evil etc. White people are evil blah blah

Its so so difficult, your children are like sponges especially where patents are concerned...you sound very level headed and inclusive dont forgot how strongly that will influence your DS. Im white but raised fairly secular..i went to primary which a fanatic christian about 20 years ago, when i said i didnt believe in god she would bully me saying god would kill me because i didnt believe in god. ...my mum spoke to the head in the end after id had enough and decked her ...he came in class and gave quite a knowing soeech about how all beliefs are valid etc, if youre concerned have a word definitely.

*speech

Ohh Happy you're right. I think because the head was my ds' a class teacher last year and I figure she knows the kids quite well due to that. The other girl is in a different class so I'm assuming this happened at playtime

Gosh halfshell yes exactly that, I went to a predominately Asian/Muslim school where these sorts of things were normal but no child that was different had to be on the receiving end. There was a lot of sectarianism though as is the case with the same children who are now adults. I guess with my own awareness being on the 'inside' as it were I don't want him exposed to what I'm exposed to but I guess I turned out ok because my parents had non Muslim friends and didn't promote this crap. I suppose my worry is if he actually say that to the little girl and hurt her feelings and then it will turn a lot bigger as we are Muslim and it will seem we promote these views as it's not unheard of in this day and age.

Yeah you handled the situation really well, its usually parents views who cause issues in diverse schools. I would speak to the teacher re: your worry so playing devils advocate , if you speak to the teacher forst you cant be accused of pushing those views.

I would certainly speak to the teacher, I had a similar situation in my dd's (predominantly Muslim) school, where it was assumed that she was Christian because she was white. Because of where we are and the school we are in, when I mentioned it to the class teacher they were all over it big style, bam!, knocking it on the head. Talking to the class, educating everyone, as well as talking to the girls in question. In my case, they talked to the parents of the girls too, and the parents were mortified. They came to me and apologised saying that they didn't bring their daughters up that way etc etc and the opinions were not ones that came from the home. I wasn't even that bothered...in my eyes the incident was not a bullying one.
So it may not come from her parents at all. It may simply be a child who happens to be Muslim picking on another child who she wants to exclude.

I think you did well though, keep talking to him and he will turn out fine.

At that age they are still trying to figure out what makes some people Muslim/Christian/Hindu/boys/girls/brown/white and mixing those up with the traditional childhood games of catching cooties/the lurgy. The teacher can help explain and clamp down on anything approaching bullying, even though it's probably unintentional.
Ds's class had huge rows over religion in Reception - similar numbers of non-believers, Muslims and Christians of various types, and some kids going home and telling their devout parents that God/Allah doesn't exist because X says it's just a story and X knows everything... By the end of the year they were pretty accepting if everyone's families believing different things.
By Y1 the big arguments were over who brings Christmas presents...

Thanks so much for the replies, I spoke to the teacher who said she was glad I mentioned it and they'll do something in RE lessons etc so I'm glad I've got it off my chest, feel much better now. Thanks everyone x