Not happy at school in Y1

[itsallabitpetetong]

I'm looking for some advice. My 5 year old is really unhappy at school. Lots of tears (mostly during the school day) plus has now started to claim illness in order to try get out of going.

He is struggling with the work he is being given & does refuse to do it in class (which we know is not great behaviour!). His dad & I are doing all we can to support him & reinforce school's message at home but he is still desperately miserable. Any advice on how we can help our boy? He shouldn't be feeling like this at 5!

Home or private schooling is sadly not an option as we both have to work to keep a roof over our heads.

I think it's a big year of change. No more free play, very much more structured. Friendships change. I would try and work out if it's just the work or friendships as well. If the latter there are things you can do to help.

With the work, one of mine had very poor focus/concentration. We tried to play longer board games, just to practice getting her to focus for longer. Helped with the maths at home, so it became quicker and easier at school. Got her writing shopping lists, christmas lists - to try and get her writing a bit speedier as she very reluctant with writing and would sit there just staring at the page doing nothing.

The teacher helped mine by ensuring she'd listened to the instructions (she very often missed them). They gave her a stuffed toy to stroke at carpet time. Just gave her slightly more attention. Paired her up with people she could form friendships with. So worth speaking to the teacher if you can I think.

Socially, if you can get him in, cubs is good for forming friendships. About a quarter of the class go to ours - it's just fun and they have time out of school to bond with people. Inviting people round is another thing. Difficult when you're working but I've found a lot of people enjoy a break from their dc for a couple of hours on Sunday afternoon. Some dc manage to make friends really easily, naturally but others need a lot of encouragement/support.

But largely they do get used to it, it's just a matter of time. Mine was probably one of the worst to get used to it (I was asking the teacher if she thought there were SEN), but a few years down the line she's absolutely fine, doing really well. I think she was just greatly saddened about the loss of free play and not ready for the work.

Thank you for your response- it's the work. He is really lucky & has quite a close knit group of friends that all love each other dearly in that way only 5 year olds can.

We have spoken with school which is why we have been trying to follow a similar reward system etc at home but it has probably got worse since doing that. I just feel at the end of my tether as it doesn't seem to be going in with him & sad that he is only 5 & I am sending him somewhere that makes him miserable 5 days a week!

It's hard as a parent I think to see them struggle. But it's all learning - they have to get past this stage to progress. I don't think you can protect them from it. Just try and help them cope. Practise the work at home so that it comes easier to him if he's amenable. If not, devise subtle ways to help him practise - games, writing cards out, shopping lists. Using maths in everyday life whilst shopping, counting money etc.

Any other school is going to want the same from him I think. But I would say mine significantly improved when their writing developed and it became less of a chore to get their thoughts down on paper.

I've never really had much success with reward systems. I think we've had more success with trying to make the work more enjoyable. Maths puzzles together, silly writing games. Reading books they really like - for us about animals, astronomy, even the Guinness Book of Records. Just getting them interested in things.

But honestly, mine was one of the worst for settling in year 1. Then went on to get all level 3's in her sats in year 2. It's really a lot about maturing I think and just accepting you've got to knuckle down now. I think sometimes it's a bit of a protest against it and really some of them are just not ready for it. But the system is such that they've got to keep going.

Hopefully someone with actual educational experience will advise you better. That's just my take.

What is he struggling with? Numbers, literacy?
It maybe better to re-post in Primary Education, there are a lot of KS1 teachers and parents there.

Have the school reviewed whether he's in the right ability set? Do they think he is capable of the work? The school should have various methods of encouragement, ie being put on a smiley face for good work/behaviour, being allowed the show the head his work etc.

With regards how you can help him, as said above, try incorporating what he's doing at school in everyday life. Asking him if he can work how how many you've got of something, get him to write a short shopping list for you. Maybe he can draw something with numbers, words on to help you remember things for Christmas. Any fun number of literacy games you can find - maybe Santa can come up with something for his xmas stocking. Reading is meant to be a great way of helping with literacy. Don't read anything too detailed, choose something where they are words he might pick out and recognize.

Thank you for the replies. His struggles are mainly writing & reading. Numbers less so, as he can grasp those concepts much more quickly. He also (mainly) struggles with concentrating, listening & sitting still.

We do try to surreptitiously do work at home with him, but when he is taking himself off to bed in the morning because he is 'ill' rather than go to school, I feel bad for him that he is so unhappy to be there. I think his personality doesn't help as he will just cry constantly rather than put the effort in to work & the teacher has told me he is wasting her time.

the teacher has told me he is wasting her time.

What an attitude. Your poor son. It sounds as though he needs a whole lot of positive attention to build his confidence and make him believe that learning can be fun.

I would ask for a meeting with the teacher at a time when your son is not there (or can sit in another room ) and agree on some strategies to improve things. What is the reward system that they have been using? My DD2 is also Y1 and went through a period at the start of term where she was really reluctant to read at home or do writing. She said it was too hard and would give up, despite being at expected levels. I continued to insist that she read every day as normal, but I let her go back to the very easiest reading books so that she was able to succeed and gain confidence. It really worked for her.

Sorry to hear about yr DS. Mine was exactly the same in reception and year one and had to be pulled in through the door every morning by the TA. The school said it was his immature attitude, wouldn't listen, couldn't concentrate, poor motor skills etc. that was the problem and that changing class or school wd not help because he would just take his problems with him. We were lucky to be able to afford an independent school and he moved for the beginning of year 2. Despite the 30 min car journey, he loved the new sch with its tiny classes and less stressed teachers. He was an absolutely changed child from the very first day and I wished he had give to this school from the beginning. I would suggest you persevere with everything you are doing and if there's no improvement, consider a change of sch if it's at all possible. Wishing you well

Thanks for taking the time to reply or provide suggestions. We will persevere with trying to make learning fun for him & build up his confidence at home.
I just wish school were better communicators, but I don't think that will happen any time soon & I do appreciate they are busy & do have 29 other kids in the class.

My DS sounds as if he is not alone which is sad that the system just doesn't work for so many dc's out there. We looked at Steiner as an option but it's just that bit more than we can afford. Have to hope we win the lottery or something!