Settling in at academic London day school

[albertschoice]

Help! Looking for some input from those who have gone before. We comfortably got into girls academic London Day ( by that I mean we had offers from the main academic schools so didn't get in by skin of teeth) but now finding it hard to get through the homework and so already it's school, then homework, then bed. They set 3-4 pieces a night with some unrealistic time estimates (eg it might be 25 mins, 30, 10, 15) and we are finding it's taking vast majority of evening). She enjoys an instrument and sport and I want her to be able to keep enjoying these. We are not in terribly happy space right now and after all the effort of 11+ this is not what I imagined.

Historically not good at managing time, prone to perfecting things so there are areas of improvement required. Did you find it settled down and your DD self learned or should I be seeking help sooner rather than later.

DS is at a similarly academic school, and I remember him telling me that it took him most of the first term to get to grips with his homework management, and that was at 14!

You do have to be super-organised, but once you have it cracked it sets you up for life. A lot of it hinges around time management, and identifying blocks of time during which work can be done.
Is there anyway she can get some of the work done at school during the day, for example?

excepting that I have a ds and not a dd I could have written the exact post

we were really sure we had chosen the right school for him and he passed easily - just missing a scholarship. And? the first 2 weeks have been very difficult. After coasting for the 2nd and 3rd terms of Y6 (at a prep) - he has been absolutely snowed under by homework. We feel slightly cheated as all the talk at open days was of a rounded education and trying out all the extra curricular activities. But when he's crying into homework at 8.30 at night it all seems a sham.

That said, we are trying to see the wood for the trees. He has to learn that not all homework has to be done the night it is handed out, and that he needs to focus for an hour rather than faff around for 2.

Overall he is happy I think - settling well, making friends and trying out the clubs - but in my heart I do wonder if the less selective school 10 minutes up the road wouldn't have been a better choice. I'll never know.

should add that we have found it helpful talking to other parents at the rugby matches - there are some who came up through the junior school and had some reassuring perspectives on homework and deadlines....

My DC has just gone into Y8 having found Y7 a strain in all sorts of ways - homework; being organised (not), friends, finding her way round school, how to revise etc. Her school is prob fairly similar to OP's and the work was definitely front loaded into this term. Some of the children cope better with the change to senior school than others for all sorts of reasons. By the end of the year, I told mine that if she really hated Y8 by some point in this term, I'd move her but thankfully I think things are settling down. It's a really difficult time for them - I wouldn't go back to being that age again!

ablertschoice, my own DD went from a state primary to a selective, private girls' school in London. The first 6 weeks were a shock.

At her state primary she had very little homework. When she did get homework, she made a real meal of it, doing it to absolute perfection.

This mind set, coupled with nightly homework made life difficult the first term. Additionally, she had two MFL and Latin which involve quite of bit of rote memorisation, something she was never asked to do at her state primary aside from learning her times tables.

To get her over this challenge, we gave her a LOT of support till the October half term. Every night we asked her what homework she had and when it was due. I sat with her and helped her memorise vocabulary words for all three language classes. I showed her how it is done and did with her. Luckily I am fluent in French and Spanish and could help her ear adjust to the sounds. Being from a state primary, the majority of kids being from prep schools were ahead of her in Latin and French which dented her confidence. When she had open ended projects (essays, drawing, making things) we assured her when things were "good enough" and encouraged her to consider things finished and to stop.

After the October break, she no longer wanted my help with languages (I was pretty sick of language homework 4 nights a week myself, after all, I wasn't in school!) She also now realised when things were "good enough" and it was time to move on. I still asked what homework she had, when it was due, and what her game plan was for getting everything in on time.

After Christmas, we just left her to it, unless she came to us on the odd occasion asking for help.

By year 8, we have butted out entirely.

I suppose some people might criticise that we were "helicopter parenting" and think it was a bit weak to support her like that. But, I think all kids need parents to help them with the "soft skills." In DD's case, it was a new and radically different environment that she was not prepared for by her state primary. So, we model the behaviour and strategies that she would need to flourish and held her hand until she was ready. Looking back, it only took 4 months of involvement from us, and now she is confident in her ability to manage herself.

wouldn't mind keeping this thread going for support - having said dd was doing OK, there've been some major wobbles in the past couple of days owing to homework overload, plus bitchiness from girls she was at primary school with suddenly turning cold . Keep telling her (and me) it's a long haul but to all of you out there

Son is at a superselective in Cambridge with similar amounts of HW. However school has now issued an edict basically saying that if a homework is supposed to be completed in 30 minutes the child must stop at 40 minutes and the parent can annotate the work to say this is the case.

MOst homeworks are for the next session but if the child has a sporting/musical/drama event if the teacher is told at the time of setting the homework the child is given an extension.

If your child is genuinely struggling to finish in the time allotted it may be worth having a word with the teacher and it is quite possible that others are struggling too.

Op i'm sure your DD won't be the only one struggling to adjust to the workload and organisation needed- get her to speak to her form tutor for direction and reassurance. The problem with the super selectives in London are that so many children are the products of very ambitious parents. It can feel like a very big and daunting pond. Im sure she'll find a pattern of working and limiting time spent on homework (good enough will do, it's a 7 year jog rather than a sprint). I do worry a bit about the happiness of children attending these schools.

It might just be a matter of the teachers not getting their heads around the homework timetable yet? The vast majority of schools have a clear timetable for which nights homework should be set and how long it should take, so that students, especially in Year 7, shouldn't be overloaded. Lots of schools, for no apparent reason, don't issue the homework timetable immediately, so it may be the students have uneven amounts of homework for the first couple of weeks before the appropriate planning kicks in. I wouldn't panic just yet - and if it continues, contact the Head of Year to raise your concerns.

Sorry if I missed it but how old are the kids and how long is your commute? DS has about 1.5hrs of homework (13+ year) and still does clubs. It's just being very organized. Super schools do like to see kids with outside interests and 'passions'

Havent read all the posts but my heart went out to you ... that was my DC in year 7 - and now finding y 9 homework easy with plenty of time for other interests..... I think the first few weeks are a real shock and I was v annoyed with our school for NOT giving first few weeks home work free - or just English/Maths - which is what lots of other schools do, recognising the huge demands of just being in year 7 and adjusting for those first few weeks. They are knackered and havent a clue - but I promise you it does come! Just don't plan anything too tiring for Autumn half-term - they are all wrecks by then in year 7. I do however think schools could do more in terms of coaching kids around HOW to do homework as I feel they learn themselves how much time to invest/how to write an essay rather than having much guidance and debate about approaches.