DS1 in reception - refuses to read

[Eve]

DS1 started in reception in October this year (he is a July birthday to one of the youngest) but he is reasonably bright and is coping well with everything apart from his reading.

Whenever I produce his reading book or his words he squirms, makes up excuses, says I'm stupid, I can't do it....everything to avoid reading. We have always read to him, he enjoys books, enjoys stories....but just doesn't seem to want to read.

I think it is because he doesn't want to have to concentrate....but he can concentrate well if he is drawing or doing something he likes. Or it may be that he doesn't like not being able to doing something without trying.

I have talked to his teacher lots of times about it, she says don't worry, just continue reading stories and enjoy books together which I do.

....but his behavious to avoid reading is really irriatates me and I end of getting cross.

Anyone else had reading problems?

Eve, we haven't been through this, but I would be tempted to try and make a complete clean break, especially if his teacher is fine about it. Just put away the 'school reading book' and ignore it for the rest of this term. But stress to him that when he is 5, when he starts in yr1 in September, he will have to read every morning (or every evening) for 5 minutes. (Maybe at the time star chart - sticker every night for reading with no fuss means a small reward on Saturdays?)

In the meantime continue reading stories together, and try and build his confidence by getting him to 'read the words' of his favourite stories, or point out rhyming words in the books, or spot some easy words.

With his 'words to practice', again try and do something completely different. Copy the words out onto small pieces of cards and do two sets. Then play memory with them. Or write them out very large and stick them around the dining room where he has his breakfast. Print the words out quite large in a long thin list, then fold it up concertina shape. If he reads the whole list, he gets to zoom around the room pinging the spring of words. (I know it sounds bizarre but my ds2 loves it!) Instead of reading at bedtime have a 'games time', but do one of the many vaguely literacy-type letter/word recognition games. And make it fun. If you don't have anything like this, I could suggest some things.

I think it is important in the longrun to have a set reading time, with no fight or discussion needed. Very occasionally my boys will object to having to read, but they know it's non-negotiable, and don't protest for long. But I think maybe you need to back off a bit before you can get to that point.

Sorry this is a bit long - hope something helps you.

Please don't get cross. Remember in lots of other countries they don't even try to teach children to read until six or seven. Lots and lots of children aren't ready until then - and the thing is, at that age, they pick it up so easily that they are just as good at reading as earlier readers within a very short time - and more importantly, they don't associate reading with struggling and a sense of failure. Please listen to your son's teacher - she's seen hundreds of kids and she's not concerned. You say he loves books - if you carry on like this he won't love them and may even turn into one of the many boys who simply never read for pleasure. Carry on reading to him and telling him stories. Forget all about teaching him to read - that's his teacher's job. He is only very little.

Sorry - keep having more ideas. There are lots of valuable 'book' skills you can do, other than simply read. Talk about authors ... search on Google and write to one via their agent. Just look at the pictures and tell the story in your own words. Read the story half way and get him to predict what happens next.

Another fab resource are books where there is a section for the adult to read, and a very simple section for the child to read. Have you come across these? Usborne Apple Tree Farm Stories are like this ... If you haven't got a copy, I will happily send you ours for postage cost only, as we've finished with it. Also Ladybird Puddlelane story books are fab. They are out of print now, but you can pick them up very cheaply on Ebay. Stage 1 are blue, and they are brilliant for building confidence. Unfortunately I've just given mine away otherwise I'd offer you those too.

He is still very young, so try very hard not to worry and not to get cross with him. I know it's difficult. And just concentrate on having fun with books and reading.

Hi, Eve. Agree with your teacher and roisin and aloha. It really isn't worth getting into a battle over, which could cause more confrontations in the future. He is still only 4, he doesn't need to read yet and as his teacher is unconcerned I would follow her lead.

Do you know who will be his teacher in Y1? Is she/he likely to be as laid back as this one? If so then you can let the relaxed approach go on even longer - if not then you can start geeing him up a bit, but gently, a couple of weeks before he goes back to school in Sept, something like "now you're going to be in Y1 soon and your teacher will want you to try a bit harder with reading".

FWIW, my DD1 who started Reception in January (years ago!) aged 4.9, struggled with reading until towards the end of Y1 (I used to get impatient too, reading at home got very stressful and made her anxious, I look back now and feel awful). It took off when she was about 6.2, and by the time she was 7 she would get lost in eg Narnia books. She had a measured reading age at about 7.2 of about 10.9 (IIRC). Reading at 4 is just not that important!

Ooooh, roisin, Puddle Lane...there is a BBC reporter called somebody Catchaside (?) and the name always makes me think of Tim and Tess Catchamouse! Used to love those. Did you ever see it on the telly? - it would have been before you had kids - Neil Innes (Bonzo Dog Doodah Band) played the wizard.

Ours are all long gone too I'm afraid, Eve, but we enjoyed them a lot!

No, I never saw it on TV Janh. Too old to have seen it myself, and too young for my kids to have seen it. We just came across the books by accident, and the boys just loved them.

Hi,

I'm a teacher ad have to agree with all the others here that there is no need to worry.
Just let him have fun with books and reading he'll get there in his own time.
I used to teach Y1 and had loads of parents who pushed their children so much so that they would move up a level in reading. It made the children involved really see reading as a chore and not something they enjoyed.

Right now have fun with books etc, go to a bookshop/library and let him choose some books for himself. Have you heard of Leapfrog. They do interaactive books and seem fab. I have only played on them in ELC. My dd is only 8mnths old but I can't wait till she's older to see if she likes these.

Email me if you have any more questions on this.
Don't worry.

Eve I really hope this helps you but my ds is exactly the same about reading and now in year 1, we are also experiencing bad behaviour at school as well which in turn he had to see an Education phsy and child phsy. This is not unusual for younger children we were told as they see this as an end to their younger childhood. Their world changes when they can read and some children dont want to move on yet. My ds told the phsy that he would learn to read when he is 100. larsxx

Ny dd 5 is in reception and has taken ages to get reading she is my youngest so am a ridiculously laid back mum in her case. She got so cross because she memorised books and said she could read. She once threw one across the class in a fit of temper as the teacher said she couldnt read.

I have been very hands off about this but still read to her most nights and get my ds8 to read to her adn mydd9 as well. She is now starting to read and really enjoying it. She also put a little poem on my pillow which she had written off her own bat the other night which said "Mum I love yu sow I carnt help it." (Sorry proud bit there)

She has done this on her own I have never pushed her adn this was in the face of comment from her teacher about her attitude. I suppose as she is the third they were all really different and my son is dyslexic so still struggles. Kids all learn at different paces and aloha is right we start far too young in this country imo.

My DD is also 5 and in reception. She's only just begininning to read and there is no way she will know all of the words that they are "supposed" to know at the end of reception. I'm not worried about it as I know she'll get there in her own time and she enjoys being read to - I'm being called to read Narnia at the moment! I think your DS's avoidance of reading is just simply because he finds it hard at the moment - once he gets the hang of it I'm sure he'll be fine.

Janh

Fab advice - I've just come from the 'ORT thread' where most of the mums there have children doing exceptionally well at reading - your comments put my mind at rest...

Eve - don't worry - my son was similar for a while until I just pulled back completely and bought some differnet books - eg Ladybird etc and he now asks if he can do 'his books'. I think there is loads of parental pressure to have your 4 year old reading as this seems like some sort of yardstick to how well they are doing. My ds (5 in June) loves imaginative play (generally battle scenes with his playmobil men!) and he also likes to pratice writing - perhaps you dd is keener on these sort of things too.

ds was quite adamant that he didn't want to learn to read until we got to the bottom of the problem which was he thought if he started to read we would stop reading to him. He seemed to recognise that he would not be able to satisfy his thirst for knowledge and his imagination on his own.

However he started ORT at the equivalent of Year One and has pretty much completed level 6, even only having one book a week. He also loves the tie-in Magic Key comic. Both mine love the Usborne Apple Tree Farm series. We have it on CD and other story tapes with books which encourage them to follow it on the page too.

Don't despair it will happen !

Eve

Hope this will help. My dd started school at 4 -July birthday. Definitely too young, looking back. She simply wasn't ready to read and never got anywhere until the end of reception. She is now 9 and is devouring Jaqueline Wilson books !!

It has taken until now for her to really enjoy reading on her own. She read with me for quite a long time. Aloha is so right - they can associate it with struggle and failure if the *** government will insist on guidelines, forcing teachers to make them do things they aren't ready for. In the old days the teacher would have used her discretion and started him on pre-reading skills.

Children do things when they are good and ready. My belief is that they are often behind the syllabus because they are only 4 and there's too much push and shove in the syllabus anyway. Rant ! Sorry. I wish we had the continental system over here.

I agree with everyone else that pushing and getting cross is a recipe for trouble (difficult I know). It's hard not to be anxious if other children seem to be doing more, but I promise you, it will come.

Hope this helps.

Hi Eve, I have a ds in reception too. He has just (since about Easter) got the hang of reading ie, sounding out words, but if it's any reassurance very few of his classmates have. I read with them once a week, and I would say that there are about 5 really good readers - most of whom seem to be older, a few others (3 or 4)who are just starting to learn how to do it, and the vast majority who don't have a clue (some don't even know letters). I would say that you are doing very well reading to him, as most parents (in my ds's class anyway) don't do that. (don't mean to be patronising).

I was also worried that ds couldn't read, and the teacher told me not to worry. When he got the knack, it came really suddenly and out of the blue.

roisin, DD1 was exactly as you said in your first post. I think she thought she wasn't good enough at reading, whilst the others were, and simply didn't want to be 'bad' at something. Her teacher was great but much to my surprise offered to put her on a special 'scheme'. I was completely dumbfounded about this as I hadn't realised she was struggling so much, but the teacher explained it was a good thing and that I should be pleased she had the offer, as it would only be given to children who had the potential and the parental backup. They reassessed her a couple of weeks later and decided she didn't need it, which was a relief to me. All I'm trying to say is as one of the younger children in reception, and without older siblings, it was easy to feel like dd1 was the 'odd' one out. In fact, I think, she just needed to catch up with the children in her class who were already 5 and had older siblings to learn from. DD2 can already ready words dd1 could never at her age, and I'm sure that's from reading stuff with dd1.

Sorry - bit rambled, but HTH.

XX

eve I can really relate to this thread. I have an august born 4 year old in reception. He really likes his books. We don't have any struggles about reading time, but he wants to take the actual reading thing very slowly. He says no when he has had enough and that's it.

He loves recognising certain letters in words, but that's pretty much as far as he wants to go. Has been like that since he started reception. And yes, it secretly worries me. It only worries me because of the damn worksheets he gets each week from school. They state 'this week we are revising the words * ***, I HATE that word 'revising' and we get flashcards to use that are way beyond his interest or inclination. My son doesn't know the words to begin with. I have told the teacher the worksheets are mostly too much for my son and don't interest him and she is fine about us not working on them. But I do feel under pressure, none the less. Things have changed so much in 5 years. When my 10 year old was in reception we had none of these targets. I hate them! And I guess year 1 will be even worse.

Logically I know my son very young and I try to keep that thought first in my mind. Just for the first time on Tuesday, he recognised two words - 'the' and 'at'. This came straight after the half term holiday, so no pushing from school, and I hadn't been teaching him these words either.

My oldest son is one of the best readers in his class and he didn't learn to read that early. Definitly couldn't read when he was in reception.

In a rush, Eve, but just wanted to say that I completely agree that you musn't worry. There are quite a few threads about pushing children too early and as Aloha says, most European countries don't even begin to teach reading until about 6. Your son is very young and its great that he enjoys stories and being read to. Personally, I think that parents who push, push, push (and I am not for a minute suggesting you are like this!) do not have their child's best interests at heart but rather, use their kids as a 'trophy' for want of a better word. Your son's teacher seems very sensible.

Eve, just want to add to everyone else's view, that you really don't need to worry, and also, that you're very lucky that your DS's teacher is so sensible. I was having exactly the same "problem" as you, my DS is only just five and I think was beginning to feel that reading is a chore. I was beginning to resent the feeling that I'm being asked to damage my son's future relationship with the written word by forcing him to sit down and read every day.

When I wrote in his contact book that everytime I mention homework, he makes a face and starts playing up, his form teacher gave him a game to play with with a piece of paper with six simple words on it, plus a few pictures, and a die with words written on it. He has to throw the dice and match up the words to what comes up on the dice. Also, he can match up words to the story in the book. So it has now become a game, and he is much more keen on it and not so negative. Every time he matches up the words (by the length of the word and the shape of the letters) he feels good about himself, as opposed to the drudgery of trying to read stuff he can't and feeling bad about himself. I thought it was a very positive and creative response from the school and goes some way to making up for the fact that they are starting the kids to read far too young in the first place.

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Eve, sorry I haven't read all the replies here. Just wanted to say that one of my daughters was exactly the same. At the age of 5 she still couldn't read and we were sure it was more to do with 'won't' than 'can't'. She was put into a remedial group at school. I think she began to feel peer pressure and it was quite easy at that stage to give her an out. She agreed that when she was 6 she would read, and indeed, as soon as that birthday went past, she began to apply herself and became one of the top readers in her school.

She subsequently spent a couple of years refusing to do homework, I used to find it in her bin, but she overcame that in her own good time.

Now she is in year 7 at a high-acheiving school, I worried that it might be too intense for her there, but she is doing fine. She is totally self-disciplined, her room is perfect and her homework meticulously done as soon as she gets home. And she reads voraciously.

my son has just been given a word and picture- matching game similar to the one meanbean describes. The words are Chip, biff, kipper and a few others and my son will eagerly repeat them without a picture to prompt him. But he can't recognise many single letters, like 'b' by themselves. My dh spent time with ds yesterday having a go at 'b' to no avail. Ds sings 'frere jaques' but won't say his surname. Odd what they pick up.

b, d, p and q look scarily similar when you don't know them! They all have a circle and a stick but which one's which???

When DD1 started school one of the then infant teachers presented all the parents with a little booklet of 3-letter words made up with hieroglyphs (sp?) just to show how alien unknown letters look. (I suppose she could have used Russian or Greek.) It was a very effective way of pointing out what a struggle it might be.

I like youre teacher's idea, janh. Very effective.
Oh I do wish my son's school wasn't so keen to give out those worksheets in reception - things have changed so much in 5 years. I never felt I had to fight this pressure when my oldest son was at school. The reception year still focussed on learning through play and building up concentration.

I like youre teacher's idea, janh. Very effective.
Oh I do wish my son's school wasn't so keen to give out those worksheets in reception - things have changed so much in 5 years. I never felt I had to fight this pressure when my oldest son was at school. The reception year still focussed on learning through play and building up concentration.

That's what I like about Letterland ... I know it's not popular with lots of people these days. But all the 'Letterland kids' I know don't confuse b and d ... because Bouncy Ben looks nothing like Dippy Duck - they are just completely different characters.