Splitting boy/girl twins into separate classes - mothers of twins over here please..

[Kbear]

Friend has this dilemma. Said I would ask the experts. Her twins are starting school in Sept. She has the choice to keep them together or split them. Opinions please because she keeps changing her mind about what is best for them.

My twins are only 8 months old,( gg ),so I don't have this dilemma yet...but I have been thinking about it. Talking with my colleagues in child mental health I think it depends a lot on the individual children, how dependant they are on one another,what are their abilities/personalities like..very different, or not etc. Also if the school you have chosen has 2 reception classes, and so on..so I have decided it will be something that we decide very close to the event, however for the moment we continue to make efforts to emphasize theirindividuality,eg; don't dress them the same, have indiv time with each, have their own belongings and so on...for example we never call them,' the twins ' and ask others not to do it, they have different sorts of belongings/toys/clothes..

I dont have twins but I know of 3 sets currently in our primary school (years 3, 4 &6) and all the parents have asked for seperate classes

same here we have 2 sets of twins in ds1 year at school. and both of them have been seperated. Think it does help to put any family difficulties between the two behind.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Because they are boy and girl they will quite naturally have slightly different friendship groups. My DTs will be going into a one form entry school in 2008 and they will be fine together.

DD1 had id DT girls in her class. They managed to have separate as well as joint friends. There were also non id DT boys in her class. They hung out together more because all the boys played football the whole time.

Why separate them? Is she worried that they will not be treated as individuals? If that's the case then she should talk to the teacher. Each of the DT parents in our school have double appointments at Parents Evening so that they can talk about each child as an individual.

There are a set of b/g DTs a couple of years younger than DD2. They are sailing through school.

Long story short....... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Leave them together.

How have they been at nursery/preschool? That would be a good indication of how they're doing socially. Mine are three, not yet at school but fine at nursery. I thought about this when my oldest one started school this Sept - he had a friend from nursery and me and his mum deliberatly chose the same school for ease of pickups etc, but also so it wasn't so overwhelming and they already knew somebody. Would it be like penalising twins by seperating them when you wouldn't do it to two friends?

I'm nowhere near this stage yet, but if things continue the way they are I won't seperate mine. They are very different and independant so I don't think they would need to be. dd and ds1 are practically joined at the hip though, I'd happily put them in seperate schools if I could!

has she thought of asking them kids ?

Mine are also starting school in September - but there is only one class so no choice here.

Mine have just started swimming lessons - and to be honest I think they might do better if they were on their own - but I think maybe I wouldn't have got them into the pool on their own !

There is no right or wrong answer - it depends on the circumstances - so just plump for one and try it - if it doesn't work then rethink it. Beware though if she goes for both together and then splits them they might feel they have been told off and so separated.

My twin DDs are in Year 1 and have been in separate classes since they started school.
It's quite a difficult decision, with pros and cons for keeping them together and separating. In reception one missed the other quite a lot and it took her quite a long time to settle. I do wonder if she would have settled more easily if she had been with her sister. However, the classes did, and still do, have a lot of mixed time when they are together, shared play area etc.

18 months on I am glad they are separate as one is showing signs of being far more academic than the other, and I think it would be difficult to see your sister at the top of the class whilst you struggled along near the bottom.

Hello, i have 8 year old id twins. When they started school i was asked if i wanted them split, i said nooooooo. How could i? They had been together every day of their lives since they were born! School is scary enough without being sepearted from your twin.

As it turns out by the time they went in to year 1 (after reception) they asked to be split!!! So i thought ok we will see, i said to the school if i felt it was not working could they move back. It was all okayed and they went in to different classes.

Of course they were fine about it and have been ever since! They do play with each other at playtimes and until we moved in the summer hols this year shared most of their friends. A new school has meant they have made new friends and dont really play together that much (except to inflict torture and torment on the other!)

Hope it helps

I don't have twins myself, but I do have a twin brother. We were put in the same class at primary school. At secondary school we had the choice, and we decided we wanted to be in the same class. It was only when we chose different options at about 14 that we separated into different classes.

Being boy/girl twins we always had our own set of friends. Individuality was never a problem. I'd go as far as saying my social development probably benefited because through my brother I got very close with some male friends, and he did with some of my friends. We were never short of friends.

With regards to the teacher and teaching, I am aware my mum made it clear constantly that we were to be treated as 2 completely different individuals. And as a pp said, there was always 2 sets of consultations and meetings.

To be honest with you I cannot think of one bad experience being classed with my twin (apart from when he copied my history homework and we both got detention because he refused to own up!)

I've no idea if my experiences are typical or if they are due in part to being girl/boy twins. It may be a bit harder in same sex sets, especially identical. If I had to make the decision, I would definately put them in the same class. Hope that's helpful.

I have every intention atm of putting my twins into the same class. Like Mars, i have b/g and they are very different and I see it as being the easier option - life is stressful enough so lets keep outings on the same day, exactly the same homework, no questions of I got more homework, he/she got to glue and I did library etc, etc, sports day you only have to get yourself to the one area on the field, parties on the same day (assuming they both are invited) the list goes on.

My twins go to nursery together and they play together and apart.

I'm sure mine will be separated naturally after a few years but for now, I intend to keep them together.

It will of course depend on the children. I know one lady who separated her twins at school as one was very shy and she felt the shy one would be even more so. Personally, I agree with the post that said they have enough to deal with at school without being apart. My older dd struggled with settling in at school and I would have felt happier if she'd had a twin .

Do let us know what happens and why, so we can learn from her experience

Message withdrawn

I'm not sure yet, but my twins are not 2 till March so I have a way to go before I have to decide. Having said that, they are starting at pre-school in the summer term, just 2 mornings a week to start with and their big sister will be there as well for the first term so that might just be a bit too much 'togetherness' .

But I have thought that once they are settled in at pre-school I might send them for a morning each on their own to see if they like it and it will give me some one-on-one time with the other one as well. That way, I might get some sort of feel for whether they should be in separate classes at school or not.

For the record, they are identical.

I have a twin brother and we were in the same class at primary school. As girls and boys tend to split off natuarally into different groups, I don't think there was ever any danger that we would be joined at the hip.

I think that with Boy/Girl combos there is less likelihood that there will be comparisons, and as we were obviously different nobody got us confused or referred to us as 'the twins'.

I think Mozhe has it exactly, it seems to be a case of seeing what the personalities are and how dependent they are on eachother etc....we have three sets of twins in our reception year, one set happily separated into diff classes, one set separated but they are not happy about it and are having a few probs settling, and one set placed at parents request into the same class.

I'm good friends with the mum who placed her kids together and I know that her feeling was that because children start school so very very young in this country, she wanted her boys to have the reassurance of eachother's presence while they are still little more than big toddlers really. She will re-assess as they get older....but they are extremely different in personality and this has helped them be independent of eachother at lots of times in the school day...

one other mum I know has 2 yr olds twins and when the time comes she thinks she will separate them, as one twin is much more gregarious and outgoing, and she thinks the other twin might get more chances to shine without the other there.....

Mine are boy/girl and started last Sept. and I split them. The school were great and gave us the choice. I think I asked on here for some feedback at the time.

When they were younger I was always sure I'd keep them in the same class. Things that changed my mind were:

Although very close, they played apart quite happily making their own friends, so personality wise I knew they'd be ok with it.

I thought if they ever had to split them later ie in junior school or older, it would be less of a trauma if they were used to it anyway.

I wanted to give them their own space at school and not feel in competition academically in the same class.

I didn't want them to be summed up as 'the twins' all the time (not such an issue with B/G it's true) Some mums - not knowing they are twins, have asked just one to a birthday party. A couple have apologised and said they'd have asked them both if they'd known. But this is just fine and partly why I split them; so they'd learn that they don't do everything together all the time.

Give them a different 'day' each iyswim, and new things to chat about to each other after school. Also to have 'their own' teacher. Twins, well mine, seem to like to have their 'own'.

They seem very happy and settled with it. My ds especially as he has a very close friend in his class from pre-school anyway.

My dd is still summing it all up I think and hasn't made a very close friend yet - just more general ones. The little girl she used to like best at pre-school went to another infant school. The school is small though and only has two reception classes which mix together often anyway.

I think it depends on personalitites though. Mine are quite easy going and confident.

Downsides are mainly on me...

Two sets of teachers to deal with. Not a big problem - they're lovely, but it's twice the correspondence etc.

Now the biggie...The birthday party! OMG! I ended up negotiating the entire reception year because with one in each class you have twice the children and mums to consider.

It is a big choice and I worried about it a lot. They have taken it all in their stride - so far anyway.

The problem with putting them together initially and then perhaps deciding to split them is that it means one of the twins leaving their friends and familiar class to join the other, and kind of starting again. I really think it has to be one or the other at the beginning and stick with it.

Tinygang - I love that when one is invited to a party without the other, I think it's good for them, and it enables the one left at home to have a bit of one-to-one, which they rarely get.

Sandballs makes a good pointthere.

(Hi Sandy - I think you were one of the mums who gave me some welcome pointers on this when I asked this question )

Thanks very much for your opinions - I've passed them on.

Now if she'd make her mind up about which sodding school to apply to first we could spend our lunchtime talking about something else.

EEk, she will kill me for that!

Hi mate!

I know 2 Mums with id boy twins, the first set the parents wanted them kept together against school policy I thin by yr 1, possibly yr 2 the parents were told if they did not agree to them being split then they would be excluded as their behaviour was so appalling together! The other set are also together despite the mum asking them to be apart (also mischief makers regularly) we think the school is looking forward to splitting them in September.....

Think it depends on a lot of stuff.