4 - Can't use a pen and doesn't want to learn.

[jojo28]

DS who will be 5 at the end of August has just started reception. He is clearly behind all the others in his writing. Can barely hold a pen and is very uninterested in the whole process. I have tried everything to get him going but he's just not interested in drawing or writing. He loves books and has a great vocabulary and is interested in learning to read.
His teacher seems slightly shocked 'Wow he can't even hold a pen.' I am panicking... is he woefully behind? Please someone write one of those post that says..'My child could barely write by the age of 9 but is now a Fullbright Scholar!'

my ds is 5 in september so luckily for him the he's not at school yet.He can hold a pen but his pencil control is pretty crap basically because he doesn't enjoy practising.If he was born a week earlier he'd be in your ds's shoes.I really feel your ds will become interested in it at sometime it's just too soon for him.Shame really ,soory no sound advice just thought I'd let you know your ds is'nt abnormal at all.

he is so young-my ds is a july baby and so similar. His pencil grip was apalling-his writing is still pretty bad-but he is just not interested in practising-he wants to play, not write.!
please don't worry-he will catch up eventually.

When I was worrying about ds1 not being able to hold a pencil, his teacher said that it was fairly common for boys. Your ds is probably almost a year younger than some of the children in his class so it's not all that surprising that he can't yet do all the things that they can.

It's just one of those things that he'll do when he's ready isn't it? Try not to worry, why don't you make an appointment to see the teacher if you're really concerned?

I used to be a primary school teacher! Ridiculous isn't it! Intellectually I know he's a summer born boy, that children all develop at different rates etc. But when it's your own child you loose all objectivity it seems. I do think I might say something tomorrow to his teacher but it has only been 3 days! Bless him. Plus the nursery he was at before was this gentle magical place where the kids were just encouraged to play in the most imaginitive wonderful way. The 3 R's took a bit of a back seat.

I read somewhere hat sometimes children who are reluctant to grip and write with a pen can be encouraged to write by using sand and their finger. Can't remember where I read it though!

i can't believe what the teacher said! not very helpful is she. and she could have said something more like we need to work on strategies to encourage him to use a pen not Wow he cant even hold a pen.

and just think he's a lot younger. if he was born 4 weeks later no one would be worrying that he couldn't yet hold a pen!

i am hoping to find a school with an easter intake for ds so he doesnt have to go quite so young.

don't ppush the wrting - let the school deal with it - but try and get some other toys that encourage fine motor skills - eg lego

how about painting aswell? or drawing? teaching him to hold a pencil without him realising?

Could he be enticed by some funky toy, like one of those magnetic boards that you can swipe to clear them (what are they CALLED?!) and kids can scribble on, or even an Aquadraw? The latter has both of my kids drawing and writing away for hours. Obviously get the pen version, not the Thomas engine aquadraw though.....

A good game to play is to get some small things like pasta pieces,rice etc. and get him to move them from one bowl to another with some tweezers.It will improve his manual strength and dexterity,maybe do it to a timer to make it more fun.

Hope this will be somewhat reassuring. Both my sons are August born (15th and 31st) and neither had any interest in drawing or writing before starting school. Both were interested in reading and learned to read quickly and early.

DS1 is now 8 and in Y4, and his writing is still not his greatest strength, but it's joined up, it's legible and he can write quickly.

DS2, who turned 5 last August and is now in Y1, refused to pick up a pencil before starting school. Again, his writing is still not great, but he can now form all his letters correctly and produce legible (if large) writing.

It is very common among boys, and it is very common among bright boys, who may find that they 'know' how to do something and have no interest in taking the time to write it down - this is a problem in numeracy for DS2 who can tell me the answers in seconds, but finds recording slow and laborious.

I echo the suggestions about not doing writing per se at home, but finding other fine motor activities that your boy will enjoy. Both mine actually quite liked writing on chalk boards and small white boards. Finger painting or making patterns/letter shapes in foam, sand or rice is also supposed to be good, but that was too messy for me!

Lego and other construction toys, cutting (though mine both hate scissors too), threading or lacing cards, games like Uno where you have to organise your hand, tearing paper, kneading, rolling and cutting Play-Doh, are all good for developing fine motor skills.

Our DS who is in year 1 (he'll be 6 in june) is exactly the same.
He is a fantastic reader but has great difficulty holding the pen and has absolutely no interest in writing or drawing anything. He can write but for example when he writes his name the letters are all different sizes and it's a huge chore to get him to do it. Any other request for him to write something (christmas thank you letters for example) is met with a tearful "I can't do it, it's too hard".

The school have been great and DS goes to a special lunchtime group twice a week where they work on his gross motor skills. They gave us a booklet with ideas of what we can do at home to help (the sand writing, a big paint brush and a bucket of water for him to 'paint' the garage door) and activities that will help him like judo, swimming.

I try not to worry as I know that children all develop at different stages but it is hard sometimes when i see his female friends writing perfectly so i do sympathise with you jojo28.
Do you know when your first parents evening is?

My ds started reception in September, up til the 2nd month of term i could not get him to hold a pencil or sit still long enough to draw....he has never been "arty". But they started to get written homework, and all of a sudden he is more prepared to sit and use his pencil. We took him and let him pick the ones he wanted and that really helped, plus he really likes getting the teachers approval stamps on his homework. So i think it is something that comes in time and each child is different. My dd is 3 and she is really into scribbling lists and drawing, but unlike him wont sit and look at books!

Thanks for all the advice. I have tried all sorts of different mediums, chalk, aquadraw, paint etc. Still doesn't really float his boat. He can write his name but it's a torturous process, I feel that his weak grip is a sign of his lack of confidence. He generally likes to be Mr. Know-it-all, but he knows writing isn't his strength so he doesn't really commit to it. He likes things to look perfect, and is generally dissapointed with his efforts. Want's his pictures to look like mine or like in the book. Will definitely get going on the lego and sorting things with tweezers. He's good with scissors and cutlery... that's something!