Forgotten middle

[dontcallmethatyoucunt]

My DD is very much (lower) middle of the road academically, but she is a lovely girl and very caring and sociable. She can quite easily fall behind when she doesn't understand something and I'm concerned that because she is easily distracted, this doesn't take much. As she is a good girl and she doesn't really demand attention, I'm concerned she gets lost in the group of 30.

This term it became clear to me she wasn't really keeping up and when I spoke to the school she has been given extra one to one help. We do read with her every day and she does maths with my DH too, but the school also felt she could benefit from additional support. It was us that initiated this though.

The tuition has had a good impact and when we asked her teacher if she felt we should continue, she said she felt DD really benefited from this extra support and if we were willing to pay for this, she would help us find someone suitable.

My query really is, would we be better continuing with support/tuition, perhaps an hour a week (or similar over a couple of sessions) or would a smaller class size in an independent school be better?

I can't decide if tuition in the long term seems fair on DD, or whether a 'normal' school day, but in a smaller class would be better. The independent option isn't without concerns and frankly we live in a 'naice' area and local schools are some of the best in the state system. Would the smaller classes make that much difference?

DD is in year 2, but a September birthday and Junior school is looming large. I worry she'll get even more 'lost' when she is expected to be more independent.

I'm now rambling, but hoping for opinions!

My sons peruvian weaving and brass rubbing was exellent - sadly his reading and writing were not. His state primary had an artist in residence and classes - 3 - of less that 18 pupils in each. Absolutely no excuse, in my view, not to have realised that my son had a problem. To cut a long story short we privately took him to an ed. psychologist and it was the best money we ever spent. l was expecting them to say he is average, school are right, don't worry but they said the opposite. School were obstructive about help so we made our own arrangements with the dyslexic Institute. The local secondary is very good now but back then it was being redeveloped so we opted for a private school. He passed the entrance exam and then the fun and games really started as it was a very traditional school. They didn't think he had ever sat down for more that half an hour at a time. Eventually he knuckled down with a "carrot and stick" approach but it was not easy. Even there he was only put in for the foundation english gcse when the time came. Dyslexic institute felt he was better - and indeed he got an A privately. what l am trying to say is that what ever you choose you still have to keep on top the situation. Although in the private sector the teachers knew my son inside out and he didn't get away with anything and was well prepared for uni. The dyslexic help , which we paid for , was poor hense we kept in touch with the institute. He got ok GCSE & A levels. After a gap year he got a place at a russell group uni and it was there he blossomed and decided half way through his degree he was going to do medicine. He is now qualified. So the moral here is not so much a child is " middle of the road / average" but they need to have the foundation to be able to unlock their potential. If l had listed to the primary head l really do not know where myson would have ended up.

I love reading your posts Mags and Happy.I really wish there was a separate thread for parents experienced in dealing with Dyslexic children advising newly diagnosed Dyslexic's parents.There must be so much wisdom available within Mumsnet.

 Happy I can identify with the late development.Ds1 also has a late July birthday which really doesn't help.Coupled with a very bright twin sister who's pretty much good at everything .The problem we face now is will he pass common entrance as coming from a state schools he is very behind.

  Mags your son must be very bright.I think my son was just written off as being thick.His year 6 teacher was openly cynical when I said he'd been diagnosed with Dyslexia.Yes,even in an Independent school i have to keep on top of things.He still needs Maths tuition outside of school.French is also a major issue for him.

Thanks all, it's really helped to hear experiences from others. There's no magic bullet seems to be vey clear.

Oh teta hind sight is a wonderful thing!
we got an assessment so we knew what we were dealing with that was key.
If you had known us during his school days you would not have given much for his chances. several key things did happen. We got the right school for him . it was painful as he went from day to boarding to reduce traveling and so the school could carry on continuity.He was an achiever at things and with teachers he liked but would never ever try at things or teachers he hated. School was very adapt at using this. He could be so so stubborn and made dumb insolence an art form. He had and still has a great sense of justice and woe be tide a teacher who he felt was unfair. Sadly it took him a while to realise they had the measure of him.We would be rung at 7pm with latest misdeed - l would have a gin and phone back.He was good at sport and we would go and watch him but if his prep / behaviour was poor or not done we would be phoned and asked not come as he would be redoing his work - even when he was captain! Termly reports had a grade for actual result, prep, ability, effort and teachers assessment. We always said to him if effort was A but ability Z thats fine. As you can guess it was the opposite. He scrapped into 6th form where he liked the responsibilities and privilages plus a girl came from Germany and she did something!! He was set for a career in sport so when his world fell apart when he realised he was good but not exceptional, he wanted to play at the highest level, he went to germany for a gap year. He went to Dusseldorf uni to learn German and work - with the help of a certin girls parents. He went to Southampton uni to do Biology. he didn't know what he wanted to do so we just said a good degree from a good uni then think. He matured greatly in his gap year living independantly in a flat, budgeting etc. Southampton also gave him great support with his dyslexia and he just grew. When he decideded to do post grad medicine l did not give much for his chances, especially when you read the ankst of some parents on here. His father was also a successful medic so he knew what he was letting himself in for. He sorted and took the gateway exams, researched the schools and wanted to go to swansea. He was offered a place at all he applied to and Imperial Colledge was his "insurance" - not many can say that! Sadly l have to say l had hoped he would go there as l have ties to St. Marys but its all different now and he had no intention of doing so. He started at school working for Mind and has carried this on and worked a summer in Germany with their counterparts. l could write a book about what we have been through but what l have learnt is that you must treat a child as normal and not make the excuse "he's dyslexic" the worst you can be is wrong ( school said same thing so we were grateful for that attitude as the outside world will not give them any breaks). If we had given in and not had reasonable expectations commensurate with his ability he would not have done so well. On one occasion he told me bin men earned £40000 a year so why bother with uni. OH had great answer - get your degree and choose to be a bin man rather than have few qualifications and have no choice.- l think he was 14 /15 a very bad year as l remember. The other thing for us was the financial cost. Day fees were manageable but boarding screwed us to the ground. However it was good training for the many years of uni to come. how l wish l had put his child benefit away. l also have a mental black book of those who put my son down and made life so difficult. . l wish l could let go like my oh has but from the age of 7 to 27 we have been on a roller coaster. My life was working, certin days going to school to take him to dyslexic institute especially around GCSE time. Has he got in? / has he passed?/ what next?. It wouldn't take much to make its easier for parents tofind their way around the systems.
oh l nearly forgot his partner is a certin german girl ( 10 years now) she did medicine in Cardiff so l think l can see why Swansea had the edge over London. They are both working in Swansea. Its a story of the hare and the tortoise !

l agree Happy.

Lovely story mags .

It shows us that people can and do do well despite being written off/struggling at school. I have long suspected my DS is dyslexic but need to get the money together for an assessment (had to pay for a big car service/repair this month so it won't be yet, unfortunately).

wol1968 - When you have a child with problems and are being fobbed off it is very fustrating but unless you know what you are dealing with it is hard to argue with teachers if you are not one. This was our starting point and l went to the Dyslexic Institute in order to make sure l had a chartered Ed. Psychologist. You need the full assessment. School will not accept it because it has to be the education authority one. On a practical note nothing the Dys Ins did was rocket science it was going back to basics and building up on given areas at the child's pace. Firm foundations are then laid for progress. To make it fun but focused l found The Happy Puzzel Company did some really good stuff and we still play with some of it.

OP, whether you go for private or state, please consider getting your DD a tutor. The 1-to-1 sessions are invaluable for understanding and confidence building.

And can I make a plea for not pigeonholing your DD as "lower middle"? She's still very young and a good teacher can make a world of difference. She may surprise you yet.