Private weekly boarding for bright, sensitive DS

[Railworker]

Sorry for long post - I've got myself into a bit of a pickle and need some help! It is beginning to dawn on me now that DS is in year 6 that I should perhaps have considered a wider range of senior school options. He's currently happily settled in a reasonably selective (day) prep school, so I am looking at options for year 9.
He has decided that he is not keen on our local options. Other day school options would involve catching coaches and an hour travel time each way (including walking to bus stops etc.). We're in London which is a fearsomely competitive place to be anyway, and it's got me longing for something less pressured but still sufficiently engaging to motivate my chilled out boy.
DS is a lovely, kind, slightly introverted boy who would need somewhere with excellent pastoral care - he has mild AS but has always coped well in a mainstream setting. We are the antithesis of pushy parents (from the London perspective anyway!). He is flourishing academically and is expected to pass CE at 70%. He's also very musical, likes to be active physically (and has good balance/co-ordination), isn't great at team sports but loves rugby and is very knowledgeable and engaging about all things computer based.
Although my dh has always considered boarding might be a positive for him, from a social point of view, I guess I've been more nervous - particularly worrying about bullying (although bullies do tend to avoid DS as they get no feedback from him so lose interest). I would dearly love him to develop close friendships with school friends (something that hasn't really happened at his prep school) and can see that being in a boarding house/immersed in a boarding community might help this (providing the other dc's are tolerant and kind). Definitely not looking for an Alpha type school - more one that celebrates and nurtures individuality, whilst still enabling him to reach his (fairly good) academic potential.
I did do an initial look around and he has sat the Brighton College 'Orientation' (assessment!) day but we won't know about that till after summer half term. He loves the school but I am concerned about rumours of it being a high pressure environment - so far we have avoided encouraging the over-anxiety that can develop with AS and we would like to avoid this as far as possible. Of course, we still don't know whether he will be offered a place.
I am interested in co-ed schools and ones where we can see him every weekend if he wants.
With the collective MN wisdom, are there any schools out there that spring to mind that I should also consider?

Happygardening I appreciate your post. I completely agree it would be unsuitable for the son of the OP.
I notice Milton Abbey are offering a day pupil rate which is enticing to locals. My son is reasonably bright but I think I might be better off putting him in state which has better results.

I apologise to the OP for hijacking her thread. :-)

OP, yes I was also going to suggest looking at Frensham Heights. One of DCs friends moved their because he didn't work out at their school which was too academic for him, and he wanted to focus on the arts. I don't know much about it but it does seem very like Bedales, and very gentle. DS2 has mild HFASD and at one point we considered moving him to Frensham or Bedales but then he settled down where he is. Those, or Reeds were the three schools we thought would fit the issues he had. But in the end his current school was brilliant at sorting him out and getting him happy and settled.

I'm actually considering all options including home schooling from 13-16. Or moving house/city to find the right day school (although moving house is possibly DS's worst nightmare). It's getting the right balance between my sons academic side and his sensitive/need for respite/down-time side that I'm struggling with. Like all parents, I really don't want to get this wrong!
Thank you notagiraffe - very helpful.

An independent day school or an independent school outside of London which offers day and some flexi/weekly boarding (so that you've got a variety of options)? I know little about day schools so can't help you I'm afraid but others I'm sure will be more knowledgable.

Railworker I am not clear from your posts whether his potential anxiety is more likely to develop from unfamiliar routines or time pressures to complete work or just too much noise and activity around him. If the latter two boarding school even weekly will not be a comfortable experience for him.
I personally think your DS will be happiest where he does n't feel the odd one out and the price to pay for that may well be what you call a competitive school. I don't think that the more academic selective schools are necessarily stressful for a DC who is clearly bright like yours and he has more chance of meeting boys similar to him. IME mainstream co-ed independent schools tend to value 'coolness' more than single sex schools and that again may emphasise your DS being on the margins whether boarding or not.
There are selective single sex day schools such as Guildford where boys can be individuals and although the schools are academic that does n't mean that bright boys feel pressurised or are mainly alpha types. However most of these pretest in year 6.

One weekly boarding possibility that has n't been mentioned probably because it is state and single sex is Reading grammar. It is a state school that has a year 9 entry which does n't require an early pre-test. I know a couple of boys who have boarded and the pastoral care is excellent. Since the day is shorter than private schools there is plenty of downtime in the evenings with activities to choose from but not the sometimes relentless timetable of private boarding schools that don't allow much opt-out time. Obviously it is academic but as I said I think that may be a positive for your DS both for friendships and his type of individuality.

Another single sex option, this time independent, would be Dulwich College.

I meant another single sex weekly boarding option.

Have you looked at St John's in Leatherhead? Smallish school with weekly boarders and day pupils. Excellent pastoral care.

OP I should have asked earlier where does your prep school head suggest you consider? If your at a good prep then the head who knows your DS best should be your first port of call for advise on future schools.

I think you should look at those schools which take a cohort of day pupils, with a view to relocating if necc. Then you may be able to suck it and see and switch from boarding to day. A friend of mine has an Eton place for a boy just like your son and the stress of whether it will work for him is eating the two of them up so much that i think thay would have been much happier focusing on schools that offer day/weekly.

FWIW i think Brighton College might be the best option for you, regardless. The thing that put me off the school was that although the school has loads of evening activities, there was no pressure whatsoever to undertake any of them, and a child could go through school without engaging in any of the wider school life if they chose. For me i thought that would be a disaster for the terminally lazy child i was considering it for, but it could work great for your son, and has the day option too (and the boarding accommodation there is so much nicer than other schools ive looked at, with enough break-out areas to encourage smaller groups instead, of the mass body odour love-in fests in the big common rooms in traditional houses)

I have two boys at Frensham Heights.

We love it but then you will always get that perspective from parents who choose it!

It is like Bedales, but less posh. I found the parents at their 'nice' state junior & primary schools more of a pain. No uniform but most kids dress sensibly, no labels and fashion items. PE kit is the only thing that is banded.

I have two very different boys - one struggles socially but is very bright. He has been given the space to be himself and solitude, which he likes. He complains that some of the kids are not as smart as him. There is a wide range of abilities, from children with dyslexia to kids at the top end. They stream from yr 9 I think.

I would say the teaching is generally of a good standard, they don't have problems recruiting teachers. In year 9 your son will get a lesson a week in dance, drama, music, art, CDT and 3D design. Great for confidence and creativity.

My other son is social and active, he loves all the space to explore. He lacks a bit of academic confidence but is starting to believe in himself.

Eldest was bullied a little, but school dealt with it and has not returned.

The boarders are a minority I think, there doesn't seem to be any divisions between the boarders and day kids.

Because it is not an academic hothouse the parents mostly live quite locally, Farnham, Godalming, Elstead, few in Guildford. Few overseas boarders, but not dominated by one nationality.

They do a great Open Day, mostly are full but both mine joined mid-term after spaces came up.

As you can see I am a convert!

Yes, that was the reason that Brighton made it onto our list and is the only boarding school DS has tried out for, TheBlessed. It was good to read your post to remind me of why we even went down this route.
I am going to have a look at:
St Johns, Leatherhead
RGS (12+ exam)
Sevenoaks
Frensham Heights
Reeds

I've found this chat very helpful in drawing closer to what DS needs in a school environment and it's made me more aware of how keen I might be on moving to help make this work.
Thank you everyone - grateful for opinions on my shortlist

Ok, I see we've missed the boat for both Reeds and St Johns. A pity - hate year 6 pre-tests! It's wedding dress shopping all over again (gnashes teeth at the memory of all those snotty sales assistants gasping while I explain my short 3 month engagement! Still, that's another thread...)

We have a relative at Sevenoaks, not sure about whether you would think it suitable for a boy with ASD (dd has ASD). It's for a certain type I think, you have to be quite robust in my opinion.

Thanks Jeremy - I put it in as commutable but wasn't sure whether it is good enough pastorally, so useful to have your opinion

Well, see what you think, it's only from my second hand knowledge and certainly I know of one boy there who has AS there but I hope you get what I was trying to say. My dd2 is at a local independent but not mixed sex one, it's tough going trying to get the right one and I have moved her once. Good luck with it all.

How about St Chris in Letchworth? Along the lines of Frensham/Bedales in that no uniform, students call teachers by their first names. DD2 is a weekly boarder there and enjoys it. The boarding house is small, and they all have their own rooms, sharing bathrooms with one or two others. The house parents are just lovely, and there is a great atmosphere in the boarding house. Academically, the school is not selective, but they get good results, and if your DS is bright, he will do well. They are also good with SEN - two of DD2's friends have mild AS.