Can we afford it?

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I wanted to know if we are being realistic. Our joint income is around £120,000 - £130,000 a year. Is that sufficient to comfortably put a child through private senior school in central London? I think we can - husband thinks too much of a stretch. Otherwise it is going to be a case of moving out of london instead. Our mortgage is very small but I will freely admit that I would not be happy if I have to count every penny for the next 6/7 years.

Oh I disagree about the networking happy. DS has close friendships and has already been offered an internship by the father of a friend.

Happy: Oxbridge exit is a key marketing point for private schools. And no-one would dispute that the percentage of students going on to Oxbridge etc from private schools is vastly greater than the percentage from the state sector. Let's say, for the sake of argument, that the 7% of students from private schools make up 40 - 50 % of the total Oxbridge intake - with the 93% state educated making up the other 50%. And from the state intake, most are drawn from the selective grammars, sixth form colleges, selective by religion schools, selective by post code schools.
And that is because almost all of the students who end up at top universities are both clever AND come from supportive home backgrounds. They usually have ambitious parents who value education and who in many cases use the money that they have to buy advantage for their children. That may be through private school fees or tutoring or moving to the right area or going to the right church. Most of the DC from the private sector - particularly from the schools Beau mentions- who go to Oxbridge would also have got there if they had attended state schools. Intelligence and home background are the key determinants - not the sector in which a child is educated. Actually I think the arguments in favour of private education for middle of the road DC are much more convincing than those
for the very clever.
My family has experience of both state and private sectors so I am not bashing anyone's choices. But there is a huge amount of unnecessary angst about private schooling in UK - fed by the private school industry and a fear among some families that their DC will miss out if they do not pay. Fine if you have lots of surplus funds, but OP may not have and she said she did not want to have to watch every penny. There may be better ways to promote her DC's education than paying a school.

You speak huge sense but having done one state 'til 8 and the other state 'til 11 (she was happy in the juniors, he wasn't) and having then done a year at a supposedly elite cofe secondary, I think on balance I probably would live on bread and jam and camp (and I don't camp) to pay school fees. I'm not sure if ds would have gone to Oxbridge from a state school tbh. His father did but his father has a brain the size of a planet but struggled earlier in his career from lack of confidence and feeling a tiny bit inadequate. I may have done ds down a bit there. He got the equiv of 4A*s. His father went on two As, a B and a D - perhaps they made allowances even then? Perhaps having choices makes the choices tougher. I do know that it was the behaviour and dreadful expectations that have ruined the state school we tried.

"Actually I think the arguments in favour of private education for middle of the road DC are much more convincing than those
for the very clever."
This couldn't be further removed from my DS2's actual experience. We moved him from our nice village primary school because they openly admitted that they hadn't the inclination interest or resources to challenge and stretch him. We then looked at the state sector on three further occasions during his school career, once a super selective top 5 grammar school that I felt was just an exam factory not providing a broad all round intellectual education, once at our local "outstanding high achieving academy" where we were privately advised by two teachers we met not to send him because he would be bored stiff and then again at our local well regarded 6th form college where again having been advised to do 6 A levels three in yr 12 and 3 in yr 13, for an MFL and math he was advised he would be bored rigid. Most state schools dont want to single one child out and give him lots of extra work.
I cant comment on the middle of the road but my experience of SEN is that the state is marginally better at coping with this. Although it has to be said both are pretty shit unless its pretty mild or so bad that you're statemented. At least they dont make promises that they have no intention of keeping or pretend they're interested in your DS when they are not really.

Beau. I agree so much depends on individual experience and we do all want the best for our DC.

Happy: I agree that gifted children can also have special educational needs. And it is great that you found a school that was a good fit for your DS. . But if/when he gets to Oxbridge he will be surrounded by other gifted DC who will have got there from the state sector. Unless of course he is going to Christ Church

I also think HG makes a good point about the uber bright.

Can I say though drinkstoomuchcoffee that we found the London selectives almost stress free. DS sat two tests and got two offers with no tutoring and we chose the one he liked best not having done the yours before the offers. DD got offers from both the cofe's - we met the church criteria and we knew she would. And three independents. The aspirational, the expected and the backstop. We made the wrong choice though and she had to switch to the back stop because there were no places at the other two at the start of yr 8. But still had four happy and successful years at a middle ranker bloody miles away. Oh, I don't miss the logistics!

You make an interesting point of course, although should add my DS is not interested in Oxbridge.
I'm interested to know how uber bright children do manage in the state sector. I'm not talking about the top 5% or even the top 1% I'm talking about the off the scale uber bright children.
Years ago For work I observed a home ed group they were all off the scale super bright all had been pulled from the state schools because the state sector was unable to cope with them and offer them an appropriate education. When your better at math in yr 1 than all your primary school teachers your going to run into trouble pretty quickly.
Secondly the states and in fairness many independent schools solution to super bright children seems to be more exams preferably sat earlier, I appreciate that this is very quantifiable, X is so clever and under a wonderful teaching has 6A*s at A level (I appreciate this can apply to both sectors) and also let's face it its easier for a school but I genuinely believe this is not the solution. You may be a really gifted mathematician but this doesn't mean you should have your intellect stimulated in developing an in depth knowledge of opera, by understanding and enjoying Chaucer or by falling in love with Botticelli.
Its so easy to pigeon hole the uber bright, your good at math, do more enter Olympiads, do exams early, but I believe that the super bright shouldn't be defined just by the subjects they excel at, they need to be allowed to become more rounded individuals. I'm a great believer in the concept of the Rennaissance man or women. The way our education is currently organised where exam results ultimately seem to be the only bench mark for success (again often in both sectors) IMO doesn't seem to promote the idea of a Renaissance man.

Happy: In a decent sized state school if you have a year group of e.g. 30 * 7 classes you would have 210 children which means one would expect 21 children in the top 10% (unless all the bright children have been been creamed off by private schools, grammar schools, schools with better ofsted).

In the primary school my dc went to the top children were stretched through extension work and level 6 sats. In the local comprehensive they have the maths challenge for the top maths people, debating competitions etc.

Going back to OPs original question - yes, I think it is possible on that salary, though you might be cutting back on 10k holidays a year, unless in that you also include school trips. School trips are a pretty central part of school life, private or state, but at private there is so much on offer. My DC could have gone on two or three foreign trips each year from 1st form on, as well as CCF trips, field trips etc. These add up, along with sports kit, travel and uniform, to 22k per child easily each year and that cost rises noticeably year on year.

I agree you don't want to be scrimping for every penny, but we've made a few adjustments because we do have to be quite careful with money now, and tbh I barely notice them now. We spend less on groceries just by not overbuying. We spend a lot less on holidays by having our main holiday out of high season and just staying in UK for summer.

I can't think of any state schools, except some of the grammars) that offer equivalent education to the best private schools. I don;t agree that all private school children get their confidence from home. DS2 due to a number of significant physical and neural disabilities had zero confidence when he arrived at school. they picked up on this immediately and whisked him off to counsellors and SEN and groups and gave him a 6th form mentor. Within a year he was transformed. State schools rarely have the resources to do this. And I agree with Happy on bright children. Our local village school was indifferent to DS1s enthusiasm for learning. He's flourished at a school where the teachers are energetic because, by and large, the cohort is polite, works hard, is bright and aims high, so they aren't expending energy on crowd control.

eyebrowse as I've already clearly stated above I'm not talking about the top 10%. I'm talking about the off the scale bright, the 1 in 500, the 1 in a 1000 or higher, to use a word used on here sometimes "the outliers". I'm just not convinced that their educational needs are met well in the state sector.
notagiraffe I'm sure there are some excellent state schools out their offering a excellent education but they'll never offer the same education that a relatively small handful of elite independent schools can. Ultimately its down to two things first the clue is in the name "independent" free from government interference this means you can provide what ever education you like as long as as someone likes it enough to and pay for it and secondly money.

I think schools of any sector often struggle with a true genius.

My friend has one son who is off the scale. His state primary told her outright that they could not offer him what he needed and helped her secure a place and bursary for a very selective private school.

There, he did a mixture of lessons in school and university lectures. Not ideal but he was pretty happy on the whole.