Can a primary school keep your child inside all day?

[DawnieP]

My son is 9 and since starting school he has had socail difficulties. His behaviour is very good in class. He can be silly in the playground and is not mature enough for his age. His consultant asked school to be patient with him as he is borderline dyspraxia and autistic. All the kids tend to split on him all the time so now he has a reputation. He got a good telling off for telling a rascist joke. He didnt mean any harm by it. He just said what is the difference between a black and a white person, poo. Now my son is not allowed out all day for a week. Usually he is allowed out for ten minutes at lunch. iT WAS SUGGESTED HE WRITE AN APOLOGY LETTER to a particular teacher as she was upset by it. My son is not violent or anything like that just silly and naive. Can school do this? Where do I go from here? My son is loving, helpful and caring, he still has a teddy for comfort as has sensory needs.

Yes they can. Missing breaks is a fairly standard punishment in schools.I'm pleased they are teaching him that racist comments are wrong too, whether meant to upset others or not.

Sorry, I didn't mean to sound harsh, I appreciate how difficult school must be for your son but he still needs to learn what comments are acceptable in society and that it is possible to offend others, even unintentionally. This is how kids learn social skills, they make mistakes, are punished and apologise and hopefully learn from it and move on.

How can he learn to mix with other pupils appropriately if he is not allowed out of school class room? If he is in all the time then he cant make friends, he told me one time that he felt lonely and wanted to move school.

Greatful for your comment. My son doesn't sem to learn as like I said he does have a social problem and always seems to offend somebody includin g adults. He got into trouble for helping a lad in lifting him in the toilets. I know it is health and safety, but he thought he was being helpful and was told by the teacher he could walk away. I just think they are being too hard on him. He does work real hard in class.

It's only a week. I know that seems like a lot but in the context of how many weeks he is at school for it's not long really. He will still work with others in lessons.

Since September he has only been allowed out for ten minutes at lunch.

Has the school tried anything like a buddy system or a circle of friends for him? If not it might be worth asking them.

I asked before xmas and she said she will make sure someone has a friend but nothing has happened. Nobody wants to play with him apart from one lad who is silly too. So they got separated. The kids seem to relish in telling the teacher what he has done and its usually petty. We cant wrap them up in cotton wool other kids need to learn how to deal with extreme situations because yes this will happen in the workplace etc.

I might be worth reminding his teacher then. Good luck!

The teacher is hardly out of nappies herself. Thanks for your comments much appreciated.

Ok, - being kept in for lunchtimes for a week because of misbehaviour (one incident) is normal. (although I always feel it is a bit counter productive, keep an active child in all day and by the end of the day they will be misbehaving in the classroom)

Being kept in every lunchtime (only allowed out for 10 minutes) because school cannot manage his playground behaviour - this is not normal.

His well being must be part of the discussion. In this case he needs exercise, and playing is good for physical development and co-ordination.
He needs to learn to socialise, and play appropriately with other children.

I suggest you email school/teacher (start with teacher) and put those 2 points. You understand he is struggling with playground behaviour, so what plan is the school coming up with to manage it, teach him, and still facilitate his need for fresh air, exercise and social interaction.

If this is an on-going issues, then keep a paper trail of all meetings/discussions with the school, literally in your diary write - spoke to the teacher about x, reply was y.

if teacher is no help, ask to see SENCO or Head, and talk to them.
Be positive and look for a solution - what can we put in place to get him outdoors and safe and socializing?

I have had SENCO assess him last year and she seemed satisfactory about what school was doing. Last year hecwanted to do school football after school. The teacher what does the football has had him for a year and knows what he is like. I stopped him going after 3 weeks as the teacher said if he doesntvstop being silly he will stop him from training. I took him scouts as school suggested. He lasted 3 weeks as they did not know what to do with him. Crowds make him go giddy. He wants to be on the school athletic team and choir but is always rejected.

iT WAS SUGGESTED HE WRITE AN APOLOGY LETTER to a particular teacher as she was upset by it. My son is not violent or anything like that just silly and naive

This should be absolutely the case. DD made a silly joke to a mixed race classmate and had to write an apology. Actually DH and I insisted on seeing it before she handed it to him. Regardless how immature a person is, this is common courteous behaviour when you are rude.

I think the school needs to come up with a plan how they tackle his behaviour, excluding him during lunch can't go on forever. A buddy system can work or - for a limited time - a TA/lunch helper.

I've been thinking about this. I'm a teacher btw but secondary. If I was his teacher I would get his week of no lunch out of the way then next week give him his usual 10 mins with some simple targets about behaviour. If he can keep those for say 3 playtimes/lunchtimes he can have 15 mins the next day and so on and build it up like that. He probably would need the support of a TA or a peer buddy too to model sensible behaviour etc.
It seems a real shame he can't do football, athletics etc if he is keen. This can be the making of some kids as it teaches them to follow rules, play with others and build confidence. I think it would be great if he could have another go at the football club.

Try your best to work with the School, they are use to parents reacting when rules and punishments are laid. If you keep opposing to the way teachers are dealing with your DS they will realise your not addressing his behaviour out of School. A very dear friend would always blame the teachers and primary School never her own Son. She provided him comfort for his wrong doings, and this only gave her son more encouragement. Her family was honest with her that she had spoilt her son far too much. She never obviously agreed with such comments lived in her own world where her son had all the learning difficulties (but nothing diagnosed up until today!) He was excluded from High School in his first year! Shortly after a permanent exclusion followed. And now the mother is in no control of her sons behaviour, he is dominant rude and thinks he knows everything! Hes a bright boy!! just wasted by parents wanting to cuddle him through all his wrong doings!

Im sure your son needs help with many things but you have got to get the School on your side, if you want them to listen. Otherwise it will be just another parent against the rules in their books!

please don't take anything personal what I have mentioned above is just an example and I don't think your son will end up excluded but it it's just sharing a true story of what did happen and what many people did see happening at high school but the mother was in denial of her son ever being wrong!

No offence taken. My DS is not spoilt by any means. I was told by social workers not to punish him at home if it has happened in school. He had older brothers, twins at 16. Trust me they are handful and wind him up. Although they are doing well in school. I find myself screaming at one of them every day due to tormenting my youngest.