Suggestion for DDs POEM READING in Juniors something FUNNY

[MerrilyTooBuzzi]

Class have been asked to do a 'talent show' on Tuesday 19th Dec in afternoon, just for their own class. Y6.

DD has got 5 minsutes to fill.

Any good links /suggestions for a funny poem for her to read aloud to her class.

Many thanks

Spike Milligan .. gotta be .. do a google search

Oh thank you, i will have a hunt on google.

Iam off to library on Sat morning. so any other ideas are welcome.

Have A Nice Day

'Help, help, ' said a man. 'I'm drowning.'
'Hang on, ' said a man from the shore.
'Help, help, ' said the man. 'I'm not clowning.'
'Yes, I know, I heard you before.
Be patient dear man who is drowning,
You, see I've got a disease.
I'm waiting for a Doctor J. Browning.
So do be patient please.'
'How long, ' said the man who was drowning. 'Will it take for the Doc to arrive? '
'Not very long, ' said the man with the disease. 'Till then try staying alive.'
'Very well, ' said the man who was drowning. 'I'll try and stay afloat.
By reciting the poems of Browning
And other things he wrote.'
'Help, help, ' said the man with the disease, 'I suddenly feel quite ill.'
'Keep calm.' said the man who was drowning, ' Breathe deeply and lie quite still.'
'Oh dear, ' said the man with the awful disease. 'I think I'm going to die.'
'Farewell, ' said the man who was drowning.
Said the man with the disease, 'goodbye.'
So the man who was drowning, drownded
And the man with the disease past away.
But apart from that,
And a fire in my flat,
It's been a very nice day.

Spike Milligan

Contagion

Elephants are contagious!
Be careful how you tread.
An Elephant that's been trodden on
Should be confined to bed!

Leopards are contagious too.
Be careful tiny tots.
They don't give you a temperature
But lots and lots - of spots.

The Herring is a lucky fish
From all disease inured.
Should he be ill when caught at sea;
Immediately - he's cured!

Spike Milligan

loved this a school at that age lots more in the book aswell

God there was this poem that Spike Milligan wrote for children.

It started.....
"Through every nook and every crany, there was a wind that blew in Granny"

It used to have me LMAO when I was a kid.
Just cannot remember the name of the poem.
I'll get back to you.

How about Benjamin Zephaniah's 'Talking Turkeys' - very funny and festive - have a look at \link{http://www.davidpbrown.co.uk/poetry/benjamin-zephaniah-2.html}

thnak you all for your help. I have enjoyed reading them myself. DD especially likes the" Talking Turkey" (she has heard it before at school i think) thanks santacutie.

I am going to be on www.poemhunter.com all night now!

How old is she? I leanred this at 7 and twas my party peice for years... can still recite it
The Start Of A Memorable Holiday
(Roy Fuller)
(A poem from a children's book of spooky verse)

Good evening, sir. Good evening ma'am. Good evening, little ladies.
From all the staff, a hearty welcome to the Hotel Hades.
Oh yes sir, since you booked your rooms we have been taken over,
And changed our name - but for the better - as you'll soon discover.
Porter, Room 99! Don't worry sir - just now he took
Much bulkier things than bags on his pathetic iron hook.
The other room, the children's room? I'm very pleased to say
We've put the in the annexe half a mile across the way.
They'll have a nearer view there of the bats' intriguing flying,
And you, dear sir and madam, won't be troubled by their crying

• Although I'm sure that neither of them's frightened of the gloom

Besides, the maid will try to find a candle for their room. Of course, ma'am, we've a maid there, she's the porter's (seventh) wife; She'll care for these dear children quite as well as her own life.

The journey's tired them? Ah, tonight they won't be counting sheep!
I'll see they have a nice hot drink before they're put to sleep!
Don't be too late yourselves, sir, for the hotel's evening meal;
I hope that on the menu will be some roast milk-fed veal.
If you'll forgive me, I must stoke the ovens right away;
It's going to be (excuse the joke) hell in this place today!
Yes, I do all the cooking AND the getting of the meat:
Though we're so far from shops we've usually something fresh to eat.
Of course, it isn't always veal, and when the school terms start
Joints may get tougher. But our gravy still stays full of heart!

I read Roald Dahl 'Red Riding Hood and the Wolf' to dd1s school last week

what a crowd pleaser - had to do it twice - highly recommended

she is 10yrs 4 months to be exact and is second to youngest in her whole year...late Aug birthday. love her.

Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf?from Revolting Rhymes by Roald Dahl, 1982

As soon as Wolf began to feel
That he would like a decent meal,
He went and knocked on Grandma's door.
When Grandma opened it, she saw
The sharp white teeth, the horrid grin,
And Wolfie said, "May I come in?"
Poor Grandmamma was terrified,
"He's going to eat me up!" she cried.
And she was absolutely right.
He ate her up in one big bite.

But Grandmamma was small and tough,?And Wolfie wailed, "That's not enough!?I haven't yet begun to feel?That I have had a decent meal!"?He ran around the kitchen yelping,?"I've got to have a second helping!"

Then added with a frightful leer,?"I'm therefore going to wait right here?Till Little Miss Red Riding Hood?Comes home from walking in the wood."

He quickly put on Grandma's clothes,?(Of course he hadn't eaten those).?He dressed himself in coat and hat.?He put on shoes, and after that,?He even brushed and curled his hair,?Then sat himself in Grandma's chair.

In came the little girl in red.?She stopped. She stared. And then she said,?"What great big ears you have, Grandma."

"All the better to hear you with,"
the Wolf replied.
"What great big eyes you have, Grandma."
said Little Red Riding Hood.
"All the better to see you with,"
the Wolf replied.

He sat there watching her and smiled.?He thought, I'm going to eat this child.?Compared with her old Grandmamma,?She's going to taste like caviar.

Then Little Red Riding Hood said, "?But Grandma, what a lovely great big?furry coat you have on."

"That's wrong!" cried Wolf.?"Have you forgot?To tell me what BIG TEETH I've got??Ah well, no matter what you say,?I'm going to eat you anyway."

The small girl smiles. One eyelid flickers.?She whips a pistol from her knickers.?She aims it at the creature's head,?And bang bang bang, she shoots him dead.

A few weeks later, in the wood,?I came across Miss Riding Hood.?But what a change! No cloak of red,?No silly hood upon her head.?She said, "Hello, and do please note?My lovely furry wolfskin coat."

sorry about the line wrap
see it here www.cupola.com/html/wordplay/redride1.htm or click

She has almost decided which to do and would like to to this as her second one!

Homework! Oh, Homework!

Homework! Oh, Homework!
I hate you! You stink!
I wish I could wash you away in the sink,
if only a bomb
would explode you to bits.
Homework! Oh, homework!
You're giving me fits.

I'd rather take baths
with a man-eating shark,
or wrestle a lion
alone in the dark,
eat spinach and liver,
pet ten porcupines,
than tackle the homework,
my teacher assigns.

Homework! Oh, homework!
you're last on my list,
I simple can't see
why you even exist,
if you just disappeared
it would tickle me pink.
Homework! Oh, homework!
I hate you! You stink!

Jack Prelutsky

This can also be found in the 'Puffin Twentieth-Century Collection of Verse' edited by Briian Patten. 1st published 1999.

How about Please Mrs Butler by Allan Ahlberg? (If it's not too late for new suggestions!)

Ah Twiglett - my dd1 (aged 9) introduced me to Have a Nice Day last year, I cried with laughter at her recital of it!! Thanks for reminding me!

No please carry on making suggestions...all of these are great.

We have the book " Heard it in the playground" by Allan Ahlberg which is great and has been an enjoyable read. Given to me some years ago and recommend to all.

However DD has listened to or read most of them and just wanted something new.

there is a little ativity scene called 'round the back'which is funny but I am struggling to find it. and a gorgeos oem

Listen, snow is falling
snow is falling on all the e hads
Falling onto hills
and onto the eyelashes of sheep.

Falling into the chimney and onto the doorstops
Into the frozen well, into the dark forest
slowly the heavens are falling
Every snowflake is an angel
The angels are settling on the world
The world will be white with angels
The world will be deep with angels.

Not but beautiful. my dd did it in the christmas celebration

"christmas celebration" what a nice way to phrase an event.