Teachers referring to themselves as "Mrs" in emails to parents

[Mynameismummy]

Does anyone else think it's a bit weird that a teacher would sign an email to you (parent) as "Mrs X"? Obviously, all the teachers are called "Miss X" or "Mrs X" by both children and parents and will refer to each other that way. All the older teachers do what I do - ie write to someone as "Dear Mrs whoever", but sign off "Firstname Lastname"...but all the younger ones sign themselves "Mrs X". Obviously not an earth shattering issue, but I just find it a bit disconcerting, as though they are treating you like one of the children!

[BeBeatrix]

oh teacher are twats like this

[OhTheRoses]

But you see if my Dr calls me by my first name I them what their name is. If they say Dr Jones I say "bow lovely to meet you Dr Jones, I'm Mrs Roses. I find their practice reductive and it subordinates. It is inappropriate.

[MaisyPops]

Inappropriate? Really?

I think they are there as my doctor and so i will call them Dr lastname.

I get that society has become more informal (e.g. when i was a kid Bobby's mum was Mrs Brown not Linda) but the idea that we all chat to people we have professional relationships like theyre out mates annoys me.

I can't believe so many people get pissed off over people wanting some professional distance. Talk about chips on shoulders.

[OhTheRoses]

I think you have misunderstood me maisy. I am perfectly happy to call my Dr Dr Jones. But if I am expected to call her Dr Jones I expect her to call me Mrs Roses. It isn't me being casual and informal. But I am not my dd's subordinate and I will not be addressed as such.

[CrumpettyTree]

I used to address teachers as Mrs X in an email and sign off as first name last name, but then i noticed at secondary school when responding they would tend to sign off as Mrs X, so I started to sign off as Mrs Y myself. I noticed that one time I signed off as Mrs X and the teacher replied addressing me as first name (that she could see from my email address) but signed herself off as Miss last name. It didn't bother me though as i assumed she did it as she was in a rush and i probably had too much time on my hands to have noticed!
When i reply to their response (usually to thank them) i tend not to addess them as anything and just write "Thank you blah blah, Kind regards first name last name."
Hopefully that's ok.

[OurMiracle1106]

Maybe because they don't want kids finding out their first names and adding on Facebook etc. Maybe it's confidentiality. Maybe it's school rules etc?

[CrumpettyTree]

The email is set up so we can see their first names at ours

[retreatwhispering]

I don't mind calling teachers whatever they want to be called, as they do the same for me.

What I absolutely do bloody hate and is one of the most belittling, dehumanising habits I've ever come across, is when teachers refer to a child's caregivers as 'Mum', 'Dad' etc. behind their backs. E.g. in staffroom discussions about the child.

'John is struggling to stay awake in the afternoon. I'll give Mum a call and let her know'; 'Dad dropped Sophie off this morning. He said that Granny will bring her book bag in tomorrow'.

Social workers are terrible for this too.

[retreatwhispering]

*as long as they do the same for me.

[MaisyPops]

Ah right roses.
I see what you mean.

retreat
I'll be honest the reason we use 'mum' 'dad' 'call home' is because it's a bloody nightmare remembering all the parents names!
I have the name to hand when I'm calling home but if I'm talking to a head of year (who is reslonsible for 250 students not including their teaching groups) then it's clearer for everyone if I say 'Bobby Brown has had an issue. I'll give mum a call later' than to say 'Bobby Brown has had an issue, I'll call kelly / Miss Green'.

Do people expect all 120 teachers to know the names of mum/dad of any child they may come into contact with well enough for it to be easy in conversation? Does it make a difference in terms of sharing info around school? No.

[Darkblueskies]

I would never call a child's mum 'mum' in front of them but I have no understanding of why it would be inappropriate to say 'mum' when referring to a child's mother to other staff. I don't know their names!!

[Liadain]

Of course we call the parents mum, dad etc. I certainly don't know the surnames of every child in the school, so if Teacher X started talking to me about Mrs Green, that means precisely nothing. If she says Susie's mum, I'll have a better chance of actually knowing who she means.

Mum and Dad is hardly dehumanising. We could be calling you a life giver or something

[everythingsucks]

So to just check -

I have meetings with the SENCO (secondary school) about my daughter. Compared to other SENCOs I have met, she is rather arrogant and dismissive of my knowledge/information. Liking to tell me what is what rather than considering learning about and managing a challenging child with SN to be a collaborative effort.

She always calls me by my first name. I tend to use her title because her manner is aloof and condescending. And it feels more appropriate.

(I get along with most teachers and am polite, friendly and civil. This particular one is unusually tricky and not very competent)

Do you think I should make a point if copying her manner of address? I have had several occasions where I needed to query and question actions which were definitely not appropriate. Should I stick to using the title as our relationship is definitely not warm and friendly? I feel she uses my first name not to be friendly but rather to emphasis status.

[DrinkFeckArseGirls]

Yep, DD's reception teacher was in her very early 20's, she wpuld write Dear Drink, signed Miss SelfImportant. Grated on me like you wouldn't believe (or rather would ).

I started signing emails to her as Ms ArseGirls

Y1 and 2 teachers ages from late 20's to 60's - first names.

[Apple23]

If I'm phoning home, I always ask the person answering, is that X's mum/dad or to speak to X's mum/dad as appropriate.

Some parents are not good at up-dating schools on contact details, so the information you have in front of you may be out-of-date. It's easy to mistakingly be speaking to a step-parent, grand-parent, aunt/uncle who has the same title and surname as the parent you are seeking, or to an offended mother who is no longer using her child's surname.

[everythingsucks]

Senco is probably 20 yrs younger than me too. Not that it should make a difference.

[Apple23]

Letters in an envelope and emails, I sign-off as Firstname Surname.

General letters/ notes handed out in class (e.g. Trip letters), I use Mrs Surname. No signature - I'm not sending out 30 copies of my signature that could end up anywhere.

[CrumpettyTree]

Yes the one who called me first name but signed herself off as Miss X was about 20 years younger than me too. All these cheeky young whippersnapper teachers.

[C0untDucku1a]

Our email signature was set my the school and we are not allowed to change it.

[seven201]

I'm a teacher and sign myself off to parents as first name last name. Would feel like a right twat if I didn't. If I'm emailing the parents and the student (I'm secondary so sometimes do) then I'd sign off Mrs seven. I think I'm young but I'm mid thirties so am I guess I'm not really.

[Ceara]

I don't have any problem with being referred to as "DS's mum/mother" but being called or referred to as "Mum" by anyone other than DS himself is infuriating.

[seven201]

Also, when I leave an answerphone I always say first name last name again for twat factor but then regret it the next day when the kid come new in and starts calling me by my first name! Can't win.

[seven201]

If I'm face to face with a parent, even if the child is present, I introduce myself as first name last name. I tried without once and felt like a right twit.

[retreatwhispering]

Maisy and other teachers, sorry I wasn't clear. I particularly object to teachers/other professionals referring to a child's parent as 'Mum' rather than 'John's Mum', 'his Mum' whatever. Nobody expects teachers to remember every parent's name and title. Although when teachers do remember names they should use them, IMO.

'Mum does her best, but struggles to cope' sounds less respectful than,
'Mrs Brown does her best but struggles to cope', or,
'John's mum does her best but struggles to cope'

In a situation where parent calls teacher 'Mrs Surname' and the professionals are in a position of power, overfamiliarity sounds belittling.

Teachers never, IME, refer to parents as Mum/Dad in front of other parents.
'Brian is in your son's group this year. Mum said that he's very happy about it'

Good to get that off my chest here rather than in daily life