Teachers referring to themselves as "Mrs" in emails to parents

[Mynameismummy]

Does anyone else think it's a bit weird that a teacher would sign an email to you (parent) as "Mrs X"? Obviously, all the teachers are called "Miss X" or "Mrs X" by both children and parents and will refer to each other that way. All the older teachers do what I do - ie write to someone as "Dear Mrs whoever", but sign off "Firstname Lastname"...but all the younger ones sign themselves "Mrs X". Obviously not an earth shattering issue, but I just find it a bit disconcerting, as though they are treating you like one of the children!

[WombatChocolate]

I think youll find that the correct approach is for teachers to sign as first name followed by surname....ie Sarah Brown. This also how they should introduce themselves in person 'hello, I'm Sarah Brown, Tom's French teacher'

Teachers should call parents Mr..., Mrs...etc in writing and person. Parents should call teacher Mr.., Mrs.... In writing and in person.

Usually parents will say 'I'm Jane Smith, Tom's mum'....but teacher still calls her Mrs Smith.

It is pompous of teachers to call themselves Mrs....when speaking to an adult. However it is professional and respectful to refer to the other person by their title.

Teachers sometimes get this wrong but so do parents. The most common way it goes wrong is the recipient receives a letter from someone who signs first name and surname, then replies Dear Jane or worse still, Dear Jane Smith.

It is often younger people or teachers who aren't sure how to address people refer to themselves.

[WombatChocolate]

Of course colleagues refer to each other by first names. With the client (parent) teachers should be polite and respectful and use the parent's title. They should receive the same back, but won't be bothered if they dont.

Schools which have a fixed approach that staff must use are trying to be professional and respectful to parents. A teacher is never going to tell parents what they must call them, nor actually care that much. However, parents who understand the etiquette of a formal relatio ship which doesn't become cosy, know you always refer to yourself with first name, surname And other person as title surname.

Yes, in lots of industries everyone refers to everyone by first name. Parents however are not colleagues of teachers nor teachers colleagues of parents.

[YellowPrimula]

I was always taught at school and for professional exams that when signing letters you should never give yourself a title .So I would expect a formal letter to me to start " Dear Mrs Primula" and conclude Yours Sincerely Anne Smith "

I would reply " Dear Mrs Smith" and conclude " Yours Sincerely, Yellow Primula"

[Foxsox]

Oh hurrah
This is something that I find rude also!
I will always introduce myself by my full name
I address parents by their title and last name
They will more than likely reply/ address me by my title and last name which is fine, as is calling me by my first name.
I think this comes from years ago as an NQT finding it odd/ a strange situation when people much older than me used my title,
I would Never sign a letter or email with my title and surname, Always with my full name.
I think it's pretentious to sign off with your title and surname
My daughters class teacher recently wrote to the parents explaining the topics for this year (let's ignore that the font used was comic sans) and signed off with her title and surname.
It makes me prickly!!

[allthekingsshoes]

Yes YellowPrimula has it spot on. Can't abide letters signed Mrs xxx; apart from being incorrect it often doesn't give you enough information to identify the sender correctly. But always address teachers with a title even those I know personally.

[DumbledoresApprentice]

I sign off letters home with Ms D. Apprentice. It's school policy. I am Ms Apprentice at work and I call parents Mr/Ms/Mrs/Rev/Dr (or whatever) Lastname. It's what's expected, isn't it? Parents aren't given teachers' email addresses in my school so I don't really correspond with parents.

[CauliflowerSqueeze]

I sign off using my first and last name.

But I don't like parents using my first name and I never use theirs. It's not a question of being "equal" it's a question of boundaries. I would also never call my doctor by her first name even though she's younger than me and I've talked to her lots of times before. It's not appropriate in my eyes.

I had a meeting with a parent and his daughter last week and he said to the daughter "you must listen to Cauliflower". Err it's Mrs Squeeze please. (I didn't say that). Mind you, English wasn't his first language so maybe he didn't realise the normal etiquette.

[ChocolateWombat]

Absolutely. Parents and teachers are not colleagues of each other and have a formal relationship with each other.
It is usual for each to refer to the other as Mr/Mrs/Miss whatever in person or writing, but to introduce oneself as firstname, surname. It is exactly the same for both teachers and parents - so everyone is totally equal. No one is putting themselves above anyone else.

The reason parents often think teachers are doing this, is because the first communication comes form them. Some younger staff or even older staff who choose school policy about signing off letters fail to udbertsand the etiquette and so sign off as Mr... or whatever. It's simply that fewer people write letters or formal correspondence these days and fewer people understand the norms.

When communicating with a teacher who you may speak to twice a year and communicate with letter, perhaps once a year (secondary) the relationship remains formal. Referring to the other person should remain formal. Referring to oneself is firstname surname, so you specifically are not placing yourself above the person you are writing to.

[PerspicaciaTick]

Teachers always call me Mrs Tick and I call them Mrs Lastname. I'm not keen on being called MiniTick's Mum by teachers - although it is reassuring that they are able to match me to the right child.

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

We are told to do this. It maintains professional boundaries.

[gillybeanz]

I always refer to teachers as Mrs or Mr surname whether dc are about or not. I see it as their professional standing and don't know most of their first names.
I'm over 50 though and see it as respectful to their position.

[CheesecakeAddict]

I always start emails with "Dear Mrs/Miss/Ms/Mr..." and sign off with just my surname too. I think it keeps that professional distance and I always find it weird to start off on first name basis - especially if you're writing to complain about their kid's behaviour. However, if a parent were to email or reply to me and signed off using their first name, I would then switch to first name too. But I would always let the parent initiate that.

[PuppyMonkey]

I don't mind the Mrs/Mr thing from teachers, it's all part of the school charade innit? Perhaps the situation has changed in OP's school in the two years since she started this thread.

[Eolian]

I would sign off in writing or by email as First name, Last name, because that's the convention, but would still expect most parents to call me Mrs Eolian to my face, mostly because I'd most often see them with their child or because their only knowledge of me is through their child who calls me Mrs Eolian.

I wouldn't exactly be offended by them calling me by my first name, but it would take me aback a little if I didn't know them pretty well. I doubt they'd expect me to call them by their first name (e.g. at parents' evening).

[MaisyPops]

Whilst this is a zombie people are clearly debating it.

I always address parents as 'mr/mrs/miss lastname' and sign off Mrs Maisy Pops in emails/letters and I use title/surname on the phone too. It's not about being pompous or thinking I'm better, it's about professional boundaries.

Even when a parent signs off with their first name I still call them mr/mrs last name. When I sign off Maisy Pops, their reply usually starts with 'Dear Mrs Pops'.

[Mrstumbletap]

I would feel uncomfortable writing anything other than Mrs Tumbletap. I would feel uncomfortable if parents called me Tina.

My first name is not known by the students, I address the parents as Mr or Miss/Mrs Parent. Not Judy or Simon.

I don't call my doctor 'Geoff', I call him Dr Fisher, he is not my friend or my colleague he is a professional and I want to keep my relationship with him professional.

[Viviennemary]

I don't think it's quite correct to sign yourself as Mrs Smith. You should sign either D Smith or even D Smith (Mrs) if you want your title.

[OhTheRoses]

I once signed off as "ohThe". Teacher then wrote Dear Oh the and signed off as Mrs Pratt. Now that was just plain rude bordering on insubordinate.

[MaisyPops]

So to sum up, along with all the othet things that teachers do wrong it turns out there are people who get pissed off over an email.

Add it to the list of things that we are rubbish at.

[Kazzyhoward]

it's about professional boundaries

Which don't actually exist in most other professions these days. I'm a qualified accountant, I never sign off a letter or email Mrs Howard. It's either Kazzy or Kazzy Howard.

Same when I'm in contact with other professionals such as solicitors, architects, clients who are doctors/dentists, etc. It's all first name terms.

I'd find it really strange if a client or a fellow professional called me Mrs Howard - it's just not how things work these days.

[OhTheRoses]

You make the perfect point kazzy. But if someone expects me to address them with a title I expect them to use mine. Professionally medical Drs seem to think I should use their title but they can use my first name. it's about equality imo.

[ChocolateWombat]

If you are the client receiving letters from professionals such as solicitors, Doctors, MPs, accountants etc, you will find they sign off first name, surname. They do because to use ones title in signing off is to imply superiority compared to the person being written to. It's why teachers shouldn't sign off with Mrs X. It's nothing to do with kids not knowing teachers names or parents not knowing them. It is a professional convention, not one related specifically to schools.

Most teachers don't have a problem in meetings in introducing themselves as 'hello, I'm Jane Smith, Toms' French teacher'
However,mig then would be correct for parents to refer to Mrs Smith, not Jane or Jane Smith in both writing and in person. The teacher would also refer to the parent as Mr/Mrs.

It's not bout asserting authority, because neither person refers to themselves as Mr/Mrs etc, ONLY to the other person as that as a sign of respect - it is used by both parties.

It may well be that in some industries when clients are involved things are more informal. Often these are more regular contacts, whereas teachers in secondary schools may only see parents once a year and never or only extremely occasionally write to them. There is a distance between teachers and parents which means the relationship remains formal and Mr/Mrs isn't being overly formal, but appropriate.

Teachers who sign off as Mr X or Mrs X are mistaken in how to write. They are muddling how they would refer to a child and how they would refer to a parent, who is an equal. They should sign off as first name, surname and out a title in brackets if needed - and it is helpful, so people know the title to refer to.

[ChocolateWombat]

Ultimately, things have become a bit blurred these days.

There are formal, accepted forms of address as mentioned above. The problem is when some people use them and others don't. ie the Doctor refers to patients by their first name, but is still being called Dr X. It is when people feel that the names someone else is sing and that they are expected to use make them feel subordinate, that people don't like it, and I think it is reasonable to feel like that.

In the end, in professional matters it is always safest to sign yourself as first name, surname. You can put your work title or personal title after/under if needed. It is also best to refer to others as Mr/Mrs....you really can't go wrong!

[topcat2014]

Most of the rest of live is so informal, isn't it.

Mind you, I noticed I am listed as 'Mr Top Cat' on the list of governors on our school website.

Can't say I have ever had cause to use Mr myself in my working life.

Didn't feel bad about it though!

[MaisyPops]

It's not about whether it's equals or not or being snobby.

I address parents as mr/mrs last name. They address me as Mrs Pops. It is a relationship of equals based on a professional relationship.

(Just like the letters I had from my solicitor were always 'Dear Mrs Pops' signed 'First name last name' and I always replied Dear Mr last name, signed Maisy Pops and I would always call my doctor Dr Lastname and never Stephen)

When emailing often parents will email with Mrs Pops and reply first name last name. I will often write Dear Mrs/Mr last name and sign it Maisy Pops.

Unless it's a parent who i've done loads of work with (think millions of phone calls et ) then I would never write an email saying
'Hi Jane,
Blah blah blah
Regards,
Maisy'

To be if I'm engaging in a professional email with a parent then mr/mrs last name is best (and safer than presuming that I'm fine to go straight in with first name).