Teachers referring to themselves as "Mrs" in emails to parents

[Mynameismummy]

Does anyone else think it's a bit weird that a teacher would sign an email to you (parent) as "Mrs X"? Obviously, all the teachers are called "Miss X" or "Mrs X" by both children and parents and will refer to each other that way. All the older teachers do what I do - ie write to someone as "Dear Mrs whoever", but sign off "Firstname Lastname"...but all the younger ones sign themselves "Mrs X". Obviously not an earth shattering issue, but I just find it a bit disconcerting, as though they are treating you like one of the children!

[EvilTwins]

I always sign letters and emails to parents as Firstname Lastname but refer to them as Mr/Mrs X (or whatever SIMS says is correct) There are a few who I've had frequent contact with and now start and sign off emails with first names only. If I phone though, I akways go with the more formal approach for them - it'd be odd saying "Hi Joanne, this is Evil" - much more likely to say "Hello Mrs Jones, this is Evil Twins" even if it them reverts to first names.

With the kids, I'm in a Miss/Sir school and I'm fine with that. I've been chaperoning at our local theatre this week and two of the kids in the show are kids I teach. They know they're supposed to call me by my first name in that situation but neither could bring themselves to do it this week. So I was Evil to most of the kids and "Miiisss" to these two.

[bodenbiscuit]

Yes it's odd - all the teachers at all three of my children's schools expect us to call them by their first names.

[lljkk]

I went to an alternative school (1970s) where teachers all went by 1st names (my form teacher was Opal, the such studies teacher was Pat, Counsellor was Mark, etc). Seemed fine, but I'm also fine with Ms. Jones etc. now.

[lljkk]

*social studies...

[bluestrawhat]

How is it any different for doctors? It's about professionalism and respect IMHO both ways.

[manicinsomniac]

Wow, I'm surprised and worried that so many people see this as patronising or odd.

I have never signed anything off to a parent as anything other than Miss Manic, regardless of whether it's an email, a letter or a notice for the newsletter. It has never occurred to me to use my first name in a school context. I address parents as Mr/Mrs/Miss as well, even if I know their first names from email correspondence.

I don't mean to be patronising or twattish. I just thought that was the accepted etiquette. I don't think any of my colleagues do any differently.

[Mehitabel6]

I am surprised that people notice - or care.

[notinminutenow]

I don't mean to be patronising or twattish. I just thought that was the accepted etiquette. I don't think any of my colleagues do any differently.

It's neither, don't worry! What kind of nonsense is this, when perfectly good manners are seen as patronising?

If I email a teacher I call them Mr/Mrs/Miss/Dr and I would expect the same back if they initiated contact with me. We're not friends.

I would sign off First name, Last name and would therefore be happy if in subsequent emails they addressed me Dear First name.

[claraschu]

It used to be considered rude to give yourself a title when speaking (or writing) to "equals". Saying "Hello, I am Miss Manners" would imply that you were addressing a child or a servant. You wouldn't say "Hello I am Lord Mountbatten" either: you would assume that your social equal would have the grace to address you properly and you would call yourself "Grace Manners" or "Mountbatten", after which your correspondent would give you a title until requested to call you by your first name (after years of friendship).

All of these fine points of etiquette seem lost on most people (I am not mourning them though).

I assume that if a teacher signs him/her self off as Ms Teacher, that person is making sure that I reply formally to her or him. My personal tendency is to think that this sort of person tends to be someone I probably would not be friends with if I met him or her socially, as it seems a little annoying to me.

Small things give little hints to a person's character, and I often find them revealing. Sometimes I get it wrong though-

[PandasRock]

Being formal isn't the same as being deferential or condescending, no. I do think my relationship with my child's teachers, who I see and speak to almost everyday, is not quite the same as myrelationship with my GP, who I last saw, ummm, about 3 years ago.

I also think that a teacher should not infer that they can call me by my first name, purely because I sign my emails using firstname surname, especially if they are going to insist on using title/surname.

As I said above, I don't mind if a teacher wants to remain on formal terms, as long as they afford me the same courtesy. I may tank it odd that they feel two adults cannot be on first name terms, when maintaining a daily relationship, but hey, it's not just my call. Teachers being informal with me, while trying desperately to cling to a barrier of professional formality on their own part is just plain weird.

[claraschu]

tiggytape I am not saying that people didn't call other people by their titles; in fact, they universally did.

What was considered rude, was to introduce YOURSELF to someone else using YOUR own title. You would say: "I am Winston Churchill", and trust the other people to have the manners to call you: "Sir Winston" (his formal title), if you see what I mean. He wouldn't sign letters "Sir Winston" either.

I wouldn't sign myself off as Mrs Schumann, but as Clara Schumann, unless I were writing to my kitchenmaid.

[Kerberos]

Agree with Panda. Teaching and doctoring seem to be the last bastion of this.

I'm a professional - I'm on first name terms with everybody. It would be weird if we weren't. The CEO of our company is Jon - and that's what we call him not Mr CEO.

School is odd for me anyway as I don't have the same surname as my children so I'm (wrongly) called Mrs Childrensname rather than Miss Kerberos. That said it would feel weird to call my children's teachers anything other than Mrs x so I'm indoctrinated in it too.

[notinminutenow]

If one of my son's teachers telephoned and said "hello, it's John Smith, calling about S", I would have no clue who he was until he mentioned something about school - it could be a teacher, sports coach, drama teacher etc.

My son refers to his teachers as Mr Smith, Miss Jones, so that is how I know them. At secondary school we don't see teachers unless invited in for some reason, so there is no daily relationship.

It has nothing to do with me being deferential or the teachers being condescending. It is nothing to do with status. It is purely practical.

[claraschu]

There are two different issues here: What people call teachers, and how teachers sign their names or identify themselves.

As far as I can see, it is fine for teachers and parents to be on last name basis or on first name basis, whatever is the custom in your school.

There is a separate, old fashioned, convention of etiquette which says that you don't identify yourself by a title when talking to someone who is your social equal. If you sign yourself off as "Ms Whatever", you used to be implying that the person you are writing to is your social inferior.

[insanityscatching]

At dd's primary all the staff were referred to by their first names to parents. It was a shock to me and I used to get confused initially who was being referred to. So being told "oh go and ask Jane about the netball transport for tomorrow" would leave me mentally working my way through the possibles as I thought of them as Mrs X Y or Z.
Some of the TA's were called by their first names to children as well which didn't seem to confuse the children at all. I really struggled to use John for the HT no matter how many times he told me to tbh.

[ivykaty44]

Dd2s teacher insisted I called her Sarah, this was during a phone call and subsequent emails were signed Sarah. To DD this teacher was Mrs x

[EvilTwins]

It's funny how ingrained it gets. One of my ex-students sometimes babysits my DC. She is 25, has a great job and a mortgage, and still calls me "Mrs EvilTwins", in fact, last Christmas she sent us a Christmas card to "Mrs EvilTwins, Bob (DH), Sammy & Topsy (DC)"

[lljkk]

meh, I just emailed DS's form tutor about something & addressed "Ms Smith". I wouldn't know the woman from Eve, walking down the road, I'm happy to use formal terms.

[didofido]

This has become very confused. It's not about what you CALL each other in face-to-face interaction, but the accepted etiquette when writing. ALWAYS sign yourself first name last name; ALWAYS address recipient as Mrs/Mr X (unless you know them well or have been asked to use a first name). They should do the same when writing to you.
Clear?

[noblegiraffe]

Oh god I didn't realise this was an etiquette issue. I email parents Dear Firstname and sign Noble Giraffe. If they email back Dear Noble, I then lower the tone further with a Hi Firstname.

I'm going to feel awkward about this next time I email a parent, because apparently some people care.

[PassiveAgressiveQueen]

if i got a letter from school signed mabel i would have no idea who mabel is.