Is taking DS out of reception for a month doable?

[GingerPCatt]

DS is starting reception in a few weeks. My FIL is dying and lives in another country. DH wants to take DS to visit and stay there for a month possibly two. Is this even an option? Who can I contact to ask? The school?

You could ask the head teacher.

Or maybe better, if your DS isn't yet 5 can you defer his start to January. That would be preferable to starting then disappearing, then starting again. He only needs to be in school from the term after he turns 5.

However, would it actually be good for DS to spend so much time with a dying grandfather? How well does he currently know him? Would you be and DH be able to give both your FIL and DS the time they both need. Or are you needed there to support DH? Would it maybe be better for you and DS to do a shorter visit even if DH goes out for longer.

This must be very hard for you.

You need to speak to the headteacher. Teen is absolutely right, that depending on when his birthday is, and when you are planning to go, you may be better deferring his start date to later in the year.

Sorry to hear about your father-in-law.

The idea of deferring sounds simplest. Unless you'd made special arrangements for your son to start school a year later than usual, he won't reach compulsory school age until January at the earliest. You have the absolute right to defer his start, so you don't have to get anyone's permission. You just need to inform them.

If the school in oversubscribed and you don't want to risk losing your son's school place, he must start by the time he reaches compulsory school age or by the start of summer term, whichever is earlier. You can still keep him out of school after he reaches compulsory school age, by home educating, but then he may not be able to go to the same school. If you are thinking about delaying his school start that long, you can check whether the class is oversubscribed and whether there is a waiting list in order to help you decide.

At the age of five and six, my daughter spent a great deal of time with her grandmother when she was dying abroad. Though it was hard in some ways, on balance it was definitely the best thing for her to do. I don't think we acknowledge death properly in our culture, especially where children are concerned. Death is an important part of life. Besides, the alternative was for my daughter to be separated from me completely for several months at this difficult time, while I was with my mum, and she would have found that really traumatic.

Thanks for the replies. I'm not 100% that we're going to do it. DH isn't sure if his job will let him take unpaid leave. I won't be able to go since I've just started a new job. So it would just be DH and DS. We have lots of family there so he will have help with DS. There is also the sad possibly that FIL may pass on before we can get there. We did visit recently so we have spent some time with him.

I think really the head teachers hands are tied. Our head says he wishes people wouldn't ask for mini breaks and just say they are ill as he has no control. Are you in a Position to say you are home educating him? Home ed is incredibly flexible. I completely agree he should go. We have an appalling attitude to death in this country. We hide it away rather than having traditions which link to celebration. Are they a different culture?

oranges, home ed is an option for anyone who wants to exercise it, though I'm not sure what you mean about the OP "saying" the family are home educating: they need to actually do it! But as you say, that is straightforward.

The main disadvantage of home ed in this situation is that it requires deregistration from school. Once this is done, if the school is oversubscribed, then her son's place would be offered to someone on the waiting list and he'd have to go to a different school upon his return.