Thread For Boarders

[morethanpotatoprints]

Just thought I'd start a support thread for those either starting this september or established boarders happy to help those with many queries.

There are quite often individual threads for particular schools but it doesn't necessarily say whether boarding, day, private or state in the title. So I thought this would be a good way of getting us all together and also for those people from overseas looking for particular types of schools.

My dd is starting in sept and will weekly board, atm I am gathering uniform and other essential items and will begin the labelling process soon.
I do quite like this as sad as it seems, I find hand sewing very therapeutic and relaxing for some reason.

I'm sure you will have older boys there. Usually the house captain/s plus the house pastors (I'm assuming all houses have them). It is usually groups of older boys who help with the school tour, giving slightly different versions from the official one no doubt. Also, boys trickle back all the time, especially ones coming from abroad or from further away. We usually get there at 5ish as we are 5 hours away, and there is always plenty going on by then. DS enjoys getting to know the newbies and helping them hook up to the intranet etc.

I think it is going to be nice weather for you, so have a good day. I don't think the prep school chat lasts very long at all, so hopefully your son settles in well.

Thanks Indrid - that doesn't sound too terrifying.

Tentative [fist bump] to Adventurers. I'm also slightly wishing it could be a quick drop off. Not because I'm in any danger of blubbing - just that it's been such a long wait. It will be interesting to hear the new HM speaking. But what I'm longing for is the moment I'm home again, can open something celebratory and declare the thing Done!

Ingrid

Thank you - that certainly doesn't sound as bad as I have it set up in my head.

Gruach

New HM speaking? It sounds like we may be listening to the same HM address :)

Uh huh ...

I'm quite envious of you all getting a first look at the Head this week .

Good luck to your family too Gruach and have a lovely day. I think we must be one of the latest to start this year!

Thank you!

And yes, I wouldn't have minded about ten days less holiday.

Dreamgirls

I think all at dd school went in cars, it was impossible for parking.
Have no idea what sort of cars before some bright sparks ask.
I can't tell one expensive car from another but know they can cost more than my house.
There may have been a couple but many were just normal cheapish goes like our old passat?
I mention cars as I always used to be really anti boarding school and this used to be one of my gripes. I was such a reverted snob it was unbelievable.
How embarrassing.
I think if I told you what I really used to think none of you would enter into conversation with me. There was a similar poster recently and I was nearly jumping up and down.
Sorry folks.

I wonder if being pro or anti boarding is less a result of informed thought in adulthood and more about whether one did or did not read lots of boarding school stories as a child.

Because I can quite see how, if I had come upon the concept only in my 20s or 30s, boarding might look like rather cruel and unusual punishment. I never had the chance not to like the idea since I was reading Enid Blyton, Angela Brazil, EBD, Antonia Forest from the moment I could read - long before I was allowed to try it out in RL.

What's your childhood reading history NewLife?

Gruach

I couldn't read until I was about 9, had an awful schooling not my parents fault, just the times.

I read every single Enid Blyton famous five and Mallory towers, and other series. I loved them.
Boarding school was brilliant, somewhere very special children went

Then, as a teenager I began to see how things were stacked against me and how it wasn't possible to get out by education.
My parents were great and did far more than they should.
As a child in a deprived area of the NW ill educated with learning disabilities there weren't many options.

I suppose its easy to poke fun at things you don't understand or have any experience of. Preconceived ideas and as I said inverted snobbery.
I'm so glad I'm not like that anymore and I found this place.
Until we first visited the school a couple of years ago I'd never met a boarder/ family, let alone known one.

That's interesting.

Were you aware of your DD's new school when you were younger?

Yes, when I was a child.
I wasn't good enough to go but my dad used to take me to so many orchestras, dance schools and anything I might get good at something. He was just the best, come from a bad background himself and worked hard to become an engineer.
Mum wanted to work was a damn good secretary but ss wouldn't allow it then. She did when we were older.

"I wonder if being pro or anti boarding is less a result of informed thought in adulthood and more whether one did or did not read lots of read lots of boarding school stories as a child."
I've never read a fiction book about boarding schools (including Harry Potter which I think are poorly written) in my life. I'm an avid reader primarily factual books about horses from about 8 till I had a road to Damascus conversion at 40 or from 13 ish US detective fiction Ed McBain Ellory Queen etc, or the usual classics. I couldn't stand Enid Bighton. I went to a day school as did DH but there were boarders at his school who seemed pretty happy. But I was vehemently opposed to boarding until we moved to a house where my neighbours sent their DC's to a boarding prep. It soon became obvious that our local state primaries were not meeting DS2's educational needs and these neighbours suggested the boarding prep their SC's attended. By then I'd seen that there children were happy and well adjusted. It didn't seem a big deal to send small children to boarding prep.

HG

Were you aware of boarding schools as a child.
I knew about the one dd attends now, but it was considered by the school, not the fact they boarded.
Sometimes there could be a difference maybe?
But I do think it's funny where the preconceived ideas come from when the person concerned has no experience at all.

DD called and said they had dorm inspection last night and she was the tidiest, heaven help us.

dreamgirls

Have you lots of things lined up to do?
She sounds very together to have organised herself getting to school and changing trains etc. I know she is older, but I know plenty her age who aren't that together.

A question for you all, well 2 really.

1. Should they half expect a fire alarm during the night as practice. They have a test of the alarm every week. Guess who was the only one who didn't know it was a test?

1. When are they expected to turn up to lessons on time, right place, and organised correctly.

DD seems to be getting everything wrong from the start and hasn't had to do any of this for 3 years now. She has been late for 3 lessons and generally doesn't seem to know what she is doing?
I had to tell her which teacher taught what subject today, she hadn't thought to check herself. She had two names and one was the hod for one of her instruments.

Should I worry? Will they make allowances? i hate the thought of them being harsh on her but she does need to get it together and fast.

On the exposure to boarding school fiction issue: I loved them all as a small child and begged and pleaded to be allowed to board as a direct result. Off I went at 9, thoroughly enjoyed it for several years, then hit adolescence and political awakening and everything soured very rapidly.

I now have, I think, a fairly informed view on how boarding can be terribly damaging. I was absolutely the kind of child who gave every appearance of thriving on it for years, but there's no doubt in my mind it affected my relationship with my parents in very negative ways. My brother had a grand time, though, and maintains he thinks it was the best thing for him. So swings and roundabouts.

(I still love boarding school fiction unreservedly and think Antonia Forest is an exceptionally talented and critically under-appreciated writer...)

Robinson

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. You don't have to answer this obviously but Do you feel like you didn't tell your parents you were unhappy because you'd begged to go.

I considered this could happen to my dd, the grass greener etc. We told her so many times if it doesn't work out or if it isn't for her, we'll bring her home.
I'm ure that won't happen but something we felt very important.

Yes I was "aware"of boarding schools as a child.
I've always had this idea that education is not about sitting behind a desk all dayespecially for younger children. When we lived in London I looked round some local pre preps I was appalled to see 3-4 years sitting in rows behind desks all day. I personally believe that education in the state sector at primary level is pretty rubbish very narrow and obsesed about SATS exams and follows a very prescribed curriculum: a maths lesson and and English lesson every morning, science geography history as an after thought in the afternoon, little or no MFL teaching and appalling art teaching the last two often taught by teachers with no qualification or knowledge in either, pathetic PE/games lessons. I became aware that traditional 13+ preps especially those with boarders provided a broader curriculum, specialised teachers, no SATS, lots of games/PE and a wide range of extra curricular activities. If we'd had a prep on our doorstep that offered all of this DS's wouldn't have boarded but we didn't.
At secondary we were in a similar position, we're rural no extra curricular activities (least not DS2's chosen extra curricular activities) within any kind sensible driving distance, I wanted super selective, DS2 was offered a place at a super selective grammar school but it was 38+ miles up the road and involved me driving him 10 miles to a bus every day and meeting him back of it, (I would have to have given up work) and it wasnt providing a broad education, I personally think it's much harder to provide a very broad curriculum if your pupils go home at 4 pm every day. So we stayed with boarding.
I had an interesting conversation with DS2 (he's full boarded from 7) whilst driving the other day.
Me: "do you regret going to boarding school from 7?"
DS2: (busy texting his mates): "No" (helpful)
Me: "Ok so knowing what you know now would you still make the same choices?"
DS: "What I would say", a pause whilst he replies to a txt, I swallow, grip the steering wheel and wait to hear how I've fucked up his life, "Boarding teaches you to live with all sorts of people some who you don't like and learn to just get on with things. I think it's good preparation for work."

Me: "I am pleased (understatement of the century). Do you think it's had a detrimental effect on our relationship?"
DS2: "No it makes me appreciate you more. Some of my friends blame boarding for the crap relationships they have with their parents but maybe they'd have had crap relationships anyway, I've got friends at day schools who've crap relationships with their parents. I think if you board and you have a good relationship with your parents your are often more close to them than day pupils because you value you time you have together more."
Very long pause more texting. "Boarding isn't good for those who are bullied a lot or even just simply dont get on with their house mates because you can't escape."
We then when onto to talk about why some are not popular when to those on the outside of a situation they appear perfectly normal (another thread perhaps?).

NewLife - I did tell them, and I left after my GCSEs (and I was very grateful that they didn't make me stay for sixth form). I don't think the full impact of it was apparent to me until later, in my mid-20s or so, and I did try to talk to my mum about it then, but she was understandably fairly defensive about the whole thing and said it had been my decision to go (hmm...).

One of my friends was painfully homesick for years but she ended up coming round to boarding wholeheartedly and being a big fan - I was never homesick as such and did enjoy it for a long time. It definitely has a lot to recommend it and I don't doubt that the education I got was better than the state alternatives in the town we lived in at the time!

HappyGardening - your post could have been written by me! Exactly the same reasons why we didn't go privately at aged 3, why we chose the boarding prep ( albeit DS were older) and I have had exactly the same conversations about the boarding experience with my DS, who have said very similar things. :-)
I did board as a teenager though, and loved it.

Robinsons

I'm sorry you weren't happy, it must be so tough if it's like this.
Hard from a parents pov as well, either hearing this much later or dealing with it at the time.