Dd upset Teachers accusing her if faking illness what to do?

[smellylittleorange]

Dd11 at her Nans been getting texts from her clearly v upset. She was off school yesterday with a temp and headache ..I had no reason to believe she was faking as I had come down with something myself. Today she sat out of PE with a temperature.. She overheard the TA saying something to one of the Teachers about her faking it...this was then compounded later when she felt better and got changed to do an after school activity which was active the TA apparently told her "next time really be ill" and the Teacher said a sarcastic comment of "surprise surprise". Whilst I do think it was probably silly of Dd to do the after school activity I can understand why..Nan was coming all the on the bus especially to watch her and if I know how she was thinking she would feel bad about not doing it as it is a charity thing...and I KNOW it probably looked bad . So what to do ? For first time Dd is genuinely upset and annoyed with the school. Granted this was not her Class Teacher or TA so they may not have known she had been ill. I personally do not think this was a very professional way to speak especially the comments that happened before she did the activity. My thoughts are a) leave it, let Dd learn a lesson that there are sarcastic teachers etc about ..no doubt she will experience them in secondary b) write a letter to Class Teacher explaining what happened and how this made Dd feel c) get Dd to speak to class teacher. What would you do??

i would do A

not much longer at primary, not worth complaining over and, yes, secondary might have a few more sarcy teachers. but i would speak with her and if she felt strongly i would support her telling her teacher if she really wanted to

I would probably talk to the TA and the teacher together and explain what happened and that that the TA's behaviour was unessesarily sarcastic. Then let them squirm.

Thanks both..I do know Dd was upset at not being at school yesterday and not taking part in the after school charity event..therefore losing house points but yes I can see how it made her look. I do wonder if we being a bit precious though. I will speak to Dd in a bit

I think it's very unprofessional behaviour in front of a child. If she had these thoughts she shouldn't have voiced them in ear shot

At the same time - you should also explain to your daughter, that teachers work with a lot of children, and some children do make things up. Teachers make assumptions about what's believable and what's not. Someone skipping PE due to illness, while doing sporty fun activity later looks suspicious. It just does. And mentioning it to the kid they suspect of faking it serves as a warning not to do it again later.

At our school - kids with temperature can't just skip PE - they have to go/be home. I am surprised that your school let her stay.

she wasn't exactly ill, though, was she.

I'd do (a) and explain to DD why her actions led them to conclude she might be faking. You can re-assert why you believe she was genuinely too ill for PE but could do her activity. tbh I can understand why someone who didn't know her would find it odd that she could do one and not the other so although the teacher could have been more professional in the way she voiced her opinion, it's probably a good lesson for your DD to consider how her actions could look to others.

I'd go for option d) speak to the staff concerned.

I feel strongly about challenging injustice, especially the sort that arises so casually out of thoughtless assumptions like this. Little injustices really stick in young minds, often into adulthood, in proportion to how unjust they were, not how big an issue they concerned.

Yes, she learns adults can exhibit lazy prejudice reliance on assumptions and tar everyone with the same brush and start to learn to ignore them and internally devalue their comments. She can also learn to see herself as not trustworthy, through their eyes. That does not engender healthy future behaviour or relationships with authority figures.

I'm also surprised at this idea of sitting out PE with a temperature though. You're either ill, or you're not. If you are, you're sent home.

Well she came home we had a chat about it - I had already told her that she needs to make an effort in every activity and it did probably look bad to them. her classroom teacher told her to go and sit out PE as she had been ill day before and had a temperature /felt dizzy. Some of you are surprised that she was allowed to sit out - I am surprised too - they should have rang me really given situation so no wonder this particular person may have been ticked off if they have to look after children that maybe sent home I don't know.

lottiegarbanzo I agree with everything you have said although I am taking the approach that she must speak to her Class teacher about how she has been spoken to.. TBH I feel furious as it sounded quite nasty the way DD put it - but I will not be in a position to know the exact background etc so I will leave the Classroom Teacher to speak with DD about it - she is really upset bless her as she never gets in to trouble and then last night she was quite ticked off at her perceived injustice. She is still only 10 I tried to explain that Teachers have a job to do/some kids do lie blah blah but all she sees is that she didn't lie and they accused her of it and they were "nasty to her face" . I will follow up with Class Teacher next week.

I have recently been told by a friend that you should deal with matters as they come up and not let them fester, so I guess I would go to the class teacher and advise her of the situation - however my daughter is 12 and we have had to deal with bullying I have encouraged her to be strong and grow in confidence and feel secure but at the age of 10 she still needs to know Mum (parents whoever) is there to support her when these things happen as if she sees you have put up with it she will consider that as the norm especially sarcasm this needs nipping in the bud.