Please help me mumsnet-even DH asked me to ask! Sor ry Long and fraught

[miggy]

Jeez the stress levels in this house this week have been hideous, just want to go and boil my head really.
DS (13) started his new school (after 8yrs at prep school) in Sept. He is really academic and enthusiastic about all things school related barr sport. He was boarding 3 nights a week.
He hated boarding and said the only good thing about his day was phoning home in the evening. Even days he didnt board were ok but that was all. He had no friends apart from one boy who is leaving at the end of term, and was being bullied in a low key way because he wont break rules/misbehave etc and is a bit of a geek tbh.
So mummy tries to sort things out by arranging to see another school in half term and having him go there for the day. At the weekend we decided that going to the new school was the right option and duly notified everyone.
He wanted to do this week at current school because he is in some house competition final tomorrow.
Basically all the teachers have told him how much they like him and please dont go and all the things they will change to keep him happy and how moving is the wrong answer.Last night at 10.30 DH went and picked him up because he was crying down the phone that he wanted to stay.
Today we kept him off, I was at work this am and DH phoned me to say that they had had long chat etc and DS was happy etc etc. I collected him to take him to new school to get his uniform this afternoon, 2 minutes away from the school he told me that he really didnt want to move and had said he was ok so as not to upset DH (who I admit is biased towards new school). I carried on as planned, got the uniform, we spoke to his housemaster etc. Came home and he is adamant now that he wants to stay and we have had tears, he has emailed his old housemaster to say that he doesnt want to leave and we are making him etc.
I am truely at my wits end. I can see he is sad to leave and he hates letting people down so I think its that but he says he truely believes present school will get better and that he had the wrong attitude etc.
He is due to start new school on Friday, Im worried that if he goes with this attitude that he wont like it or be liked.
DH and I have just filled out all forms for new school and are looking at them trying to decide wheter we rip them up or do we just BE the parents and say no this is the right thing for you.
If you have got to the end of this-you need to answer to make it worth the time spent!

glad the decision's made. It's the dithering which is probably more stressful than anything else, isn't it?
If he's singing, it's gotta be good - don't you have any earplugs in your house? We do!(mind you, we have a drummer
All the very best to you & ds.

Thanks all.
We do feel so much better today.
DS was asked to go and speak to headmaster this am and he is going to see him on a weekly basis to make sure things are going ok, plus school are implementing really quite big changes in lots of areas, that will hopefully benefit other kids too. So something positive.
Plus I feel better as was feeling very guilty about school we were planning to go to as they had been v.helpful. Sent the admissions secretary some flowers this morning and got a lovely email back.
Should be a better weekend all round!

Just a quick addendum with thanks to all those who advised. In the end, it didnt get any better and we bit the Bullet and swopped him to another school after xmas. After a shakey start with "I want to go back to X" several times a day, He has absolutely blossomed. He has friends and is enthusiastic and happy again about school. Just got a lovely end of term letter from new headmaster saying how well he had settled in etc.
So it all worked in the end

I think you should continue with your plans to swap schools

I don't think you've reached that decision lightly ..it sounds like it took a long time to get to that conclusion .. it getting better for the last week is not enough

maybe you can try it for a couple of terms allow him to settle and re-assess at the end of the year

although, I'm almost certain it will be fine

I'd continue and ignore his confusion .. he's 13 it goes with the territory

oh bollocks .. I should learn to read the thread and not just the OP before launching in

glad to see it all worked out

what a daft reply

Money aside -
Children hate the unknown (don't we all)
Try the new school for a term.
Then review

All you will lose is money.

Whoops - just read the whole trhead - that's what you did anyway - worry!.

Glad everything has worked out well. It's a horrible time though isn't it?

Miggy, hi so glad things worked out as was watching your thread in Nov with interest. How long did it take your DS to settle in. I really want to change my two but keep putting it off due to a) them saying they don't want to and b) the thought of making the biggest mistake of our lives.
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